Just found out my boyfriend has a live in girlfriend, two kids and now I'm pregnant!

[katie123]

Why would she even WANT to be with a man that would premeditatedly lie to her and cheat on the women he lives with? You really don't have any self-worth if you would even think that someone would want a man like that in their lives. If Op wants a man like that and wants to bear his child then I wonder about her own self-respect/worth as well.

You could NEVER trust a man to be monogamous that would do what this guy has done ~ NEVER.

I definitely do not want to be with a man how would lie and cheat. However, I did not know before that he was lying and cheating. Now that I know, I know I cannot be with him. I wouldn't trust him and would be skeptical about everything he is doing all the time, and I know I wouldn't be happy. It was just a shock to uncover this all at once, and I am just struggling a bit to process all of this.

[Fjortis]

Thank you for your opinion on this. Just to clarify, I admit I was being a little naive and I honestly do feel stupid and embarrassed that I fell for all this. I am not by any means trying to victimize myself. I admitted that I had a bad feeling since I had not been to his apartment and that I should have listened to that more strongly. I didn't totally bury my head in the sand, I brought it up to him all the time! I just wanted to believe what he was telling me, and who am I to judge someone on their living situation? I honestly thought maybe he was embarrassed about something and wasn't ready to show me yet. Was that naive of me? Yes. Did I think he was hiding something? Yes. But I definitely did not think it was a woman and two kids. I didn't want to believe someone I was so close to was actually capable of that, and I don't think makes me stupid or "mentally disabled." I am human and I think everyone has probably made some errors in judgement because they wanted to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If he had presented himself to me as a man who was spoken for with two kids, then no way on this earth would I have continued talking to him after we met. When I met him he approached me and asked me out like any normal single guy would, and we started dating and it turned in to a relationship. I truly did not know any of this was going on at all.

Yes, I should have taken Plan B. I realize that too. Again, I don't consider myself a stupid person. I actually have a master's degree and am pretty successful in terms of my career and accomplishments. So yes, I should know better, and that's even more reason why I am so humiliated and embarrassed by this whole thing. I definitely know better and was raised better than this. I know that not taking Plan B is just as much my fault and I am not blaming him for that. If anything I am blaming myself too much for all of this when I should be more raging mad at him. Moving forward, I obviously have learned that I need to trust my instincts more and not let something go on for so long that I am even a little bit skeptical about. But even my close friends were shocked by this whole thing and never thought he was hiding another woman and kids. I think it is very easy to quickly judge someone without taking a moment to think about what it might be like from their perspective or how they could have gotten in to a certain situation. Yes I am sure I must seem like the dumbest girl on the planet, and I would honestly probably think the same thing about someone else if I wasn't trying to understand the situation or how they got to this place. I think it is far easier however to quickly jump to conclusions about someone with judgement like "oh they're stupid" or "oh they're naive" rather actual trying to understand where they might be coming from.

You are not stupid, not even naiive, and definitely not to blame in any way. In fact, when I was talking about those relatives of mine above, I was talking about my own dad, my mom (his wife, former) and the other woman, and the kid, me.
I know the situation is kind of reversed, but not really. My dad was dating this woman even before he met my mom, and continued to, even after he married my mom, and had the kid, me, neither the woman nor my mom new about one another. He just told my mom sometimes after they married that he needs to go help his friend with something and stuff like that (which yes, was also like 3-4 times a week). My mom is not stupid, she is also educated with PhD and stuff. The only reason she didn't find out for so long was because she just COULDN"T IMAGINE he was CAPABLE of that! But when she did find out, she divorced him pretty soon. But she didn't make an abortion and had me. And she is happy with her choice, she never even thought of abortion. My dad broke up with that woman pretty soon after. We are in a good relationship with each other, I go to his cottage every once in a while. My mom doesn't prevent us from meeting each other. He didn't have any other woman all these years (only found one like 3 years ago, and I'm 21 already). My mom talked to that woman he dated back then, already after she found and divorced him , the woman too didn't know about her (the wife) and that my dad ever married (and as I said he married my mom in the process of dating her)..she had no idea at all!!
SO yea.. Maybe if you already have education and can support the kid, don't make the abortion either..
And it's not your fault!! Whoever says it is, just didn't read what you posted carefully enough, or are the naive ones, thinking of life too simplistically. (which is okay as I'm sure there's people of different age groups posting here)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Fjortis, you're definitely absolving her of her part in this, and your first post proves how much of a short-sighted, dipshit you are. He wouldn't take her over there, he wouldn't tell her why. She chose not to see what was right in front of her. Katie it sounds like you've taken about as much responsibility as you should.

[Wakeup]

I definitely do not want to be with a man how would lie and cheat. However, I did not know before that he was lying and cheating. Now that I know, I know I cannot be with him. I wouldn't trust him and would be skeptical about everything he is doing all the time, and I know I wouldn't be happy. It was just a shock to uncover this all at once, and I am just struggling a bit to process all of this.

Katie, i agree with backup. Its fjoris thats not being the bright one here mostly youve taken responsibility for your own actions. And yes hes a vile piece of work but you,ll get over this far quicker if you forgive youself for being naive in believing him and knowing you are better off without him.

Get yourself to a clinic and find out all your options and dont let ANYone make you feel guilty for your decision whatever it may be.

Good luck and. Best wishes to you.

[HeartIsAching]

That's the thing "in her gut". It is not her fault that she is not a mind-reader bc She didn't KNOW anything, there was no way to Know

If she didn't believe it, she wouldn't have been suspicious and digging. Sorry, you're flatly wrong.

[Fjortis]

Fjortis, you're definitely absolving her of her part in this, and your first post proves how much of a short-sighted, dipshit you are. He wouldn't take her over there, he wouldn't tell her why. She chose not to see what was right in front of her. Katie it sounds like you've taken about as much responsibility as you should.

Katie, i agree with backup. Its fjoris thats not being the bright one here mostly youve taken responsibility for your own actions.

It is very easy to judge and assign blame when it is someone else who is involved in a situation. If it was you who really fell in love with someone and in light of everything else being perfectly fine i.e. if he introduced you to his friends and even some relatives, overlooked him not showing his apt. I'm sure you wouldn't see yourself as someone to blame, when you got pregnant and now had to make an abortion!

[4 ratties]

Say goodbye to all your hopes and dreams

[Boisdevie]

OP claims that she's not stupid. But fails to explain exactly why she didn't get the morning after pilll. That suggests to me that she's stupid regardless of whether she has a degree in blah blah blah or a doctorate in yada yada yada.
The big deal is she's up the duff. And if she doesn't do something about it pretty darmn quick then she's ruined her life.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It is very easy to judge and assign blame when it is someone else who is involved in a situation. If it was you who really fell in love with someone and in light of everything else being perfectly fine i.e. if he introduced you to his friends and even some relatives, overlooked him not showing his apt. I'm sure you wouldn't see yourself as someone to blame, when you got pregnant and now had to make an abortion!

I'll readily take blame for my mistakes. I don't think it's unreasonable to hold others to the same standard, even if it's not pretty.

Boisdevie, some of the dumbest broads I know have Master's degrees.

[Fjortis]

OP claims that she's not stupid. But fails to explain exactly why she didn't get the morning after pilll. That suggests to me that she's stupid regardless of whether she has a degree in blah blah blah or a doctorate in yada yada yada.
The big deal is she's up the duff. And if she doesn't do something about it pretty darmn quick then she's ruined her life.

It's unfair that the whole responsibility supposedly always Only lies with the woman when it comes to things like that! And then she is blamed and called stupid etc etc, what about men? Do they just escape any blame and responsibility completely when things like that happen?

[HeartIsAching]

It's unfair that the whole responsibility supposedly always Only lies with the woman when it comes to things like that! And then she is blamed and called stupid etc etc, what about men? Do they just escape any blame and responsibility completely when things like that happen?

Why is it either/or with you? Can't she have responsibility for her own actions, and he for his? It's not all or nothing for either of them.

It's OBVIOUS that she had some notion that something was wrong, or she wouldn't have been digging for information. Yes, he's an asshole, but that doesn't absolve her of her part in it. To the OP's credit, she's not TRYING to be absolved of blame for her part.

[Boisdevie]

It's unfair that the whole responsibility supposedly always Only lies with the woman when it comes to things like that! And then she is blamed and called stupid etc etc, what about men? Do they just escape any blame and responsibility completely when things like that happen?

The guy is clearly a first class cunt. Contraception should be the responsibility of both people. I know. I had a vacectomy at the age of 32.

[Starnique]

The guy is clearly a first class cunt. Contraception should be the responsibility of both people. I know. I had a vacectomy at the age of 32.

I'm happy to hear you're one of the few guys that was smart enough to take care of yourself and not leave something that major up to the woman. Just like in that other thread, I still stand by what I said. Regardless if a chic tells you she'll abort or is on contraceptives, if not having s kid is that important to you, you'll be sure to take care of yourself. Everyone is equally responsible. Point blank period. Unless you're tricked into it, like you wear a condom and she poke a hole in it or steal your sperm or she is on the pill or something and it doesn't work. Something like that. Taking someones word is foolish.

[katie123]

Thank you all for your advice on this, I really appreciate it. I still feel unsettled about everything, and was wondering some of your opinion: would you tell the woman he's living with everything? I know it has nothing to do with me, but I just feel like if I were in her position I would want to know. And I also know it's a sure fire way of getting him to never talk to me again, which is what I definitely need.

[basilandthyme]

No, don't say anything. Just walk away