Age difference

[Ric]

You wasted your time with a child far younger than you when you discovered that your online connection didnt match up to your real-life personnas. That was more of my point then the detective theory but I suppose if you'll slowly prey on one, you'ld not be adverse to preying on others could be what any detective might logic out and patiently wait to see what you'll do.

Hmm, for a long time we had a great friendship, so can't say I really wasted my time. More like I made the mistake of taking it further than a friendship, which I regret doing.
But, that's the kind of time waste anyone has, regardless of age, when you bring a friendship into more.

Whether someone would prey on more, that really differs per person. But I doubt any police force would spend so many years on something like that which is really only potential. That would be keeping tap on someone without a good reason why, which I believe would be quite illegal.

[Ric]

Good luck with that. Think about it tho....if your 14 or 16 year old daughter was going to meet up with a man she was friendly chatting on the net with, YOU can't tell me would'nt have an issue with that. No matter what it's just wrong.

Of course there won't be any denying of that. I'd be stupid if I tried to. But I think any parent would be anxious if it was just another 14 or 16 year old boy as well.
But, wrong =/= illegal.
And, wrongness is very subject to opinion.

[rafterman]

you'ld not be adverse to preying on others could be what any detective might logic out and patiently wait to see what you'll do.

^^^^^^^ Bingo...The fact that he was 20 and she was 13 is to me odd.

[smackie9]

Of course there won't be any denying of that. I'd be stupid if I tried to. But I think any parent would be anxious if it was just another 14 or 16 year old boy as well.
But, wrong =/= illegal.
And, wrongness is very subject to opinion.

There is no wrongness in the eyes of the offender of course.

[Wakeup]

Hmm, for a long time we had a great friendship, so can't say I really wasted my time. More like I made the mistake of taking it further than a friendship, which I regret doing.
But, that's the kind of time waste anyone has, regardless of age, when you bring a friendship into more.

You had a fantasy "friendship" you were a chat buddy who wasted valuable time actually getting to know her by continuing the online personnas. Surely you get my point by now. BTW: I'm not saying you should have rushed meeting up with someone 13 years old... In fact I think that any man who is not afraid to meet women in general or is without some kind of fetish would never entertain a 13 year old online or in real life. Period. Your excuses are a little disturbing to me as well. Although neither scenerio is good, there is a huge difference between a girl meeting a boy her own age and a girl meeting a grown man from the internet. I taught my daughter to do neither.

Perhaps its fine in your culture *shrugs*

I'd have other things to ask you but this thread is quickly becoming all about you instead of concentrating on the Oposters question(s) so I'll refrain.

Cheers.

[Ric]

There is no wrongness in the eyes of the offender of course.

Wrongness is subject to individual opinion and culture. Yes, a "pedophile" is more likely to not see the wrongness in such a situation. But not seeing the wrongness doesn't automatically make you a pedophile.
For many cultures it's perfectly normal. And this age gap (the one of the OP) really isn't that big a deal, if only society was more accepting of it.

[Ric]

You had a fantasy "friendship" you were a chat buddy who wasted valuable time actually getting to know her by continuing the online personnas. Surely you get my point by now. BTW: I'm not saying you should have rushed meeting up with someone 13 years old... In fact I think that any man who is not afraid to meet women in general would never entertain a 13 year old online or in real life.

I'd have other things to ask you but this thread is quickly becoming all about you instead of concentrating on the Oposters question(s) so I'll refrain.

Cheers.

Ask whatever you want. If you don't want to further derail this thread, you can inbox me if there's stuff you need/want to know.

[Wakeup]

Thank you but I can see by your last post that you'll not ever see why we think it's inappropriate.

People; Protect your children and monitor their internet use. Discourage the use of Facebook and keep them off the gaming and chat rooms until they've learned to be socially adept off the net first.

Obviously it's very important that you do.

[rafterman]

But not seeing the wrongness doesn't automatically make you a pedophile.

There's something disturbing about this comment. The thread has'nt bee derailed,we're talking about age and on-line activity.

[Evo1114]

The fact is, everybody is going to have a different opinion whether, to them, it is right or wrong. However, the laws in the U.S. say it is wrong to have a sexual relationship with somebody under the age of consent (18). If you are 17 and have sex with another 17 year old, technically you are still breaking the law because anybody under the 18, by law, cannot give consent to have sex. So, in simple terms, 'yes' for anybody over the age of 18 means 'yes'. 'Yes' for somebody under the age of 18 technically means 'no' or 'I'm not sure' and it is considered statutory rape. 'No' obviously means 'no' no matter what age you are.

The younger the girl is, the higher the penalty. I think under the age of 13 is a Felony B...up to 60 years in prison (same as manslaughter and kidnapping), between ages of 13 and 16 (Felony C) is up to 40 years (same as felony drunk driving, arson, robbery, vehicular homicide), between the ages of 16-18 is a Misdemeanor A, which includes lifetime registry as a sex offender, up to 9 months in prison (per offense). Plus add in all the charges for child enticement...could be spending a long time in prison as my brother has now found out.

I don't care if it accepted in other countries or cultures...here it is not. If they want to ignore the laws, then by all means. Just hope they make extra certain the girl is worth spending some time in county jail and prison.

That's it. It doesn't matter if, morallly, you think it is alright.

Chatting up a 13 year old is weird no matter how you slice it though.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Be her friend, nothing more. When she's 18 and you still feel the same way, you can be more than friends then. In the meantime, try to find somebody more age-appropriate.

Being in a relationship with her now could cause serious issues not only to her, but yourself as well. With a relationship, things eventually evolve into sex. Having sexual relations with a 16 year old will get you a couple decades in prison. Though I have no clue how Internet relationships work...if sex is even part of the equation. Still, being in any sort of romantic relationship with a 16-year old with or without sex is inappropriate.

Find some activities away from your computer and try meeting people so that you don't have to run to her whenever you need to talk to somebody.

This!
don't date someone who is younger then 18 unless you have parents approval.

[Vanity]

Love has no age limits.

Me and my boyfriend started out just like you. We met online, became very good friends and eventually decided to meet each other. Even though I am 17 and he is 22, we fell in love almost instantly. My parents of course were not happy but he being the charming man he is took them out to dinner and talked them into letting us date. There are obviously ground rules, we are almost always being supervised. I am constantly scoffed at by my friends for dating an older man and he is often called a "cradle snatcher." But you know what? We don't care because we have each other and love each other. We have been together happily for a year now. (and no we are not having sex.)

If you really think you love this girl then tell her how you feel! =)

[HeartIsAching]

Love has no age limits.

Me and my boyfriend started out just like you. We met online, became very good friends and eventually decided to meet each other. Even though I am 17 and he is 22, we fell in love almost instantly. My parents of course were not happy but he being the charming man he is took them out to dinner and talked them into letting us date. There are obviously ground rules, we are almost always being supervised. I am constantly scoffed at by my friends for dating an older man and he is often called a "cradle snatcher." But you know what? We don't care because we have each other and love each other. We have been together happily for a year now. (and no we are not having sex.)

If you really think you love this girl then tell her how you feel! =)

There is something wrong with your parents, and with your boyfriend. A 5 year age difference isn't about the age, it's about the gulf that exists relative to the length of time you've lived... and the gulf between 16 and 21 is vast.

BTW - it's the same age difference between my wife and I. She's 47, I'm 42. At our age, the difference is negligible, but when she was in her early 20's it wasn't.

[MaidenMinx]

Since we're now posting personal experiences...

I left home at 16 and not long after met and fell in love with a 20 yr old. We were living together not long after and spent 4 and a half years together. I broke up with him not long before my 21st birthday.

2 - 3 years later, when he was 27 I heard he was going out with a 13 yr old. I was disgusted. A few years back, out of curiosity I googled him. He had been arrested and charged (I can't remember what the exact charges were). I get the impression his parents went broke getting a lawyer because he got 9 months good behaviour and booted out of the state that he was living in.

What's my point? In some cases this can lead to a scary trend. My ex always told me I was too young for him and he would never go out with a younger person again. Yes, he was screwed up, but obviously was attracted to younger people because they are so easy to influence and intimidate. Any grown man chasing a child has a problem.

[Vanity]

There is something wrong with your parents, and with your boyfriend. A 5 year age difference isn't about the age, it's about the gulf that exists relative to the length of time you've lived... and the gulf between 16 and 21 is vast.

BTW - it's the same age difference between my wife and I. She's 47, I'm 42. At our age, the difference is negligible, but when she was in her early 20's it wasn't.

I understand your views and concerns. But I can assure you there is nothing wrong with my boyfriend, us falling in love was not exactly planned and as I said there are ground rules, we are never alone together. If we are in my room, door stays open. If we go out either one of my parents goes or I have to take a few friends and call my mom every half hour. We are not having sex and will not until we both feel ready and that time will definitely come after I am 18 or even older.

I can't really justify our relationship, I just know I love him. I suppose that may sound silly coming from a teenager to an older person, but its true.

I stand by my opinion that OP should tell the girl how he feels.