He's a total user :< Sounds like some people I've met. After so long having been with him, I have no doubt you actually love him. But he's incapable of returning that love. He sounds like he has some kind of personality disorder, and being bait for those kinds of people, having been raised with emotional abuse, let me tell you from experience it's not a happy place to be. But these people are right in ways. You have to figure out what you need and want. You have to value yourself, you have to love yourself so much that you would not subject yourself to something so hurtful as being with someone like that, someone that doesn't respect you, someone that makes fun of you for loving them, someone that acts in totally abusive and shameful ways. He cheated on you and acted like it was nothing. We are treated badly only as long as we allow it. You shouldn't allow this anymore. He won't change. He'll continue to lie and use you until you are so broken you don't know up from down, you won't even be able to recognize a good guy, you might even pick up some evil tricks from being forced to play by his messed up rules. Don't do that to yourself.