Why must a girl hide her dirty side to nab a guy long term?

[davidtorres]

I think its the age difference/maturity level. you said your 24 but how old are the guy your dating? they should be open minded if there are older than you.

Since you brought up the long term then that means you are looking for a long term relationship. You have to understand that sex is just one of the aspect when it comes to long term relationship. There's a lot of consideration on a long term relationship.

Of course, its kinda stupid but guys wants or likes the idea that you didnt have much experience. Maybe you should hold back when they ask you that. You should only answer questions like those when you are in a relationship.

[Gigabitch]

A few months ago I dated this dude who was everything I could want. He was tall, fine as hell, funny, and charming. He took me out a few times and was very chivalrous and romantic. By our 4th date I had already decided that regardless of whether or not we became a couple I had gone too long without getting any and he could get it. I invited him up to my apartment and he hesitated. I was embarrassed, but I told him that he didn't have to come up if he didn't want to, that I wouldn't think any less of him... lie, lie, lie. He decided to come up anyway and we talked... We talked for hours. I left the door wide open for him to have his wicked way and instead he talked to me. Now we are "friends" which mostly consists of him IMing me all day and me ignoring him.

It sounds to me like he already had a boyfriend.

[NeoSeminole]

this thread was about a girl asking why she needs to hide her kinky side and instead, members are bragging about their sex lives. wtf?

[lahnnabell]

Neo, all the threads digress a bit at some point. Why the eff do you care?

I've come to realize that though my guy is great in bed and very giving, that I've had more "extensive" sexual experience. So, I'm starting off slow. Getting him used to having a woman that actually enjoys giving him blow jobs and pleasing him. Makes me wanna slap the shit out of his exes.

[Chupacabras]

this thread was about a girl asking why she needs to hide her kinky side and instead, members are bragging about their sex lives. wtf?

...I did her so good, she gave the money back!

[NeoSeminole]

hahahaha. I've always wanted to bang a prostitute or get a lap dance and afterward when they ask for money, be like "B*tch you owe ME money."

[bluesummer]

That's the part where their pimp comes in and kicks your ass. Or you get stabbed with a stiletto.

[ecojeanne]

tbh i'm surprised by the original question. guys don't ask. it's usually a voluntary situation once one feels closer and more comfortable with them. unless men in the US are different (which i doubt) guys don't ask early on, so don;t tell, what's the point and why would you want a new guy you probably don't know well knowing your history?! therefore imo it's a non issue.

[CAM]

I don't ask. In fact, I explicitly say, "Let's not discuss our pasts--even though I'm wrapped, if you have an STD, I'm gonna be really pissed off, so you'd better come clean."

I also don't ask because I really don't want to know her that well. It will be all over in less than six months.

To tell the truth...I'd rather clear my testicles with a speedy auto-erotic action than spend six months wondering about the post-relationship BS, which WILL HAPPEN. Guaranteed.

Now, back to work

[IndiReloaded]

Frankly, the reason its advantageous is b/c there are people who are looking for more than sex, they want a partner. And partners who can show restraint and good judgment, or at least the capacity for, is damn rare. Not immediately screwing something that moves because you can is one easy measure of whether someone might be able to put off immediate gratification for longterm reward. Its actually one of the simplest weeding out methods b/c it is such a simple thing to walk away from. The fact that so few can, or want to, makes it a pretty decent triage tool, IMO.

[NeoSeminole]

IndiReloaded says:

"Frankly, the reason its advantageous is b/c there are people who are looking for more than sex, they want a partner. And partners who can show restraint and good judgment, or at least the capacity for, is damn rare. Not immediately screwing something that moves because you can is one easy measure of whether someone might be able to put off immediate gratification for longterm reward. Its actually one of the simplest weeding out methods b/c it is such a simple thing to walk away from. The fact that so few can, or want to, makes it a pretty decent triage tool, IMO."

I'm not disagreeing with you. My only issue is that waiting for sex shouldn't be the sole measure of someone's character. For some of us, it's nice to know if we're sexually compatible instead of wait several months to find out our relationship is doomed.

[CAM]

Frankly, the reason its advantageous is b/c there are people who are looking for more than sex, they want a partner. And partners who can show restraint and good judgment, or at least the capacity for, is damn rare. Not immediately screwing something that moves because you can is one easy measure of whether someone might be able to put off immediate gratification for longterm reward. Its actually one of the simplest weeding out methods b/c it is such a simple thing to walk away from. The fact that so few can, or want to, makes it a pretty decent triage tool, IMO.

Absolutely agree with this sentiment. If I were anything other than the dystopian that I am, then I would follow this advice to the letter. I followed it for years and found that the women I knew (I hope not a representative sample) scoffed at that attitude. Then I met one who ditched me because I had indulged.

Indi's right...follow the social rules and one is better off. I can only hope that despite one indiscretion in a matter of 9 yrs would result in a sexual reincarnation for me. Better to die a "New Virgin" than to die a hypocrite.

[IndiReloaded]

For some of us, it's nice to know if we're sexually compatible instead of wait several months to find out our relationship is doomed.

Flip your compatibility criteria around, and you've understood my philosophy on the subject.

To explain further:

There are two ways of approaching this problem. You can have lots of sex while finding someone with those other compatibilities you seek. That will mean your eventual life-partner will need to have a similar philosophy about gratutious sex. For some, sex for its own sake has little appeal and those who partake this way are viewed as incompatible.

E.g. I can easily imagine a scenario where I could date a total Sex God and be completely sexually fulfilled but he would be a disaster for other parts of my life. So, I'd rather not bother. Plus my sort of men are the type to get attached, etc so its just better to avoid this kind of early entanglement until other, more important long-term qualities are established.

In contrast, I am having a much harder time imagining finding someone of the qualities I admire who I couldn't have fulfilling sexual relations with.

[NeoSeminole]

IndiReloaded says:

"There are two ways of approaching this problem. You can have lots of sex while finding someone with those other compatibilities you seek. That will mean your eventual life-partner will need to have a similar philosophy about gratutious sex."

you act like once you have sex with someone, you are chained to them. I can easily leave a girl if I discover we're not compatible in other ways. The difference between your strategy and mine is that I like to 'test drive' before I buy. You prefer to buy first and then re-turn it if you don't like it.

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, I'm sure. But the fact that you can do this so easily tells me you don't spend the time to discover those incompatibilities BEFORE having sex.

Are you telling me that you can't imagine a girl being less upset about your breakup if you hadn't slept with her first? What I'm describing might be a foreign concept to you, Neo, but I'm thinking of the needs of both people. You are only thinking of your own selfish wants. Unless, of course, the girls you date think like you. In which case, as I said, this is fine.

I 'test drove' as well. But while you are looking for speed and excitement, I am [was] looking for reliability, comfort and longterm performance.