friends, lovers...still friends?

[Chlorine]

crazyhorse----She didn't reply to your e-mail....well, it's probably for the best. Going cold turkey will save your marriage. If you really want to make a clean break, change job. Yeah okay, easier said than done, but changing job would mean you won't have to see your lover. Out of sight, out of mind. Just cut her out of your life. You can't have it both ways, at least not right now.
And don't send any more e-mails to her. Doesn't serve a purpose.

[crazyhorse]

thanx...i know ur right, i must face reality and take it on the chin, i can do this but i will not change my job cos i feel that is runnin away from my demons, i just need to face them and show her i can handle this and be mature.....better for my own esteem, plus its a really good job and i love workin there despite its ups and downs....things have a way of workin out, fingers crossed!

[Rosebud]

changing jobs isn't running away from your demands when you had an affair with someone you worked with. At that point you ahve to weigh out your priorties, you can always find another job not to mention it would help take away your tendencies to think about her.

And when you say you need to face them and show her you can handle this and be mature, which "her" are you referring to? Your wife or the other woman? Becasue your focus as you know, should be on your wife if your chosing to work things out.

[crazyhorse]

to be honest each situation on this forum may have many things in common but still are unique in many ways, im stayin put in my job, ive worked hard for it and thats that, thanks for the advice about alternatives but the pros outweigh the cons. life goes on and so will i, thanx

[crazyhorse]

i know this sounds stupid but sometimes i find it really hard to accept that this has come to an end considering the bond was so strong and now there is nothing.....its funny how the mind works, one instant you have something, the next you have nothing.....feelings have to be hidden or subdued or diverted, this is of course out of context from whether being right or wrong or morally this or that, just a general comment everyone can relate to. you know when you wonder if that person is thinkin what you are thinkin when cold lonely nights allow your mind to wander,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[crazyhorse]

its been just over 2 months since we have gone our separate ways now, she has returned to work after a long spell, things seem to be cool and we are both acting quite aloof to the fact that anything ever happened and went on for 2 years on and off...it seems strange it can be this way now after all that has happened. i cant help wondering what she thinks when she sees me, is there any feeling? does she think about stuff after a mere glimpse may trigger a reminder? i know it still does for me but you tend to dehumanise someone after a split....no matter how wrong it all may have been, at the time it felt so right and thats still the hardest part to rationalise, i am trying to occupy myself with my original life but it is so hard.....sometimes i get so sad, memories are so vivid still and i do miss her,,,,,**** it...lifes a ***** sometimes whether u r to blame or not...wish we could be friends but our love was so intense i know that may never be in the short term....i think she thinks if she gives an inch i will take mile and i probably would.....sometimes i think there may be certain people in your life you may truelly never get over........

[crazyhorse]

guys and gals....its been a while now and i am tryin to make my marriage work, its hard at the moment although i am trying, i still cant get the girl outa my head, she left a great impression.......we still work at the same place but contact is minimal....the odd smile, shit even that throws me but hey, i love my job there, she has told me she is leaving and in a way i feel relieved cos i might relax, but in a way i will miss her...its only natural. i still miss her so very much more because of the friendship we used to have before the lust tainted it...i hope in time something will tell her that she doesnt need to regret meetin me although i feel that now

[whaywardj]

Welcome to the world of conscience. You may as well stop lamenting. "All the king's horses and all the king's men" can't put it back together again. The regret, skittishness and stand-offishness is all well and good. Recall how you feel now the next time a similar opportunity presents itself and ask, "Is it really worth it?"

It sometimes amazes me what people put themselves through for the sake of what is really nothing more than a split-second muscle spasm.

[Rosebud]

You know.....The more posts of yours I read, the more I think this will just happen again.

You have not once asked how to help your marriage or mentioned how you feel about your wife or what you can do to change things. All you have talked about is this other woman. And with that, either you will continue to be unhappily married and have other affairs or you will end up being up being in a very lonely state. Both I think are related are destined to happen until you really realize what you want!

[dono]

guys and gals....its been a while now and i am tryin to make my marriage work, its hard at the moment although i am trying, i still cant get the girl outa my head, she left a great impression.......we still work at the same place but contact is minimal....the odd smile, shit even that throws me but hey, i love my job there, she has told me she is leaving and in a way i feel relieved cos i might relax, but in a way i will miss her...its only natural. i still miss her so very much more because of the friendship we used to have before the lust tainted it...i hope in time something will tell her that she doesnt need to regret meetin me although i feel that now

Sorry, but you're a ****ing dickhead...

How much of a non-committed, disrespectful, un-trustowrthy, scumbag piece of shit
do you have to be to cheat on your own wife? People like you make me sick, and
should have their balls removed. If you arent happy with your marriage, then I hate
to say it, but seperate. Don't ****ing take your wife, the woman you proclaimed your
love for at one time, and throw her down like a piece of ****ing trash. Cuz that's what
you're doing by cheating on her.

dono

[clynn]

Sorry, but you're a ****ing dickhead...

How much of a non-committed, disrespectful, un-trustowrthy, scumbag piece of shit
do you have to be to cheat on your own wife? People like you make me sick, and
should have their balls removed. If you arent happy with your marriage, then I hate
to say it, but seperate. Don't ****ing take your wife, the woman you proclaimed your
love for at one time, and throw her down like a piece of ****ing trash. Cuz that's what
you're doing by cheating on her.

dono

Yah, what he said.

[crazyhorse]

thankyou all for your rich and varied remarks, i am so pleased you don't 'sit on the fence' with your opinions. if i have annoyed a lot of you with my situation then i guess thats just too bad. i am not trying to justify or encourage it, just admitting toit and trying to do something about it and thats why i joined this board whereas i think some people joined because they enjoy a good old whichunt, but each to their own. there has been a lot of constructive criticism also and that has been appreciated also. lets face it...this is the dumping section so it ant gonna be a bed of roses, but at least i can articulate my points of view without namecalling. I did wrong ok? newsflash......thats life, people do, who knows why, i just did what a lot of people think about doing but dont follow through, i have my regrets and i am doing the best i can just like everyone else...

[moeno]

im mostly dumbfounded by pickle's posts. Being an atheist, i cannot seriously relate to the preachings, and does that make me evil? well perhaps to pickle I might be, but thats seriously luring the post way out of context with the introduction of being a good christian etc.

and no point holding on to the friendship if it might lead to possible "errs" that you might commit in future. time will probably water down the emotions. i personally think it is best you do not see her more than neccessary.

[Tone]

Don't worry.

Mini-Ken is no longer here.

[Rosebud]

thankyou all for your rich and varied remarks, i am so pleased you don't 'sit on the fence' with your opinions. if i have annoyed a lot of you with my situation then i guess thats just too bad. i am not trying to justify or encourage it, just admitting toit and trying to do something about it and thats why i joined this board whereas i think some people joined because they enjoy a good old whichunt, but each to their own. there has been a lot of constructive criticism also and that has been appreciated also. lets face it...this is the dumping section so it ant gonna be a bed of roses, but at least i can articulate my points of view without namecalling. I did wrong ok? newsflash......thats life, people do, who knows why, i just did what a lot of people think about doing but dont follow through, i have my regrets and i am doing the best i can just like everyone else...

You haven't annoyed me at all, just made me glad I'm not in your shoes! But in all seriousness, I know your trying to deal with all this because you have accepted what you did. But the point I'm trying to make is, if you really wanted your marriage to work or truly felt remorse you would be working harder to save your marriage not get over this other chick. If you have such strong feelings for this other woman even though things could never happen again, why are trying to save your marriage? why would you want to be in a marriage that your not happy in and thinking about other people? It sounds to me like your more worried about getting over your affair then you are in repairing your marriage! Is it a comfort thing or something?