Not sure if it truly is over yet? Need help!

[toknow]

This doesn't surprise me at all, because she seemed pretty cold and uncaring during your illness. I think you would be right to try as hard as you can to get her back to have a piece of mind that it was not you who ended it. Again, I think she sees you as the "enemy" right now for some reason, she is very cold about this, it might be because she is mad at you, there is some kind of grudge here for a lack of a better word. She seems somewhat defensive. This is not good, she does not see you as she did before. You remember I told you about punishing her for not showing care, love. It's almost like she is feeling pressured and forced. This is the feeling I'm getting. If that's how she feels, this will turn off a woman very fast and she'll see you as a complete stranger. It's almost as if she feels that every time she doesn't do something that is expected of her for the relationship she gets punished. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but this is how she might be seeing it. You have to fix this, or this is the end. This is one of the worst feelings you can give a girl and it turns them off like nothing else. It's probably almost like abuse to them. It will be hard to fix, but it is fixable. If she fears you, and I'm not saying you are abusive to her, but if she fears getting punished as I mentioned earlier she can not love you. Has she had an abusive childhood? That can make her extremely sensitive to things, even if there is no reason for that. We have to figure out why she sees you as the bad guy, because her coldness indicates that. There are different breakups and in many even when the people are hurt this coldness is not present. We have to find the source of this, and then fix it. It's also possible that she is cold because you told her you were expecting this and you don't care anymore. That could also be the reason. Whatever it is she's shut you out and is not communicating and that makes it very hard for you to do anything to fix this.

[toknow]

...............................

[Bewsh]

Just read your reply toknow but I'm not currently on the computer at home, writing this on my phone. I will read it again in the morning and reply the best I can about the coldness.

Thanks for the advice, chat in a few hours

[Bewsh]

This doesn't surprise me at all, because she seemed pretty cold and uncaring during your illness. I think you would be right to try as hard as you can to get her back to have a piece of mind that it was not you who ended it. Again, I think she sees you as the "enemy" right now for some reason, she is very cold about this, it might be because she is mad at you, there is some kind of grudge here for a lack of a better word. She seems somewhat defensive. This is not good, she does not see you as she did before. You remember I told you about punishing her for not showing care, love. It's almost like she is feeling pressured and forced. This is the feeling I'm getting. If that's how she feels, this will turn off a woman very fast and she'll see you as a complete stranger. It's almost as if she feels that every time she doesn't do something that is expected of her for the relationship she gets punished. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but this is how she might be seeing it. You have to fix this, or this is the end. This is one of the worst feelings you can give a girl and it turns them off like nothing else. It's probably almost like abuse to them. It will be hard to fix, but it is fixable. If she fears you, and I'm not saying you are abusive to her, but if she fears getting punished as I mentioned earlier she can not love you. Has she had an abusive childhood? That can make her extremely sensitive to things, even if there is no reason for that. We have to figure out why she sees you as the bad guy, because her coldness indicates that. There are different breakups and in many even when the people are hurt this coldness is not present. We have to find the source of this, and then fix it. It's also possible that she is cold because you told her you were expecting this and you don't care anymore. That could also be the reason. Whatever it is she's shut you out and is not communicating and that makes it very hard for you to do anything to fix this.

Yeah I think I understand this quite well. I mean, when I think back on it, I guess in a way I WAS sort of punishing her, but I never did it on purpose, and I would never even think of punishing her/making her feel awful. Though having said that, when I think back to about the 3rd week in, which was when it started going downhill, i'd say things like "Can we meet up soon this really sucks" and she'd respond with she couldn't because I was still highly contagious, then i'd be like "Yeah [say something thats moody]" And I think by me doing that, made her feel like the bad person because she felt as though her not coming to see me was making me feel down etc.

Same as in the 4th week when she was busy etc and didn't keep saying she missed me and loved me (She said she didn't say it because when she did, it made her miss me more. So she found it best not to say it and remind herself) but after a bit of her not saying it, I'd either say something like "You haven't said it for a few days do you not love me? " and i think this also made her feel a bit bad. Just all little things like that which aren't good.

And right, she hasn't had an abusive childhood. HOWEVER, From the age of about 8 or 9, up until she was 15 or 16. She used to get HEAVILY bullied for being overweight. She came home from school everyday crying apparently, and whenever she went places in public, people she didn't know would sometimes laugh at her and say something horrible. This got to the point where she was so depressed about it that she used to cut herself. And I don't just mean, one on the arm or something. When she told me about this months ago, she showed me her arm and I thought that was the only place, but I then realised she had faint scars all over her legs, all over her arms, just covered in them if you look close enough. She lost all the weight when she was about 15 or 16, and she looks great now, though she STILL see's herself as the overweight girl she once was. All of this made the relationship for the first, i'd probably say 7 - 8 months really quite difficult. She was so emotionally down and her insecurities were so bad that she would sometimes just cry to me for ages. I was always there for her though, I personally think this is what gave us that REALLY close bond we had, the fact that she knew I was going to stay with her and help her through it meant the absolute world to her. I remember the first month after going out, sitting in her room with her and she looked really down. I asked her what was up and she just burst out crying saying that I deserve a better girl than her. I told her "Look at me. I am NOT going anywhere. I'm yours, you're mine. Everything is going to be fine, I promise you" The looked on her face was amazing, could just see how happy she was. The following happened again like every 3 months or so, once again I said the same and we got a little stronger.

And oh wow. I just learned something that I think could honestly be a big part of this. Her hormones/mood/emotions when she's on her period have ALWAYS been ridiculous. Like, every time it was that part of the month, I knew I had to pretty much stay clear and completely watch what I say. So yeah, that shows that her hormones are affected by stuff etc. Now this is what I learned earlier, apparently, it's common in girls/women that when they first start taking birth control pills, for the first 3 months until the body adapts, it can really greatly affect their hormones/mood/emotions. Now, from what I've read, it's apparently not good for the body to just suddenly come off the pill before that 3 months (I think). Now, what i'm trying to say here, is when I got ill, she started taking her birth control pills (First time ever) about 2 days after I was ill. The first week I was ill, she was fine. Same for the second week. The 3rd week was when she started to seem really irritable. The 4th week was a bit worse, and then the 5th was her saying she didn't want to contact me for a few days. I would say that transition seems like a pretty fair example of the pills doing it's job. They take a bit of time to kick in, and that seems like the perfect time they would start working more.

So basically with that pill stuff, i'm pretty sure that would be affecting her hormones, she's getting irritated by me, then having loads of fun out with her friends. But the pill would probably multiply this by A LOT. Which could also affect the way she feels because of how irritated she was, I don't know.

Oh and btw, a little example of how her hormones change when on her period. Walk home from college with her, things are normal, then she starts talking about her stressy day. She starts getting more annoyed, I personally find it slightly amusing so I just say "Look this day is over now you can just go home and relax haha " instantly a snappy response like "Yes, but I can't though can I! I have so much f*cking work to do when I get home it's neverending, you know how much work I have to do, you know I never get time to relax!" (exclamations marks are NOT to be mistaken for a lighthearted sentence, they were said in anger) Now take that sentence again when she isn't on her period. "Yeahh I guess I can sit down for 10 minutes when I get in, then i'll carry on with work again " BIG DIFFERENCE. Sometimes after her period too, she'd say "Omg you pissed me off so much the other day when you said that I just wanted to hit you" and she'd admit it was funny, it was just her period that make everything escalate.

Wonder if the birth control has actually got something to do with this. I kind of hope so actually, when she gets off of them and she comes back down to reality so to speak, back at college, all her mates are at university, she'll soon realise she shouldn't have let go of me I can 100% guarantee you she will regret it

[toknow]

Now we are getting somewhere, Watson!

So, from what I heard, you are the abused one in the relationship...lol.

The fact that she had it tough when she was younger will help you actually in this case. Because she is more needy and her needs are specific which will make it harder for her to find just any boyfriend. You have no idea how much your chances of getting her back have just increased.

Yes, hormones, it could easily be the pills. And once they wear off, and she isn't the Hulk anymore, she'll most likely be looking for you. Let's see what happens.

[Bewsh]

Now we are getting somewhere, Watson!

So, from what I heard, you are the abused one in the relationship...lol.

The fact that she had it tough when she was younger will help you actually in this case. Because she is more needy and her needs are specific which will make it harder for her to find just any boyfriend. You have no idea how much your chances of getting her back have just increased.

Yes, hormones, it could easily be the pills. And once they wear off, and she isn't the Hulk anymore, she'll most likely be looking for you. Let's see what happens.

Meeting up with her in 4 hours from now, so nervous about it but I need to stay calm lol.

Not sure whether or not if I should bring this up to her. Probably best if I don't. But I could just say about how I did things I wouldn't usually do if I wasn't ill etc blah blah, we never gave it enough time/a chance to even go back blah blah.

I dunno, i'm sure once I get started talking i'll be on a role, will definitely come back here and let you know what happened though

[Bewsh]

So I said i'd comment on how it went after the meet up with her. It went how I expected it to go, which was for nothing between us to change. But I feel MUCH better for saying it and getting some other questions answered. I know that if I didn't I'd still be thinking etc etc. I actually walked away very positively.

I'll explain how it went. We met up, she had a bag with some of my clothes and that in it. She said she washed everything and that she was going to spray it all with her perfume, followed up by a "But I didn't know if you'd like that though" and I was a bit like "errr yeah, why spray it when i'm not with you anymore lol" We went for a walk around the park, I told her exactly how I felt, I'm not going into detail in this post because I'll just be repeating everything I've typed in this thread haha. Basically just told her the reason I was speaking to her, properly layed my cards on the table.

Everytime I mentioned about giving it another chance and that time to fade away, I could see her everytime she would think it all through like she was willing, then I could actually see her physically snap out of it then say "But I still dont think my feelings would change though" And everytime I mentioned the situation, I said to her about how I'm sure if this past month never happened you'd still feel the same. She responded to this everytime with "But you don't know that though because that never happened, they might have still changed" Then whenever I brought up giving it another chance because they might go back to how they were she'd say "But we don't know that they will though we might end up a couple of months down the line and still feel like this" Which I responded to with "But how could you possibly say that if we don't give it the time and chance?" after I would say that she'd go silent and have nothing else to say. Still seemed weird to me.

I mean, I accepted the way she felt and i didn't pressure her into anything, I just told her exactly my thoughts on it. At one point she did say "But surely this past week my feelings would have come back, but they didn't, which is why I think this is the right decision" Which I accepted and respected, but also feel that she still see's me as the negative boy that upset her for a month, and she's put these thoughts so far into her head that they aren't going to come back like that.

I have accepted it, and I know now to move on fully, but i've gone with my gut instincts EVERY single time not only with this relationship, but with other people in life too and they have never failed me to be honest. I still FIRMLY stand by with what I think. Which is that at this present moment in time, she is in a phase where yes, she does feel this way, and yes this does feel right to her, but from what happened today (will go into bit of detail below) and the whole scenario of it all, she will eventually lose the phase and her feelings will come back.

Also with this whole phase thing i'm talking about. You may think what i'm talking about is weird, but i've experienced it before big time with her. I cant remember exactly when it was, it was either JUST before turning 18, or was right after turning 18. I had a friend of mine who had wanted me to be single for ages so we could go out on the prowl so to speak in clubs etc. After weeks of him constantly saying "Come on man, these are the best years of your life why would you want to be in a relationship?" it really put me in a bad way with the relationship. Everytime I spent time with her I didn't want to be with her, whenever she phoned me I didn't want to chat, at that specific time, for quite a few weeks I really felt my feelings towards her had changed, I'd never felt like I was happier without her up until then and it really upset me for quite a bit. I thought about breaking up etc but just didn't know when/how. I thought i'd leave it a couple more weeks just to see, then without even realising one morning I woke up and it sort of hit me and I was like "oh god, what even just happened :/" "I love her, can't believe I felt like that before" and that was after we had sorted it out btw. We spoke about it and I still felt like they wouldn't go back for a couple more weeks, but then they did. Was just a really weird phase that I can't even explain why it happened properly myself. I mean, when we met up during that time and we kissed, I found myself not even wanting to kiss her, and when she did I wouldn't kiss her properly or passionately, and I didn't find myself getting aroused by kissing her/her in general. Weird, right?

Okay so a bit of detail of today

She said that she still looks at old photographs of us together and reads old letters/cards etc.. strange.

She told me her feelings may come back within the next few weeks/months, but that obviously she doesn't know for sure and that she doesn't want me to wait around because that isn't a healthy thing to do. (See once again, it RELATES to the phase thing.)

She also said that she feels that our relationship was the type of relationship 15/16 year olds would have. Have no idea what she means by this at all because throughout our relationship, she ALWAYS said that we are so much more mature than every other relationship around us, and that we always acted older in the relationship. Really have no idea what she meant at all lol. Just seems to me that she's unsure of what she's saying/wants. I mean 1 year, 5 months it was always "we're mature" then after a couple of weeks of a bit of moaning we're suddenly 15/16 year olds? She's definitely unsure in what she's trying to say lol.

RIGHT, now left the big boy 'til last haha. This is the thing that made me think that yes, she's definitely unsure, that it is a phase, and also showed me that she's holding up some sort of barrier. So basically, we had that long discussion round the park, we started walking home to the point where we both had to walk the other way. We stood against a wall and she hugged me etc which was fine. Then she stood away a bit and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I thought yeah fair enough, just a kiss on the cheek. But she kept every now and then giving me this look. Like one minute, she'd have the look of "Yeah it's over", the next minute "I want you to kiss me" I gave her a kiss back on the cheek, I kissed at the top of her cheek, right under the eye. As I was going in, she looked at my lips and slightly started moving her lips towards mine, as if she thought I was going in to kiss her on the lips. I was quite taken back by this and wanted to experiment further (Please note that at this time I didn't care at all, I in no way felt that by me kissing her would make it hard on myself) She giggled after the cheek kiss. I kissed her on the other cheek, but a little lower, and she once again looked at my lips and moved hers towards mine. (If anything, she would have moved them AWAY from mine so I had easier access to her cheeks...) By this time I found it amusing and wanted to experiment even more. I kissed her again on the cheek, next to her lips, she moved her lips towards mine so far that the corners of our lips now touched. I stood back for about 5 seconds and we were both in silence, she was looking at me and I moved in slowly towards her lips to experiment. There was PLENTY of gap between us, she could have easily moved back and gone "Woah what are you doing" or moved her head to the side to force me to kiss her cheek again. But instead, as soon as I started moving towards her lips, she INSTANTLY moved towards mine and we both kissed, then immediately after that without moving we kissed again. Then she burst out crying right in front of me and said "Adam this isn't fair" Then she stood infront of me crying with our noses touching and we kissed on the lips again but that time she started moving in more, but this time straight after the kiss she moved back and said "this isn't fair on you" I actually felt no emotional connection towards it whatsoever so I felt fine about it. I made a brief joke and said "This can be closure, it's just an adventure in a dream " but then she said "but i dont feel that way, we have to leave" Just seems like she has that 'barrier'. But whatever, today gave me closure so now I'll move on

But yeah, I do firmly stick by what I said. I think after no contact for weeks and weeks, maybe it will hit her. I don't know, i'm not wait around though. Either that or when she meets another boy and kisses him she might find it strange and it'll click then. I have no idea. Though also talking about boys, around where I live, it's VERY hard to find a boy that wants an emotional connection, from what I always hear and see, all they want is one night stands. She's still a virgin and has always thought that people who do that are just idiots and have absolutely no self respect/morals. (Way she's been brought up) Every boy she dated before me was like that too, I was the first who didn't want that. Maybe it'll hit her then, who knows

[toknow]

I'm glad you were able to sneak in the kiss in the end. It will stay with her even if she isn't sure about her feelings. It's important to end things on good terms.

I'm starting to wonder there might be another boy she might have met at the clubs while you were sick. That is very possible. And that might be why she feels guilty leading you on. Also, you remember I told you when you show her she isn't being a good girlfriend she gets defensive. That might be because she realizes that and she feels guilty. And just like you felt you wanted to be on the prowl for girls at the club with your friend, and were trying to rationalize your relationship. This might be her phase, she might be going through the exact same. And like you, let's hope she snaps out of it, before finding another guy.

If it were me, I'd have let her go a long time ago, as soon as she wasn't sure about her feelings. Because for me, if a relationship is so flimsy and unstable that can end at any point, then there is just no reason to waste your time on it.

[searock]

She's still a virgin... maybe that's what she meant by "relationship for 15-16 years olds".

After I broke up with my "second" ex (not the one I talked about on the other thread), we met a couple of times the following week to clear things up. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to break up for good, and he knew this. I told him exactly what your ex told you: that I had no idea what I was going to feel in a few months, that maybe the feelings would return, but that I didn't want him to be waiting around for me since I just couldn't be sure. Well... I guess that deep down, I always knew that they wouldn't return. Otherwise, I wouldn't have broken up with him. I just wasn't ready to completely accept that it was definitively over. Anyway, when we met soon after the break-up, since I was so used to being physically close to him, I wouldn't step back when he came closer to hug me, when we sat down and he held my hand, etc. I even got REALLY close to the point of kissing him when he leaned in to kiss me, because it just felt so natural, and obviously I was still attracted to him (I wouldn't have been with him all that time if I hadn't been). I just barely stopped myself in time and turned my head away, because I knew that it would have just hurt him more. It took me a little while (about a month) to realize that my confusion was just sadness at the thought of our relationship ending for good, and that I had actually made my decision a long time ago.

Basically all I'm saying is that her being confused right now, doesn't mean that this is "just a phase" that will eventually pass. She may realize more and more as time goes by that her life really is more satisfying without your relationship. And I just have to add... I also got the impression that she might have someone else on her mind. I most certainly did.

I know that you are set on moving on, but I'm afraid that you still hope for her to change her mind some day, in about a month or so. I think that in order to move on effectively, you should completely let go of this hope/expectation.

I'm sorry it went this way, but hey, high school relationships almost never last. Keep the good memories and all the lessons learned, they will turn out to be very useful soon enough :-).

[Bewsh]

I'm glad you were able to sneak in the kiss in the end. It will stay with her even if she isn't sure about her feelings. It's important to end things on good terms.

I'm starting to wonder there might be another boy she might have met at the clubs while you were sick. That is very possible. And that might be why she feels guilty leading you on. Also, you remember I told you when you show her she isn't being a good girlfriend she gets defensive. That might be because she realizes that and she feels guilty. And just like you felt you wanted to be on the prowl for girls at the club with your friend, and were trying to rationalize your relationship. This might be her phase, she might be going through the exact same. And like you, let's hope she snaps out of it, before finding another guy.

If it were me, I'd have let her go a long time ago, as soon as she wasn't sure about her feelings. Because for me, if a relationship is so flimsy and unstable that can end at any point, then there is just no reason to waste your time on it.

She could have met another boy, but these times we've met up we've been totally honest, she told me before that she didn't like anyone else and promised me etc. Plus the people she goes out with are my mates too, and they haven't mentioned anything so I doubt it. But she can do what she wants, I don't mind now i'm not with her. Though obviously that doesn't mean it won't hurt if I see her with another boy. But i'll be with other girls from now on anyway so not to sound horrible, but I probably won't even be thinking of her soon. Will probably be then that her phase ends haha.

I've realised during today, especially the last few hours that towards the end of the relationship I really wasn't actually that emotionally into her as I thought. And for me to realise this has really made me think so much more positively, and that yeah perhaps it was for the best.

I still think she's in a phase though and it'll pass, will be too late for her by then though, sadly. Just wonder when it will hit her

[toknow]

Just think of this as a blessing. You wouldn't want to end up with someone who changes their mind that easily anyway. As I said I wish there were tags on these types of girls, so we can stay clear of them. I sure wouldn't wanna waste my time with one like that.

Go find yourself a girl who knows what she wants and appreciates it.

[Bewsh]

She's still a virgin... maybe that's what she meant by "relationship for 15-16 years olds".

After I broke up with my "second" ex (not the one I talked about on the other thread), we met a couple of times the following week to clear things up. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to break up for good, and he knew this. I told him exactly what your ex told you: that I had no idea what I was going to feel in a few months, that maybe the feelings would return, but that I didn't want him to be waiting around for me since I just couldn't be sure. Well... I guess that deep down, I always knew that they wouldn't return. Otherwise, I wouldn't have broken up with him. I just wasn't ready to completely accept that it was definitively over. Anyway, when we met soon after the break-up, since I was so used to being physically close to him, I wouldn't step back when he came closer to hug me, when we sat down and he held my hand, etc. I even got REALLY close to the point of kissing him when he leaned in to kiss me, because it just felt so natural, and obviously I was still attracted to him (I wouldn't have been with him all that time if I hadn't been). I just barely stopped myself in time and turned my head away, because I knew that it would have just hurt him more. It took me a little while (about a month) to realize that my confusion was just sadness at the thought of our relationship ending for good, and that I had actually made my decision a long time ago.

Basically all I'm saying is that her being confused right now, doesn't mean that this is "just a phase" that will eventually pass. She may realize more and more as time goes by that her life really is more satisfying without your relationship. And I just have to add... I also got the impression that she might have someone else on her mind. I most certainly did.

I know that you are set on moving on, but I'm afraid that you still hope for her to change her mind some day, in about a month or so. I think that in order to move on effectively, you should completely let go of this hope/expectation.

I'm sorry it went this way, but hey, high school relationships almost never last. Keep the good memories and all the lessons learned, they will turn out to be very useful soon enough :-).

Yeahh I understand what you're saying. It'll just take some time. Like I tend to have high days and i'm thinking ahh yeah it's fine, like yesterday. Then I have days where it comes crashing down like today and I just sort of think "How can she truly change after such a small amount of time" etc

I've been thinking about what she might of thought about the 15/16 year old relationship now. You know how in most relationships, it starts off with like madly passionate love, very affectionate sex life etc. Then after a few months it fades out. Well with ours, we didn't have that physical passion at all because she was really insecure etc. So the first year of our relationship we just spent time together working on the emotional side (We'd passionately kiss still) and then after that amount of time and we had that really strong connection, things started to happen. She always told me before that though that she wanted me to be the one she'd lose her virginity to. But yeah, looking back on it, we eventually started getting physical, and after a few weeks of that it seemed as though we were both like animals and it's all we ever really did.

She even said to me yesterday, she was like "I mean this was our first relationship, our first love, and also tbh we were very hormonal" then she looked at me laughing "Yes because we were VERY hormonal" as in talking about what we kept doing. So now that I think of that, maybe it wasn't what she wanted. Maybe she just wanted the more emotional side. I mean the way she's been brought up, and just generally how she is as a girl she'd prefer the emotional side. I remember when we first started getting physical she did actually say to me "I don't want this to happen everytime we meet though, it can just be a one off thing, or like a reward on special occasions" then after that nothing happened for a further 3 months. After that 3 months and something happened again, because it had been so long we were both extremely nervous, and we spoke about it after and i said "If we was so nervous maybe we should try it more often" she replied with "Well we don't need to plan for it to happen sort of thing, it depends on the mood of the situation doesn't it. I guess it will sort of happen when it happens" which i agreed with. Then I believe after that nothing happened for almost a month. Then it was after that month we spent a lot of time together alone indoors because the weather was bad, and it was happening literally every time we met up, only time it wouldn't was when someone in the house was in.

She was always willing to do things though and never said she didn't want to. But maybe deep down she didn't. She's like a very womanly women sort of thing. As in first dates should be kiss on the cheek, then after she knows them more it turns into a small passionate kiss. And she'll only do 'things' if she's known them a long time and is 100% comfortable around them. I was her first but she's always told me that anyways.

P.S forgot to mention about her virginity. I'm sure you already gathered from what I said above, but obviously she see's that as a VERY big deal. She said to me she knew she wanted me to be the one, I think because of the emotional connection we had, like I helped her through a lot, she helped me through a lot etc. She told me she knew that at about 7 or 8 months. But even then she wanted to wait longer and make sure it was all perfect etc. She eventually got her birth control pills sorted out, and she was always saying to me "I can't wait " then she finally took them the day or so after I got ill. (That actually adds to my confusion though really, all that shows me was how connected she was feeling to me at that time, then it just suddenly faded away so fast lol. Guess she just didn't feel that love she needed, perhaps felt single, then for some reason when we re-united they didn't come back. It really sucks)

[Bewsh]

Just think of this as a blessing. You wouldn't want to end up with someone who changes their mind that easily anyway. As I said I wish there were tags on these types of girls, so we can stay clear of them. I sure wouldn't wanna waste my time with one like that.

Go find yourself a girl who knows what she wants and appreciates it.

Yeah if her true feelings change that fast then who needs her so to speak haha.

Not sure if i've mentioned this at all in the thread, don't think I have. But basically, we knew of eachother from school, we had never spoken to eachother though. I told my friends I thought she was pretty hot, which got sent back to her, she said the same about me. We started speaking on the last day of school. We spent a few weeks in summer together dating etc, but I was playing it cool. We both really liked eachother, we were really happy. But suddenly one night I get a text from my mate telling me she's with some other guy now. She sent him "Adam does know we're just friends, right?" She didn't even have the guts to tell me. Probably should have just forgotten about her then. Oh also you know I said my gut instincts are always right. As soon as I found out about who she was with I told myself "Give it a month and a half and she'll be single" about a month and a half I find out she's single.

We still spoke all the time but as friends, I always had her on my mind and always wanted something from it. I went with my gut instincts again and told myself "I don't know how long, but something with us is GOING to happen, I know it for sure" a couple of months went on, we were still speaking as friends. Got to around november-ish, she invited me out to go see a concert, just me and her. After that concert I knew she wanted to kiss me, but I didn't. The next day it was a snow day, we went out together, just the two of us. After that I cut contact until new years eve, where she invited me to hers and we kissed. After that I knew it was on, started going out in january.

First half of that story shows how her feelings suddenly changed, but to be fair I was playing it far too cool and gave the impression I wasn't interested (Which she did later on tell me when we started going out)

Then the rest is basically about my gut instincts lol. They've always been correct

[searock]

Yeah well, in healthy adult relationships there is no such thing as "planning ahead" for when you're going to do "things" (you mean foreplay?), they just happen and both parties are very much into it. Well you *can* plan ahead for sex actually, especially if you're both pretty busy persons, but it's more like "hey how about tonight we have some fun", to set the mood and... well, it's all very natural and spontaneous.

People rarely stay together with their first love for a long time anyway, the first relationship is more of a training for the real stuff that comes later. This happens because at such a young age, people can change a LOT in a very short amount of time. I remember a few years ago (I'm 22 now) I would look back at how I was the year before that and think "wow, I'm a totally different person now!!" and I was right. Some things might have happened to entirely revolution my life - a holiday abroad, going to uni, meeting a new guy. I'm not sure, because I haven't had that experience yet, but I guess that when you grow older than 25 or something, the changes slow down and you stay who you are. That's why getting married before that age is rarely a good idea.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter what she does from now on. She may change her mind (I doubt it), she may not, it's not your problem anyway. You are no longer with her, you have no reason to think about her. Focus on other things, meet new people, engage in interesting activities, think about your future, your dreams. Enjoy the summer, go on vacation somewhere new if you can, with new people. Best thing you can do IMO is to go abroad by yourself, in a study-work program or something. It will be a life experience that you will never forget. Have fun, you are young and free :-)!

[toknow]

Oh, so there was another guy in the beginning. Hmn...It's very possible they might have gotten back together and she probably didn't tell you that she's talking to him. If you haven't, ask your friends if they've seen her talking to him recently, or while you were sick. Something looks fishy to me. And another important factor, did that guy dump here or did she dump him?