Am i a douchebag or is she overreacting?

[misombra]

She wanted to get rid of you anyway. She's 21 and wants to hang out with lots of other guys before she settles down with one who chats up "friends of friends" of the opposite sex on facebook.

[HeartIsAching]

She wanted to get rid of you anyway. She's 21 and wants to hang out with lots of other guys before she settles down with one who chats up "friends of friends" of the opposite sex on facebook.

Yes, I think that's true too.

[LoneWolfie]

Painful things to hear and more painful things ahead of me. But thank you for all the replies and advice. Except for the ones pretending to be an e-tough guy.

It's been a lovely three years with her, i'm going to miss it, and her, really really badly.

Goodbye all, and good luck.

[LoneWolfie]

I have had a 'broken heart' many times before in my life but, holy crap this one hurts more than all the others, i literally cried myself to sleep. Not very manly heh, usually not my thing but ...dang i'm an emotional git when it comes to love....

[LoneWolfie]

My gods, i feel so bad.


This afternoon she finally got online on MSN after a long absence (LC/NC on both sides) and suddenly started talking to me and a mutual friend of ours, we think she was very drunk.

She told me how she is now sort of dating a girl. It's not official yet but they like each other.... that was tough to hear but at that moment i could atleast cut all contact and move on.

Sadly she started talking all about her wild parties the past week, skipping university and her very important essays that need to be done tomorrow in order to get drunk. Appearantly she's been parting hard throughout the week together with this new girl she met and is now sort of dating.

This new 'gf' she's seeing dragged her into more clubs when she wanted to go home, poured vodka down her top, they danced and chatted up to everyone and went home with some random guy. At his place they partied drank and danced throughout the night and trashed his place.....and woke up all 3 of them in his bed, noone remembering if they had sex or not.

I asked her how the heck she could go that far and get so drunk she might have had unprotected sex with a stranger and ruin her uni stuff and she replied with a weird: "*shrugs* it happens. To most people anyway".

And she felt it was a proper university life week and felt it was all worth it. She is usually extremely driven and worried about her uni grades etc, and this promicious behaviour she used to have before she met me was something she used to feel bad about.

So i told her i was going to step away, that i couldnt see her ruin her life like this and get hurt by hearing these stories that make me sad. That she can contact me only when she stops being like this and if she changes her mind and wants me back and we MIGHT be able to talk about that but that now she has lost me completely, even my friendship. (something she was terrified of the past months). And taking her back is a big if and is going to bring with it a lot of working on her issues before i do so. And a pregnancy and STD test...

Owh get this, last thing i said was that i loved her, she said she loves me too. So i told her its just a friendlove she feels and that she has moved on and no longer has sexual/romantic interest in me. She said "of course i still have that". So then i told her if she still has that she should work on her issues insted of doing this. She had no reply to that and that was the last of her, she went offline a short while later and i removed her from all my ways of contacting her and removed all her pictures and things that remind me of her.

Whatever she does while she's single is up to her, w/e, she's free to do as she pleases. If she wants me back in the future i just need to know if she's clean and not pregnant, and i wont be confronted by random guys/girls she spread her legs for......

But i warned her before not to give me these details but she did anyway because she was probably too drunk to notice. From what that friend of ours said she literally just copy-pasted the same story to us both. He was also uncomfortable and shocked at her behaviour.

Seeing an ex with someone else is enough reason to break contact, hearing her tell these stories while drunk and not thinking of how it makes me feel is another reason. Finally, watching someone you care about drink, dance and shag her life to ruin is enough reason to get her out of my life.

So thats what i have done. I think in her drunken stupor she had no idea how it made me feel. I will not be there to catch her when she comes down from her wild partying high and feels like she's worthless.

I would like to apoligise to everyone on this forum who was right all along and me being naive and too lovestruck to think that by being patient with her she would come to me to fix things like she said she would.

Time to move on, heal, find someone better. All 3 of those things feel like climbing mount everest. Lesson learned though, no more mister nice guy, i'm going to need help with that maybe.

Is it possible to actually feel physical pain in your chest where your heart is from a break up this bad? Because the past hour my physical heart has been hurting, no joke...

[Gypsybell]

Well, I did write a whole lot of things about what didn't feel right about this relationship, but I have just deleted it because, having just read your last post, I realise the issue has changed. Now you don't need advice to end it, but congratulations because you did!

Sorry you're hurting, but you have so much revulsion for the acts this girl is publicly admitting to you would not ever be able to accept her as she is. Probably only a desperado would and I think maybe you have been a little gullible to hook up with her in the first place. She's not your type. You could only ever hope to be a pit stop in between 'outbreaks' to her.( Could she be bi-polar? With her extremeism it sounds like it). Move on and chalk it up to experience. But forget the budding bitterness. You have no cause to feel other than you are fortunate to be out of her neurotic orbit. Don't walk, Run! Your heart will be just fine. I wish you well.

[LoneWolfie]

Perhaps the real issue here is why either of you are/were having on the side interractions with members of the opposite sex (of the kind that caused reaction from you both in the negative). ie, You said you had words with her about her male associations, and looking for female contacts of your own was the end result. Does sound a little tit for tat. And any request to see any type of foto of another girl is a disloyalty in the eyes of a female. Logical, fair or not.Its just a fact. 'Over reaction' means she's perfectly normal and downright livid because you not only elicited the fotos, but stuck them under her nose, just in case she didn't 'get the picture' that YOU were attractive to other girls. A tad jealous of her male contacts I think. And that's reasonable,too. If you had True love and trust in your relationship, you would not be in this situation. It is too 'circumstantial' and trivial to be worth persuing.

Turns out the picture thing wasnt even bad or the reason for the break up. Guilt over her mental issues and "holding me back" and "waisting my time" were.... The picture thing just made her indeed realise that i have a choice in staying with her, and she felt it was time to tell me her real issues.

She was fully aware that i was looking for some female friends. Infact, 2 years ago she said she would feel weird if a guy never had any female friends. I didnt stuck them under her nose btw. A bit jealous of her male contacts, yeah perhaps, and i wanted to work on that issue by seeing for myself that having friends of the opposite sex wasnt a big deal. That backfired immensily....

Her mental issues were holding us back from living together, which is ironic as she got drunk and slept in some random guy's house without any problems.....maybe even having had a threesome with him and her new "GF".

Urgh, typing that last made me upset and have images in my head. MAKE IT STOP :'(

[Gypsybell]

On the other hand, iif your heart is still hurting and common sense hasn't fixed it, then maybe YOU are "over reacting" (as in hyperventillating)to being humilliated so publicly, and not the least of it, replaced by a lesbian rival. (though it sounds like you were fully aware of past behaviour that 'made her feel worthless' so it shouldn't be such a shock) .But try breathing into a paper bag and slow that racing pulse down. Stress overload will often mimic a heart attack. Hearts don't break from love, mate, unfortuately you have to live through it.

[Gypsybell]

Turns out the picture thing wasnt even bad or the reason for the break up. Guilt over her mental issues and "holding me back" and "waisting my time" were.... The picture thing just made her indeed realise that i have a choice in staying with her, and she felt it was time to tell me her real issues.

She was fully aware that i was looking for some female friends. Infact, 2 years ago she said she would feel weird if a guy never had any female friends. I didnt stuck them under her nose btw. A bit jealous of her male contacts, yeah perhaps, and i wanted to work on that issue by seeing for myself that having friends of the opposite sex wasnt a big deal. That backfired immensily....

Her mental issues were holding us back from living together, which is ironic as she got drunk and slept in some random guy's house without any problems.....maybe even having had a threesome with him and her new "GF".

Urgh, typing that last made me upset and have images in my head. MAKE IT STOP :'(

Yeah, sorry about that post. I did it before i read your latest one (on the real issue) and thought I'd deleted it. but obviously not before you zapped it up. It's all nasty for you. Hope you can see that getting the real issues dealt with are better than pussy footing around for years . If she is a lesbian or bi-sexual you have buckly's chance of changing her. Try to talk to a flesh and blood friend, some things need more than cyberhugs, but I send you one just the same.

[LoneWolfie]

Yeah, sorry about that post. I did it before i read your latest one (on the real issue) and thought I'd deleted it. but obviously not before you zapped it up. It's all nasty for you. Hope you can see that getting the real issues dealt with are better than pussy footing around for years . If she is a lesbian or bi-sexual you have buckly's chance of changing her. Try to talk to a flesh and blood friend, some things need more than cyberhugs, but I send you one just the same.

Thank you. I never minded her being bi-sexual btw, i dont see it as a bad thing.

Yes she needs to deal with her issues insted of, what i think she's doing, hiding and going wild and ruining her life, which will only make things worse. But she has decided to do this and let it be known to me in a rather callous way. And my words wont do anything for her anymore, so my actions...or specifically my IN-actions, are going to speak to her now. Which is to say i am going NC because i rips out my heart to see her go down this path, and to see her with someone else even though she appearantly still loves me greatly. A path she appearantly already followed before she met me. A path that started when her first true love of her life was murdered infront of her eyes, and she tried to fill the void and replace the pain with mindless partying, relationships and sex. A path she came off of when she met me and changed and for 3 years she led a stable life and was a decent proper young lady who worked really hard to get ahead in life and who i was proud of.

But then the therapist sessions stopped as she no longer seemed depressed enough to be a danger to herself....a idiocy beyond imagine in hindsight as the issues were merely buried and covered up with an illusion. One that shattered once her issues caught up with her and she realised i could date other girls, without her "flaws" and issues that have been holding back our relationship. Last september she was having suicidal thoughts again and appearantly it was "fixed" with a single 5 hour session after which she was told that she will just have to get over the fact that she wants my love in order to feel worthwhile. (reason for her becoming heavily depressed was indeed me pulling back into LC and her wanting my love/attention/intimacy back).

There were no follow up therapy sessions.....

If she goes into regular therapy, and we work on the circumstances that caused her to break up with me, and if she can proof she hasnt gotten pregnant or a disease from her current promicious lifestyle, then perhaps we can try a clean slate and new relationship. But i am not expecting that to happen or wait for it to happen. But i do certainly hope for it


EDIT: heart pains faded, i was not physically overreacting or hyper-ventilating fortunately. I might have some health issues....along with a career in shambles and a destroyed relationship...yaaaay stress, 10CC of morphine strait to the heart please.

[LoneWolfie]

Oddly enough, talking to my friends, and posting on these forums, about my relationship with her, and the things that happened and went wrong seems to make me feel less upset. Is it part of the 'healing' proces to analyse what went wrong ?

On the bad side, when i think of the sexual things she might be doing with other people at this very moment i get upset. Must be because things are still so raw for me....

[LoneWolfie]

You may try to change your life now even the life before is well.
But many people want to have another new found, a new kind of dating feeling.
===Affluentsingle.СòM=== is a great place for singles to get to know each other,

And here i was happy to see a reply that might help, only to get this kind of thing. They need to invent shotguns that work through the internet....

Back on topic now please.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

See, my prophecy has come to fruition, and I thank you for holding up your end and returning to deliver my lulz.

You're delusional. She does not want to get back with you. When she says, she was holding you back, what she really means is that you were holding her back. She's enjoying what she's doing now, whether you think it's ruining her life or not, and for you to come up with stipulations for her to get back together with you is laughable. Get over this girl, and go complete NC, like I suggested before and do not worry about her coming back. Move on, you will always be a doormat to her.

[Wakeup]

On the bad side, when i think of the sexual things she might be doing with other people at this very moment i get upset. Must be because things are still so raw for me....

So raw for you? You broke up 5 pages ago!

[LoneWolfie]

So raw for you? You broke up 5 pages ago!

Ha ha, funny...

As i think i mentioned, that unexpected drunken contact moment last sunday ripped it all open and it's raw again because of hearing her being with someone else now. I did not expect her to take absence of all her common sense and contact me again to happily tell me about her new lifestyle with this new "person". Appearantly she must have been far more drunk than i first realised to do something that stupid and hurtful....urgh!

So please dont post smart-ass comments, regardless of your fancy signature you dont have to be an ass to offer advice. And if you're just trolling, go away.