Should you tell your friend about her cheating husband?

[vashti]

Maybe she (I) is. But you guys undermine EVERYTHING that comes out of us kids who have lived in situations like this. You all say for the kids well I'm saying AS A KID it sucked hariy balls to see shitty relationships last on the account of us "kids".

Why are you laughing? That's very kind of you.

I do not dismiss your position entirely. I understand that many kids have parents that handled it wrong. The correct solution is not always as black and white as you would like to believe, though obviously, if you have parents that behave poorly, they are better off separating. I am merely pointing out that SOMETIMES, there IS a better alternative, and that there are sometimes more important values to take into consideration when there are children involved than hurt feelings over a fling.

[vashti]

you said that my personal experience sounds "young and idealistic".

i take great offense that a lot of members here think that because they are older and have kids and are married that they KNOW ALL. you prove that it is not the case. i am a young woman who lived with parents who stayed with each other for the "sake of the kids" and i am telling you that i would have much rather them separated to be happier for themselves than have stayed together being miserable. saying that just because i'm young, that my input should just be shrugged off is absurd and is the type of mindset that leads to so many people being unhappy... an intelligent, open-minded person would take in all the information possible from all possible sources to come to an educated, and well-rounded conclusion. god, i can't stand this stubborn mindset that older people have....that it's their way or no way. what's ironic is that it's so childish!

You are entirely too emotional about this topic to be objective. Sorry.

[girl68]

Maybe you have not dismissed my opinion in regards to this but Indi is one who not so delicately put that I know nothing about divorce since I have not been through one. I have, it was just I went through it with different eyes. The eyes of a child you all claim to want to protect.

Yes there sometimes is better ways, but I don't think it should be you (the bff) to decide for your friend that she shouldn't know because you think she's better off that way.

Maybe it's better phrased: what does your bff think of telling other their partners are cheating? If you two really are that close you should generally know her standpoint on the subject.

[klonk]

You are entirely too emotional about this topic to be objective. Sorry.

i don't think that is the problem.

the problem is you are giving advice to the original poster as if your word is final. it should be an ongoing discussion, hence the idea of a forum. as opposed to a Q/A session.

[RdHrshyKss]

lol, wow vashti, way to manipulate my posts. i'm emotional only now because you personally attacked my input with your "lol" and "haha" and "whatever" comments. i was completely rational, unemotional, and put forth my input in a very well-stated way.

i NEVER said that this woman should leave her husband. i said that her friend should tell her what she found out so that her friend could make an EDUCATED decision on what to do at that point, whether it be go through therapy or the husband making the choice to go with the other woman. at least she will be able to make a better decision on what to do with her life and her children's lives, rather than being surprised last minute when her husband decides that he wants to run off to mexico with his new "fling".

[vashti]

i don't think that is the problem.

the problem is you are giving advice to the original poster as if your word is final. it should be an ongoing discussion, hence the idea of a forum. as opposed to a Q/A session.

Who are you again?

And where exactly did I give advice as if my word is final?

[vashti]

lol, wow vashti, way to manipulate my posts. i'm emotional only now because you personally attacked my input with your "lol" and "haha" and "whatever" comments.

Someone who was objective wouldn't have been so easily offended.

[RdHrshyKss]

Someone who was objective wouldn't have been so easily offended.

my emotion was towards you, a very rude person who does not give a rats ass about how your comments might offend someone, especially someone who is opening up with things from their past/childhood that is important to them. your statements were purposefully offensive, i'm done directing comments towards you, it's a waste of my time.

[vashti]

my emotion was towards you, a very rude person who does not give a rats ass about how your comments might offend someone, especially someone who is opening up with things from their past/childhood that is important to them. your statements were purposefully offensive, i'm done directing comments towards you, it's a waste of my time.

Hahaha

okay.

[IndiReloaded]

Ruth, finger-pointing and "should've/could've" aside (none of which is immediately useful right now), the bottom line for these situations is always this:

How important is the cheating relative to providing a stable environment for the children?

Its a personal decision to make, but you should know there are some parents (male AND female) who will decide that cheating can be forgiven, or turned a blind eye to for the sake of maintaining a family's stability.

There are others who don't have the desire or discipline to separate their own needs about what a perfect relationship should look like, from the well-being of their kids. In those cases, where the offended spouse CANNOT overcome their unhappiness with their partner, they should divorce.

Both decisions come with consequences, for both the adults and the children.

If you decide to stick it out, only do so if you can truly forgive or suck up the offense. The children will not thrive in a home where either parent isn't responsible enough to do this.

If you decide to leave, make sure your ducks are lined up and you are certain you can support yourself and your children before you make the final break. Otherwise you are moving from frying pan to fire, and taking the hapless kids with you.

Many women (and, sadly, it usually is women) divorce based on an emotional decision and end up regretting it later. Try to avoid this. Good luck.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with indi all the way...but the thread was in regards to whether she should tell her friend or not, and my point is that the only person who can make an educated decision about all the things indi stated, is the wife. the best friend should not make this decision for her.

ruth - you should tell your friend...

[IndiReloaded]

Maybe you have not dismissed my opinion in regards to this but Indi is one who not so delicately put that I know nothing about divorce since I have not been through one. I have, it was just I went through it with different eyes. The eyes of a child you all claim to want to protect.

I'd feel really horrible about this if I didn't know that those who I've "offended" with my bulls-eye comments lap up my posts like aqua vitae. I don't give a shit whether you like my delivery. It doesn't make me wrong.

In case you hadn't noticed, I know tons of stuff. I forget more than most ppl ever learn in their lives. Who says I need to be nice about it? I might even be doing it for a reason, tho not likely one you would understand.

Grow up and stop whinging about posts I made months ago. Don't you have a life?

[RdHrshyKss]

i don't think she was really whining...just stating that there are two sides to every story and if you want to have an educated opinion about something you need to be open-minded to both sides...each person has something important to bring to the pot.

and i also think that this forum would be a lot more useful if people refrained from being unnecessarily obnoxious and rude to others who are just giving their input. seems like i've joined a forum of bitchy, cat-fighting women who just like attacking each other rather than helping each other in a PRODUCTIVE way (and i'm referring to the lol's and the hahaha's and the whatevers when people are talking about something personal...it has no place in this forum)

[girl68]

Oh jesus. You said I don't know shit. I do. It ain't the same shit, but I know shit. But I realize you're the smartest bitch around. Whatever.

[RdHrshyKss]

we'd all be better off if we helped each other out...isn't that what this forum is for??? to help each other!?!

the personal attacks are completely unnecessary and detract from the entire purpose of this thread and every other thread on here...get a hold of yourselves people!

we're supposed to be helping Ruth! (and i still think you should tell your friend what happened )