Why are girls good at...

[katya]

That sounds a lot like the radical feminist literature I had the pleasure of reading for about a month..

It actually tries to justify this as a good thing by twisting it and saying.. "men try and manipulate nature and the world around them.., whereas women are able to accept it as it is"

Oh those evil violent men.., bastards all of them I tell you!

I don't think that's true across the board..

I've definitely seen that with the artists that I've dated.., and that girl from Florida.. Living in the now.., with no care or thought about what lies ahead tomorrow.. Budgeting is like a chore.., they don't like to think about how they manage their money or plan for their own future.. It's uncomfortable for them to analyze or look at how much money they spend relative to how much they make..

For exes who where business or science related.., not at all the case.. Very responsible spending and money management habits.. They treated their education and future like a project.. Managing and monitoring it at every step of the way.. Planned on getting Bachelors and finishing with highest honors.., how is that going? What do I need to do to make it happen? What is my alternative plan if it doesn't happen? I actually thought that was very attractive..

I remember a German girl back in college.., we went to a restaurant.., I think it was Tao.., and I left what change they brought us back as a tip.. She looked at me like I was crazy.. "You're leaving too much! I think $18 is enough".. She was right.., it was roughly 15%.. (no Jewish jokes please).., Oh man.., I was so turned on.. I just wanted to have sex with her right there and then.. Something about how quickly she determined what a fair tip amount was.., how she was concerned about it.., how she insisted I leave less.., like it was "our" money.., I thought it was really cute and romantic.., it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside..

I think all those "free spirits" are just carefree about the future..

I don't think it's a "woman" thing at all..

I also know guys who have zero money management skills.., bad spending habits.., don't like to budget.., don't want to know how much they spend each month relative to what they make because it would bring them so much shame.. Don't plan for their future or really care to think about it at all..

I have a lot of friends who are artists and some know how to manage money and some don't. But to be honest, I do not believe in extremes and generalities, black and white theories about anything and that of money as well. I enjoy people who are relaxed and not concerned about every little cent they spend (that, of course, does not mean to the extent that might damage their living).

[Henry123]

Not true exactly. Women want responsible, mature, stable and honest individuals, .

So if the guys cant provide nor protect nor let her emotionally lean on him she would still want him? So the guy who sits home and play videos games, has no life ambition and is boring would still be attractive to women?

Now I didnt say they were the sole attributes.

Adventurous is not the first priority when you are looking for a solid relationship. I would never choose somebody who is just fun and lacks all of the other qualities I look for just because I enjoy spending time with him. He will not be a good mate in the long-term sense. We need more than that.

Did I say being adventurist was the first priority? I dont recall I did.
Nor do I say they were the sole attributes.

There were alot more attributes I would add on but I didnt want to go rambling about it too much.

[katya]

So if the guys cant provide nor protect nor let her emotionally lean on him she would still want him? So the guy who sits home and play videos games, has no life ambition and is boring would still be attractive to women?

Now I didnt say they were the sole attributes.



Did I say being adventurist was the first priority? I dont recall I did.
Nor do I say they were the sole attributes.

There were alot more attributes I would add on but I didnt want to go rambling about it too much.

Ok. Thanks for you comment. You said that women like adventurous types first, as if that is very important characteristic (I saw what you added in later posts, but I didn't read that much after and I only concentrated on your first answer...of course that you didn't mean only this characteristic). To be honest, that characteristic would not even matter to me. Of course he has to have ambition; however, I am not after his success or money...those are not the most important things...being mature, responsible, honest and hold a stable job (whatever it is) is what I am looking for. Without that, I would not enter into a relationship even if I like his other qualities. That's a deal-breaker for me. Because tomorrow we might have a family together and I need to know that I can rely on him because of our kids (not so much because of me...I can take of myself), but because of our kids. They need to have two good, stable parents and I will bring my part and expect to bring his as well. Because of the kids...

[katya]

Sorry, my answer misses a few words (I am not going to correct it)...but yes, I can relate to different personalities...funny, serious, gregarious, likes to spend time alone, doesn't matter to me as long as they are good people, mature and intelligent...

[Tedel]

@ the OP, maybe because when a guy comes and tell them "you know? you are cute/nice. Maybe we should go out someday and do something" they find it too direct. They prefer the ones who lie them telling them they're the most beautiful girls in the world/place and things like that.

[Arcanide]

@ the OP, maybe because when a guy comes and tell them "you know? you are cute/nice. Maybe we should go out someday and do something" they find it too direct. They prefer the ones who lie them telling them they're the most beautiful girls in the world/place and things like that.

I can see that. Would I admit my first post is wrong? Yes. Do I regret what I said? No.

[blackzj52]

keep it up. this is interesting and im learning alot from this

[Henry123]

Ok. Thanks for you comment. You said that women like adventurous types first, as if that is very important characteristic (I saw what you added in later posts, but I didn't read that much after and I only concentrated on your first answer...of course that you didn't mean only this characteristic). To be honest, that characteristic would not even matter to me. Of course he has to have ambition; however, I am not after his success or money...those are not the most important things...being mature, responsible, honest and hold a stable job (whatever it is) is what I am looking for. Without that, I would not enter into a relationship even if I like his other qualities. That's a deal-breaker for me. Because tomorrow we might have a family together and I need to know that I can rely on him because of our kids (not so much because of me...I can take of myself), but because of our kids. They need to have two good, stable parents and I will bring my part and expect to bring his as well. Because of the kids...

I understand where you are comming from Katya because of the kids. Makes perfect sense to me.

[miSSleepy]

...Dating pompous assholes and guys that will treat them bad? Do women like being abused and dating the wrong people?

ughhh not again! There are 1001 such threads, complaining about assholes vs. nice guys. And it's usually from a guy who has just been rejected in some way.

[Mish]

For exes who where business or science related.., not at all the case.. Very responsible spending and money management habits.. They treated their education and future like a project.. Managing and monitoring it at every step of the way.. Planned on getting Bachelors and finishing with highest honors.., how is that going? What do I need to do to make it happen? What is my alternative plan if it doesn't happen? I actually thought that was very attractive..

That's certainly true. I've known a lot of women who can micromanage smaller parts like these as well once certain goals are in sight (or pressured upon them, by parents, peers etc.)

But once again when it comes to bigger picture, I've seen men as more in control of what they see for themselves. I don't want to come off as biased on this (although I probably will) but most guys I know already have their future planned for at least the next 15 years. This excludes uncertainties ofcourse, but things like mortgage, career rises, education pursuits and even family are already broken down into different age slots and the guys are moving towards meeting these targets. Example 25 = education advance 28 = a house / apartment, 30 = career advancement etc.

For majority of women I know these targets are simply not there. When I ask, I mostly hear "well, no one knows what the future will bring, who knows what will happen tomorrow". "But you can plan your tomorrow, it's not going to happen for certain but maybe there's a 90% chance if it's plannedl" I say. They shrug. That's roughly what I mean.

P.S. I bear in mind of course that this perception might be due to my experience with women in my immediate surroundings

[GrkScorp]

I bear in mind of course that this perception might be due to my experience with women in my immediate surroundings

Well.., me and my younger brother are the only boys in our entire family.. Every other uncle or aunt has had girls.., and growing up with 9 female cousins.., I have this to say..

"Women.., are just like men"

Bold statement to make.., and it might be hard to accept at first with all the humor and stereotypes one hears growing up.. It might be hard to accept that the thing you're told you are "not" and "opposite" to.., is really not too different from you at all..

Some minor biological differences that might effect "thinking".., due to areas of the brain and glands that make for greater variation and stronger emotional responses.., but at the core.., and I say this with no doubt whatsoever.. Men and women are the same mental animal.., just in different bodies..

I actually have a much easier time getting along with women than I do with men.. I personally feel men are stupid.. Most of my "friends".., genuine.., non-sexual close friendships.., are with women..

There might be a bit of a selection bias.., but across the board.., the way the two plan their lives has little to do with their gender.., and more to do with their life experiences.. (to which have been significantly shaped by their gender "roles")..

Side note:

I remember back in either undergrad or grad.., some guy.., Joseph I think.., came to me with the CPA passing rates..

Business Environment & Concepts: 47.3%
Financial Accounting: 54.6%
Regulation: 51.2%
Auditing: 52.1%

He said: "Wow! Isn't that interesting! I could almost surely expect the opposite from BEC & FA.. FA is supposed to be the hardest part.., BEC is supposed to be the easiest.."

Yeah.., and that could actually help explain why you see the results you do.. Because your expectation of difficulty will effect the hours you study.., which will effect how prepared you actually are.., which will effect how you do.., which will effect the passing rate on each part of the exam..

The point I'm trying to make is..

Pretend you grow up in a female body..

Bear with me for a second.., just try and imagine how that would be like.. You're 2 years old.., and you're in a female body.. Your "sex" is "female".., and your "gender" (role) is "feminine"..

When you cry.., you aren't told to "shut up and stop crying.., to start being a boy.., that's what little girls do.., that's sissy stuff.., boys don't have feelings".. No! You're a girl! Remember?

Sooner or later.., you discover a world of comfort in your parents' overly emotionally sensitive parenting style.. It gives you license to be irrationally and irresponsibly emotional (should you choose or be tempted to be)..

Keep growing up in this body.., taking on the same gender role.., and never ever self-identifying with the male gender role.. Daddy? When you want something.., he's the one to turn to.., he'll take care of you.., make his little princess happy..

You can be tactful for this next part.., and blame it on Disney movies.. But I'm not one to be politically correct here.., no matter how offensive this might be for some (either because it does or doesn't apply.., I apologize in advance).. You have more than one parent.., daddy is your provider.., but your teacher.., your educator.., your guide to being a successful "woman" and winning in life.., is your mother..

It's not long until you get well-versed and undergo intensive training of "feminine" wiles.. Not "all" mothers do this.., and even the ones that do.., do it to various degrees.. But "mean girls" are more the result of parenting.., not of the child's nature.. This can lead to manipulative behavior or emotional dishonesty in relationships.., but one thing it inevitably leads to is shaping the view "you" now have of men..

You'll eventually find Mr. Right.., and he'll sweep you off your feet.., and he'll take you to his castle with his platinum chariot with diamond studded spinnin' rims.., and take care of you for the rest of your life.. It'll happen.., guaranteed my little princess.., totally realistic.., don't you worry about a thing..

Now.., just try and fathom this for a moment.. You're being lead to believe.., early in your childhood.., that you will find someone to take care of you.. (again.., exceptions just like starbuck.., it may not be the same story with many of the posters here.., but there's a reason the free market produces books like "How to date High-Net-Worth Men" and websites like "sugardaddy.com")

Well if that's the case.., then do you expect your motivation to plan your life or be financially stable enough to support an entire family by yourself to stay the same? Increase? Decrease? Do you expect to see men a certain way and have a certain expectation from them?

Note: It doesn't make you a "gold-digger".. It's quite reasonable to expect that your partner (male or female) is contributing financially.., in some significant way to the family and household..

But if your motivation for this is not "increased".., perhaps like it would be if you had the same mental nature but simply been born into a male body and had to assume a "masculine" gender role.. And if you are lead to believe or feel that you will just find someone who will take care of you.., and experience a lack of motivation that's required to make the mental effort to think or worry about these things.. Then you can expect the results to reflect this..

Feminists are strongly against the psychological "warfare" (if you will).., effectively made against women just by the nature of traditional gender roles.. When you raise girls with an archaic belief and value system.., you hinder their ability to succeed in a modern world..

The assumption that's necessary to make that statement logically sound is that "men and women are mentally similar in nature.., notwithstanding the effects of development and life experiences due to the gender roles they are expected to conform to"

Just because you're a woman.., doesn't mean you're a Feminist.. I remember my oldest cousin saying.. "I fcukn' hate feminists.., if it wasn't for them.., I wouldn't have to be working right now".. On the other hand.., I know plenty of women who are.., as you say.., very good at career/financial/future micromanagement.. Not because they have an inferiority complex or try and be like men.. They're not bitter women.. They're just genuinely hardworking and realistic.. They also do have more loving and stable relationships (but maybe because there are fewer financial constraints or issues)..

There's no doubt in my mind.., that at the core.., without the roles they have to play.., or the roles they have to face.., men and women are the same.. Any difference you might be seeing between the genders.., if not due to your personal selection of friends and sample bias.., is the result of the effect their gender roles have had in their personal development.., it has nothing to do with being a man or a woman..

[Only-virgins]

See you in a few weeks when you finish reading that Mish.

[Arcanide]

ughhh not again! There are 1001 such threads, complaining about assholes vs. nice guys.

And there's probably gonna be 1001 more.

[Tedel]

And there's probably gonna be 1001 more.

I don't think so.

Personally, I think that women keen desire of feeling safe has them turn to the ones who appear stronger or more powerful... even if they are using that appearance to hide a bunch (if not more) of doubts and insecurities.

Of course, you need to make a difference between a nice guy who is too coward to speaking his mind and... well, a man that walks around the world under the shade of his own serenity.