Husband Insists It's Okay to Look at Dating, Escort, & Marriage Sites

[IndiReloaded]

I think there is a HUGE difference in a woman watching some chick flick and some man visiting random escort/dating sites. LOL

The usual reason why men visit these kinds of sites, is to look for dates/no strings sex/something permanent. To view this kind of site, is to open up a 'window of opportunity' and one in which someone might be tempted to cheat, even if they are not looking to cheat.

LOL, no its not. At least not always. You don't think people can have casual curiosity about things?

If a partner of mine visited escort/dating sites and after I'd expressed umpteen times that I wasn't happy with him doing so, I'd find it disrespectful and he'd be disrespecting me...and I'd leave.

I agree with this^.

A guy masturbating to porn, while refusing to have sex with me, would be gone also.

And this^.

All I'm objecting to was your blanket statement without any context. Of course, like the OP, if it starts affecting your real sex life then its crossed a line. When my husband showed me some of those sites, we had a good laugh, some of the posts were hysterical.

I suppose, tho, there are women who freak at the idea of their men going to a stag party, etc. That kind of thing has never bothered me. Shrug.

[xxazurexx]

LOL, no its not. At least not always. You don't think people can have casual curiosity about things?



I agree with this^.



And this^.

All I'm objecting to was your blanket statement without any context. Of course, like the OP, if it starts affecting your real sex life then its crossed a line. When my husband showed me some of those sites, we had a good laugh, some of the posts were hysterical.

I suppose, tho, there are women who freak at the idea of their men going to a stag party, etc. That kind of thing has never bothered me. Shrug.

Stag parties don't bother me either.

My ex husband had all the freedom in the world. Nights out with the lads every single week, weekends away with the boys.I didn't bat an eyelid....

Perhaps the reason he had numerous affairs, is because I trusted him way too much.

Never mind, all in the past now and I've moved on

[xxazurexx]

LOL, no its not. At least not always. You don't think people can have casual curiosity about things?

Of course.

But we aren't talking 'casual curiosity' here. We are talking a guy who is frequenting them regulary and getting his rocks off when he does so.

I could excuse curiosity...regularly, no.

[IndiReloaded]

I think I already made a clear distinction b/t the OP's case and your original blanket statement. I didn't know you had a partner who cheated tho. That puts things in a different context. I'm not advocating blind trust either, just that one needs to understand the motives behind someone's interest in such things.

Anyway, I wonder how Render is doing, and if she's regretting her ultimatum (or not). Emotions go up, intellect goes down, and all that.

[bluesummer]

Curiousity is one thing.....that would imply looking at them once or twice. Looking at them constantly indicates a problem. I thinked I looked at a dating site once last year, when my mom mentioned she went on Plenty of Fish. Someone who's on them multiple times has a different agenda. I would consider that disrespectful.

Anyways, your hubby sounds like a douche. He MUST have shown some signs of this behaviour before you were married though? I can't imagine you got married and then he morphed into some uber-asshole. I don't know how you put up with it for more than a week.

[xxazurexx]

I didn't know you had a partner who cheated tho. That puts things in a different context.

Yeah. Guess that is why I would have zero tolerance and if in that situation with a guy.

Like I said, looking through curiosity I wouldn't mind. A regular thing....no way

Viewing porn, fair enough he's a guy. Masturbating over it and me going without....no way.

[Gigabitch]

He sounds like he's about nineteen.

[IndiReloaded]

I dunno Giga. He's in grad school which puts him in at least his mid-20s, probably closer to 30.

I just wonder when I see posts like this:

When I am in the way, he doesn't ask me to move, he just shoves me out of the way. If I have something he wants, he doesn't ask for it, he just yanks it out of my hands. He acts like a two-year old child when he doesn't get his way, whining about how I don't treat him as well as his mother did (SHE used to leave breakfast in the microwave for him so he wouldn't be hungry if he slept through breakfast). When he eats, he makes a huge mess, says NOTHING during the entire meal (just eats loudly and messily and as fast as he can) and chews with his mouth open. I know that sounds small, but it's all combined, it's a lack of manners and respect. He calls me horrible names, like "piece of shit" and "****ing moron". He insists that he is "ten times smarter than me" but asks me to help him and/or write any papers he needs to write for work or grad school. He has not had a job since we married. You have no idea. Today he needed to take a fax number down, so he just yanked my laptop out of my hands to type the fax number on it.

I guess I just don't believe that a reasonable adult, one at least intelligent enough to get into grad school, would just start doing these things out of the blue. Unless he is insane, in which case, WHY would she marry him? Something just doesn't scan about this story.

Render is just a bit too antagonistic and ready to blame all their relationship problems on this guy, IMO. Its too bad we won't ever get to hear his side of things. That's not to say they shouldn't split anyway, but I would bet much that Render isn't nearly as much the victim as she's making herself out to be. I wonder, actually, if she's been married before?

[enfant terrible]

Or maybe he's changing his mind about being married to an older woman, although when he looks at these dating, marriage, and escort sites, he continues to look at women of my age and similar in appearance to me.

I do think he has a fantasy that if he were married to a women who was 20 or 30, she would have no objection to his "window shopping" online. I told him that any women who respected herself would not want her husband doing this, particularly when she is sexually available to him and open to him looking at pornography already.

Quite frankly, I have no idea what he is doing. He makes statements without supporting them with logic or reason, and throws labels about, like this new "21st century guy" kick he is on.

As I said, pornography is okay, but not dating/marriage/escort sites. Those are all pretty much guaranteed avenues to eventual infidelity.

I'm ready to leave him if he doesn't open up, be honest, and commit to improving our sex life and communication, as well as stop spending time on these inappropriate sites.

Totally. Your husband is an asshole. He should not be looking at sites like that at all, that is so disrespectful to you. Porn is fine, it's fine as long as the girls aren't available for real imo.