I'm not sure if I'm being selfish and hurtful...but I feel very bad.

[michelle23]

lol as I said already-infatuation, heads in the clouds

OP you have already been in two long term relationships (that we know of) that were both dysfunctional and hear you are again rushing into something new without taking any time to heal from the last one. Can you see a pattern here??

Make sure you are making the right choices and this time-don't stick your head in the clouds or wear your heart on your sleeve or start talking weddings and babies etc until you are sure you know this woman well enough to be making any commitments or promises to her.

You sound like a love junkie (in love with the idea of love) or simply terrified of being alone.. Make the right choices for you as you only get a few real chances at happiness.

[Confused7478]

Yes Michelle23 I agree completely. I am not necessarily afraid to be alone. I was "single" for about 6 months after my last breakup (before this one). I had been with a few women though - I was working security at a bar and had been with almost every waitress YIKES!! So I guess I am addicted to love. I will try and take it slow with this new relationship, but about a week into our relationship (the new girlfriend) she took me out for her birthday. There was literally like 100 people there whom all knew the situation in its entirety!! After about 1.5 hours of interrogation by her family and friends they had said that they were satisfied that I had moved on mentally from my relationship even though there's healing that needed to be done. I just answered all of their weird invasive and truly personal questions as honestly as I could. Then they said "welcome to the family". I suppose that is kind of diving head first. It's very scary for me, because until this point I have been living like a hermit / very anti social for years. Partly because my ex couldn't get out much and she really never wanted to. I didn't have much reason to go out without her - nor did I want to for fear that I may lose control of my emotions and do something stupid (living in a sexless relationship takes a huge toll after time). Now with my new girlfriend, she is sooooo social and out there. It's crazy. Mind you she had me over the other night to watch TV and just stay in bed which was nice, but she loves to go out an be social. It's a huge change for me - to be honest I'm kind of scared shitless when I go out with so many people, then I'm like "wow, Iv been missing so much". Neither of us (my ex or I) had really any friends. I took time to have coffees and such with friends of mine, to keep in touch and not completely alienate them. However she did not. I have been begging my ex for years to get her license. So she could go out and be more independent. Meet up with her friends and have girl nights. She kept flunking the learners exams (I don't think she studied enough imo) and then would get down on herself. I taught her how to drive by taking her into the countryside and letting her drive the back roads. She just never went through with it. I'm going to make sure she gets her license and I'll sign over my civic to her. Just so she can get out and heal with friends.

[michelle23]

Enjoy your new journey but please learn from past mistakes. I understand how awful, frustrating, depressing it must have been to be in a sexless relationship and I do have empathy for you but if that was me in that situation and nothing I tried to do fixed anything or he was not willing to seek professional help-I would leave after 6 months as sex is important and why should anyone miss out..

That may sound extreme or even selfish (6months) but it is better than being miserable all the time and feeling lonely, neglected, depressed, unloved and thinking about cheating all the time.

[Confused7478]

Thank you. Thanks to all of you for contributing. I'd like to return the favor someday. Maybe after I learn some emotional discipline or get some therapy. I will pursue this new relationship carefully. We really enjoy each other's company and will hopefully blossom into something really deep over time. I'll watch for signs that things are not panning out and I'm promising myself - and all of you here - especially you Michelle23, that I will put my foot down so to speak and ensure I don't drag a bad situation out for longer than needed.

Regardless of it's entirely my fault or not, I hurt the person who loved me the most. I feel like a piece of $hit for that, but as you said Michelle23, I made my bed. I have apologized to my ex so many times for how I ended things and she said that one day she may be able to forgive me. I suppose that's good enough for me. I would like to have her in my life as a close friend forever if possible.

I'm still open to comments and suggestions - I love to hear different views on the subject. You all may think that it's just simple typing and a bit of advice, but this thread alone has really helped me deal with the emotional tragedy that I have been involved in. That has been tearing my brain apart. I haven't been able to sleep or eat properly...so I really want to express my gratitude to you all for truly helping me. This is the most intellectually and emotionally disciplined forum I have ever posted on, whether it be about cars or relationships.
Thank you again!

[bearz]

Good luck to you!

[michelle23]

Your welcome. I hope it all works out and i hope in time your ex will be alright. This may be a blessing in disguize for her as she may take this as an opportunity to look inwards aand make some positive changes too as you will.

Best of luck