A cry for help

[dre760]

Hey guys.. so alot has happened since I last posted here.

I had lost my keys to my car and she has the only spare. So I had to contact her. She came over and we hugged and then exchanged all of our belongings back to one another. Neither of us asked about each other or brought up the relationship. It was kind of awkward but we kept it short and then she left.

The next day I called her and asked if she wanted to hang out that night. She told me she would think about it. Got a text about 30 mins later saying it would be a bad idea. I agreed and apoligized.

Another week goes by of no contact. I see her at school driving and we both smiled and waved to each other.

Another day or two of no contact go by then this morning she texts me asking if I have some college books that she can buy off me or if she can have them. I said she can have them if she wants. She seemed really happy and said thanks. Later that day she texts me asking if she can stop by to pick up the books. I agreed and she came over. While she was here she really acted normal and the awkwardness wasn't there. We talked for a good 20 minutes or so when I asked her if she watched a show the other night that we always used to watch together. She said she didn't and asked if I had it on my DVR. I said yes and she asked if we could watch it. I agreed and we watched it. Took about an hour because she paused ti and told me this long story about her Uncle. The show finished and we talked for another 5 or 10 minutes or so. Still not asking about the break up or how we've been doing or any of that. She then asks about my schedule on Wednesdays. Turns out its very similar to hers and she asked me if I wanted to carpool. I agreed and then we said goodbye.

How exactly should I be taking all these things? It seems like she really cares about me and still really wants to be friends with me. She is not the type of person who will let all her feelings out if she wanted to get back with me. She is really strong and is really good at fighting her feelings like this.

Now I am just really confused as to what I should do. Do I want to be back with her? Hell yes but, I do not want us to fall back into our same pattern as before. I was rude, selfish, and got extremely jealous when we were together.

I would do anything for this girl, and I honestly want the best for her.

Please give me any suggestions as to what I should do and also how exactly should I be taking these signs she is giving me?



Thanks for all the help in advance. You guys have been sooo much help.

[dre760]

Also just found out shes been wanting to go out and party and that some of her guy friends have been hitting on her since we broke up.

omgosh im dying... someone give meeeeeeeeeeee some advice from my above post.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, you have to be careful you aren't setting yourself up for another mental "breakup", that is getting your hopes up like you are doing now and then getting let down in the end. Don't worry about her getting hit on, she's most likely an attractive girl and they get it all the time. That's you already getting jealous again. Or maybe you are just scared.

I would normally say you should just take it as it is until she comes out with it. If she begins playing hot and cold, and it's throwing you for a loop, than maybe you have to just be honest about things.


She says she is good at being strong and fighting her feelings. How well do you know her?
I was toying with the idea that you can just tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. You love her still, and you aren't saying it because you want something in return. You are saying it because there is no other words to really describe the emotion and that's how you feel. Ask her how she feels. Do you think she would be honest in response? That's where the "how well do you know her" comes in. If she cannot be honest about that, than it isn't somebody you should be after anyway. Either way, you get an answer, you don't have to wonder anymore and whether it's a "yes I still care" or "no I don't" you know the truth. You won't have to look back on life and wonder "What If?" You'll know.

It takes alot of mental preparation and confidence to this. You have to really be honest with how you feel and if you truly feel it, if she makes you feel an indescribable feeling like nobody else has ever done, than it would be proper to do this. You aren't asking her to marry you. You are asking her to go on a date and see where it takes you. That's all.

[dre760]

Thanks cmack. Your posts have really helped a lot.

Still no contact since I last posted. I'm pretty sure she went to a party last night and who's knows what happened there.

If we do end up car pooling, I am not sure if I should talk to her about us or not or if I should just play it cool and see what happens. I do know her really well and to be completely honest I feel like she is set on her decision and that she is only hanging around because she doesn't want me to feel bad.

Does this mean there is any hope at all? Should I go through with car pooling and just be myself and just hope she realizes I'm the one?

Or maybe she is just keeping me around so she can play it safe and if she feels she made a mistake she can come back to me?

I am soooo confused and today was a really hard day for me. I cried so hard today I couldn't. Believe it. Please help guys

[dre760]

EDIT: sry triple post lol

[dre760]

Edit: dry dbl post

[cmacattack1]

Ah, do not be concerned with what she is doing and what hope you have left. I know they are forefront on your mind. Every day she is not with you she could be out there meeting Mr. Right. Take a deep breath and remember that while it's possible, it's not likely.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to hear "I don't love you anymore" so I think you have to do your best to play it cool and not bring anything up unless she does. It doesn't sound like you could really fake it though if you are so torn up inside. I don't know about you but I have the shittiest poker face in the world. My ex could tell if I was lying within 5 minutes of meeting me. You have to really believe in yourself and get that confidence back so that you don't have a quivering lip and tears in your eyes when you see her.

Remember: while you want her in your life you do not need her. You should not be afraid of living life without her. Keep your head up, get it all out before you see her, and take it like a champ when you do see her.

BE PATIENT! She can't keep her wall up forever, but you know she's stronger than you with this kind of stuff. Hang tight man.

[castingstones]

Thanks cmack. Your posts have really helped a lot.

Still no contact since I last posted. I'm pretty sure she went to a party last night and who's knows what happened there.

If we do end up car pooling, I am not sure if I should talk to her about us or not or if I should just play it cool and see what happens. I do know her really well and to be completely honest I feel like she is set on her decision and that she is only hanging around because she doesn't want me to feel bad.

Does this mean there is any hope at all? Should I go through with car pooling and just be myself and just hope she realizes I'm the one?

Or maybe she is just keeping me around so she can play it safe and if she feels she made a mistake she can come back to me?

I am soooo confused and today was a really hard day for me. I cried so hard today I couldn't. Believe it. Please help guys

OK buddy, you need to listen.......This thread is FULL of great advise from guys just like yourself. They may have a little more experience in this department so i suggest you listen to them.

You are in a key position right now. You need to reread this thread and follow what we are telling you. Go ahead with the car pool thing if you would like but you must be strong. DO NOT bring up any relationship garbage right now! In fact, thats how you should think about it, "garbage" she doensnt want to hear it and you dont want to say it. You really need to not do this, it would be a MAJOR set back if there is hope for the future. Remeber, you have to take care of number 1 before you can take care of number 2. Your number 1, good luck!

[dre760]

No call or text about carpooling. Guess I'm on my own tomorrow.

[Perryville]

Dre, everybody is giving it to you straight. There is NOTHING that you can do!! It was your own insecurities that drove her away, if you text, e-mail, call or write to her, it will show her that you are still a needy, insecure person. You can't beg a woman. You need to concentrate on making yourself better, and less insecure. If she wants to try again, you can have NO input on her decision.

[dre760]

Hey guys. So I have been doing a lot better since I last posted. Been real busy with school and exercising and work.

Ex did not contact me about carpooling but today, Friday she was right behind me while driving to school. She texted me saying shes behind me. I wave and text her back. She then asks if I watched our show last night (the same one we watched together a week ago but a new episode.) I told her I didn't and that its on my DVR.

Anyways, we get together later that day and watch it at my house. Both of us seemed perfectly fine and normal like nothing was wrong. Still not bringing up anything about our relationship or carpooling, we just talked about school and other things.

It really was great seeing her and it felt so good to know that she isn't ignoring me and actually has some interest in me still at least as just a friend.


So basically I should still be playing it cool and doing nothing to try and get her back?? Let her come to me???

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, pretty much.

What do you want? Do you want to be a couple, but will settle for friends? Or do you want to nothing less than a couple?

[dre760]

I still want her back really bad lol.

Even though i want her back, im okay for the time being with being just friends with her as long as she's happy.

I care about her soo much and I don't want to be selfish anymore. Yes I would prefer to have her back in my arms but ill be okay as long as she is happy.

[cmacattack1]

Well you have to think about you in the big picture. Are you going to suffer through whatever she wants because it will make her happy?

[dre760]

Most likely...

But I'm willing to suffer for her. I would do anything for her.