I had an affair

[lovestruck]

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.

that hit the spot too.
why does it seem like everyone else knows who I am and what I'm after except me?

[giulia]

I know it's bad to cheat, but it is a cold fact that a LOT of people do it. It is a mistake, yes. But it's not a crime. I think the Apache is right, you are so young. You didn't even get to enjoy being young. I think this is why you did it, to break out of the mould you were being set into. It wouldn't be my choice of rebellion, but it's over now, don't beat yourself up over it. I understand you have a baby, but you don't love John. Not really, at least. Just sit down and look at your life and where you want it to go.

I hope it all works out for you, I really really do.

[lovestruck]

thanks guilia. yea.. im buggin over the fact that I never got a taste of everything I've worked so hard for. Does it really seem like I don't love John? I do. I'm sure of it. As I've said before, I'm just not in love with him and it kills me everytime I look in his eyes, all I can see is how tired he is and how he's just trying to get by everyday.
the other night I asked him, " have you realized that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together?", he replied " thats the way it is ". he's not in love with me either.

[giulia]

Ok, from what I just read it seems like it is time to give yourself and John freedom. I think you need to leave him. It will be hard, and it won't be pleasant, but I truly think you need to do this. I also think it is best for your baby to grow up in a happy environment...what you are in now is not that environment. Keep ties strong with John, you will need a friend and father to your baby (I also don't think you should tell him about the affair). I think he will understand if you ask to break up.etc from what I have read. Im sorry you are so unhappy.

[lovestruck]

Ok, from what I just read it seems like it is time to give yourself and John freedom. I think you need to leave him. It will be hard, and it won't be pleasant, but I truly think you need to do this. I also think it is best for your baby to grow up in a happy environment...what you are in now is not that environment. Keep ties strong with John, you will need a friend and father to your baby (I also don't think you should tell him about the affair). I think he will understand if you ask to break up.etc from what I have read. Im sorry you are so unhappy.

::asks for a hug::

[giulia]

:: HUG ::
:: HUG ::

Are you ok?

[SumGuyinFL]

get the hell out of that relationship - its over, sounds like for a while now too

you cheating and then looking for reasons to do it again isnt cool

[Tone]

And never tell you boyfriend of what you've done. It would serve no purpose other than a huge slap in his face. I don't know why people suggest this. Bury your secret deeply, and do not think about it anymore. Its done and nothing you can do will change that.

Yes, great advice, so he can find out from someone else and shit will REALLY hit the fan!

You DON'T get why people suggest being HONEST!? Do you not understand what are the foundations of relationships?? Trust and honesty. Both those have been broken. That you would want her to live with a secret like that for however long she keeps it is just not right.

As we all know, those little things always come back to bite us in our ass. I'd rather him hear from me than someone else. And more than anything I'd rather live a life free of guilt and knowing that our relationship wasn't a big lie.

[Junsui]

I agree with Tone. It's better for him to find out from her than from some mutual friend.

[lovestruck]

this is the first time I've ever done this. Our whole relationship wasn't all just a big lie. He is the father of my son and will probably be one of two men in my life. the other is my son. He is a big part of me. who i am and who I've become. And although I hate myself right now I still thank him and am very grateful. This may sound selfish again.. but if we were ever to split up, I would want him to remember me as someone who just wasn't ready, not a backstabbing *****. Besides, I wouldn't want him to carry all the anguish thinking that everything was just an act. It wasn't.

[Tone]

How can he think different, if you aren't honest with him?

If you don't want all that, don't be all that. It's that simple. It starts with being honest.

[lovestruck]

How can he think different, if you aren't honest with him?

If you don't want all that, don't be all that. It's that simple. It starts with being honest.

Your right, but it will only make things worse.

[Tone]

Often times the right thing to do is usually the hardest.

[Junsui]

These are all things to consider before cheating. Of course, most people don't.

[Tone]

LoL no kidding.