Negativity

[Tone]

I edited my post... LoL

[Tone]

I'm glad that works for you Tone! With some people though, it doesn't matter. Depression can cloud your thinking.

Only if you're so selfish that you think you're the only one with problems and so self absorbed with your own issues (which 9 times out of 10 usually are blown out of proportion as is) that you can't take the time to think outside of "me, myself, and I." I think, similairly to the shy guy theory, that depressed people are also selfish.

Life is a gift - shame on those who take it for granted.

[Rosebud]

It's not like that though. When you feel overwhelmed with all these things that are bothering you, you feel attacked and feel as though you can't do anything becasue something bad always happens. You don't just feel better by looking at someone else having it worse off then you..becasue that doesn't change the fact that your still struggling with all these things.

I think it's good you look at things like that Tone, but you can't call people selfish for feeling overwhelmed by things they feel they can't control.

*hugs* Tone

[Tone]

Yeah I know, I'm still pissed at Internet Spades (lol) and so I just kind of talk without thinking here cause I want to hurry back to the game so I can wait for people to still play a card. (Ironic isn't it)

So yeah. I understand things get hard... but the way you're talking about it - is like it's a constant problem. Not like a every now and then thing, but like everytime you talk to this friend they got something bad to say, if that's not the case then don't even worry about it. There's nothing you can do. Shit gets hard sometimes and sometimes there is NO solution other than to just let them deal with it. There's nothin you can do.

If it IS a constant problem though, then my prior posts apply. ;p

[Rosebud]

Oh jeesh Tone.... ;P back at ya!!

[Tone]

Well which is it!

Constant problem or is this just a one time situation dealy?

::prepares to bite RoseB::

[Rosebud]

haha, It's here and there. It's more like comments here and there, and the past month I'd say it was very constant. This person ahs been like this for awhile, but some times are harder then others.

[Tone]

Well, there isn't too much you can do for your boyfriend. If he's sad/depressed, just let him know you're there for him, but otherwise just let him deal with it.. I mean we can only do so much right? Can't help a person who doesn't want to help themself.

[Junsui]

Only if you're so selfish that you think you're the only one with problems and so self absorbed with your own issues (which 9 times out of 10 usually are blown out of proportion as is) that you can't take the time to think outside of "me, myself, and I." I think, similairly to the shy guy theory, that depressed people are also selfish.

Life is a gift - shame on those who take it for granted.

It's not that you think you are the only one with problems.

[Tone]

Yeah I know, see one of my prior posts - I think that way only about those people who are constantly depressed, or constantly tryin to complain about how bad their life is.

I've known people like that, anytime you tried tellin them about any kind of problem you were havin they would just come back with what they had to deal with or w/e... always havin somethin negative to say~

[indigosoul]

OK, I do care about this person.. So I'm up for it!

Tone! I wish it was that easy!

Well, first off, you need to listen carefully to their reasons for being depressed. Make a list and prioritize them.

Pick the first one ONLY (sound familiar?) and sit down to discuss this w/your partner. This is where it gets different from the typical "listen & sympathize" method.

You need to attack their underlying logic for being negative about a given thing. One argument at a time. You do this to the point where the ONLY conclusion that THEY can come to is that being negative is ridiculous and irrational. And make sure you are not attacking THEM, just the idea. Got that?

Eg. They hate me at work (negative).
Who hates you?
Everyone.
Who? Be specific.
Joe.
Ok. Who else?
Ummm...okay thats it.
So, is Joe "everyone"?
Ok, I guess not "everyone"...

Get the idea? Most negative ppl have OVERGENERALIZED their problem, making it bigger than it actually is. Usually, generalization is a helpful skill for recognizing and solving problems, but can backfire when ppl apply it to emotionally charged situations.

I hope this makes sense. I can expand more if needed. You see why I say its a lot of work, tho. In the above case, once you have successfully destroyed the "everyone" argument, then you need to move on to "Joe" (why does Joe hate you?...etc.). The important part is that the person w/the negative thought is brought to the logical inconsistency THEMSELF (not you telling them they are irrational). Big difference.

[Junsui]

Yeah I know, see one of my prior posts - I think that way only about those people who are constantly depressed, or constantly tryin to complain about how bad their life is.

I've known people like that, anytime you tried tellin them about any kind of problem you were havin they would just come back with what they had to deal with or w/e... always havin somethin negative to say~

Yeah, this girl I knew was like that. I just couldn't talk to her anymore. Anything you said she turned into something negative about her.

[Mish]

I'm generally a person that even when faced with negative things, I look at the positives to keep my sanity.

You stay positive to keep your sanity? (Takes ten steps backwards)

I deal with it by acknowledging that negativity is a part of life. Something from which you learn and without it balance of the universe would shift and there'd be chaos. But here are important things you can do:

1. Smile
2. Tell a joke
3. Remember something that makes you laugh uncontrollably and try to share it with the person. You won't be able to because you'll be mincing the words. The other person will soon become happy by just seeing you goofing around because laughing is contageous
4. Give a back rub
5. Hugs are free
6. Start sentences with "I remember feeling the same way as you, I really feel for you and I felt the same way as you, but after a little bit of time I started feeling a whole lot better because..."

Hope it helps

[Rosebud]

Yes Indigo, I understand that. Makes lots of sense. What if the negative thought is really a reality? And it's not just the way you look at it.. Do you know what I mean by that?

[TAVS]

Then you have to find a way out of that reality. Remember Jeblina's quote?

If you can't change something, change the way you look at it.

Or something like that