I'm in So much pain, please help.

[Late_vamp]

yes it seems like she's doing this , seems like she wants you to go after her now ... or maybe its just an excuse so she can say you dumped her so she can go back to him ...

[vashti]

Listen to bluevette. He is a MAN, and one I believe has some actual experience with women (unlike another poster who shall remain nameless).

[Hugo Pickle]

That might be the case masta, you see she is the one who did you wrong, but it helps her to blame you for it. As if to say, sorry you don't want me anymore, its your loss.

Also, she might be just trying to test you again, hoping you will cave in and be the same old guy again as if none of her actions meant anything. She knows or fears that you are going to see other women and may be doing the whole, dump you first bit.

but you see, either way, it doesn't matter. you still need to go out with your friends and see other women, I would also see her as well. You do still want her right? Just see her and play a little hard to get. Tell her you want her as a girlfriend, but don't go the whole, "I love you I need you crap" Just play it cool with her and see her and other women.

You have to understand that you have caved in to her crap before and she knows it. She obviously thinks you will cave to her crap again and you can but only to a limited extent. But if you do not stand up for yourself and against her crap then she will "continue" to disrespect you. See that’s the part you aren’t focusing on. You are forgetting that she is treat you badly. All you are focusing on is how much you like her and want her but you are simply following our advice. That’s the first step. but you need to focus on what you need from her, which is her respect. That’s why you can't cave in to her bullshit no matter what it is. Use the force Luke (your instincts.) If you think your being used then don't cave. If it is a mutual thing (like a date or whatever) then go for it. Just practice self control and think before you react.

Its like this, think of her as a woman that you have dated only a few times, don't think about how much you love her or what not. Hide a lot of your interest for her but at the same time tell her you want her to be your girlfriend. Then go out with your friends and invite her along. If she goes good, if she doesn't hit on any woman you like.

What will happen is you will go out with other woman and your friends and you will be more confident, more of a challenge, and more mysterious to her again. She will know that you like her still and she will have to make a choice, either she will chase you a little bit and work to get you back, or she will leave. Either way, going out with your friends and seeing other women is still what you need to do until she makes her choice.

Good luck

You want her chasing you not you chasing her. like this photo.

[Tone]

WOW - some great advice in this thread.

MAN I wish I had LF in my past relationships!

Hayward made an excellent post with some excellent points, Bluevette gave some very very very honest and great advice as well. I also agree with Hugo - that she is the main one playing games here, but then I agree with Hayward that it doesn't mean YOU have to.

Seriously, Masta you could really mess this situation up, like many of us have in the past. OR you could reread, and seriously consider the advice, mainly of Bluevette, and really take the time to let it sink in. The man knows what he's talking about.

What a great tool LF is.

[MastaPDiddy]

Its just so hard when there is only one girl you really want and she wants you.

[Hugo Pickle]

That's why you keep her as a girlfriend. All i want you to do is get your respect back with her. i want her to treat you better. Unfortunately it is something that you have to demand. You have to behave in a way that commands respect.

Like i said, go out with her, be girlfriend and boyfriend, but put your feelings more in your pocket. Then other times, just go out with your friends and dance and get numbers to other women. You only have to do this once a week to put the "effect" or "fear of loss" in her. Then if she starts doing things for you more then "Bingo" mission accomplished.

If she wants you bad enough then take her. She can gain respect for you again, this relationship is not hopeless. You simply have to be more of a challenge and confident. To be a challenge, make yourself less available. If you were working out and planning your life more everyday like you should be then you would be less available.

[MastaPDiddy]

Yea I know. But she's better at this game than I am. For instance, she hasn't called me yet. And by now she would have called me. When she calls I am planning on telling her how I feel and how I'd like to remain boyfriend/girlfriend.

But i don't want to be the first to call. I want HER to call first.

Also if I call and she doesn't answer i think ill be afraid of what i might say to her voicemail.

[theotherguy0123]

then don't leave a voicemail.

[Hugo Pickle]

He's right don't leave messages. I am glad you are starting to think right. You want her to call first. That’s using the old noggin. Remember, as much as she may try to put this all on you, she is the one who screwed up. Don't forget that.

Now stop waiting for the phone call, you should be planning what your doing tomorrow. Did you work out yet? Get your cloths in order, do some self grooming. Trim those nose hairs, anything that betters you to get your mind off of waiting and all this game crap.

And when she calls (she will) you will not tell her about your feelings. Just say you want her to be your girlfriend, and plan a time to go out. Remember, time to be a man, put those feeling in your pocket a bit. If she pushes to bring them out just use some one liners and change the subject. One line you could use if she asks a bunch of questions is "yeah i like you (laugh) Yes Yes you’re my girl, and we're going to (whatever on whatever day)

But I can tell your on the right track, remember, make her chase you, but just a bit. Remember you are the one who told her to see her ex. Do not get pissed if she tells you that she did. I would bet a hundred bucks that some time soon it will come to haunt you that you said that.

[MastaPDiddy]

called her 3 times just now...no answer.

knowing her...that means shes with the ex again.

[MastaPDiddy]

Do not get pissed if she tells you that she did. I would bet a hundred bucks that some time soon it will come to haunt you that you said that.

YEA LIKE RIGHT ****ING NOW.

[MastaPDiddy]

i can't take this anymore...i broke...

i called her AGAIN...left a voicemail

then i just texted her 3 times and the last text i asked her to just tell me if she was with her ex..

still no response....

i cant take this ive never hurt this much before.

[theotherguy0123]

I thought you were over her...obviously you aren't, and no, she'll probably find that annoying that you called 3times, left voice mail and texted her 3 times, it'll annoy me if anybody did that to me that many times just to ask ONE thing. Oo well, too late.

[Hugo Pickle]

Dammit masta, you need to practice some self control. I know it is hard man but you were on the right track and then as you put it "you broke" You were never supposed to even call her and now it has been 6 calls and 3 messages. For all you know she could be sitting at home laughing her ass off. If she is a pro game player then she might be doing just that. I doubt it but you don’t know. She could be just eating up how much she thinks that she"has you"

Calm down. You said she said she still wants you. Fine. Then calm down and play it cool. It is not something that you will "want" to do. It is something that you must do.

Say this to yourself many times
Self control, confidence, and challenge. That’s what all women want.

Now stop running your mind ragged and start working out. Get that frustration out of your mind by physically exhausting yourself if you have to. Go run until you get tired. whatever. Don't worry about missing her call. Let me tell you if she answered the phone when your like this then you will screw up for sure. It might be best if you simply did not talk to her at all tonight.

After your run then plan your day tomorrow. Plan the one time this week when you will go out with your friends and hit on other chicks. What are you going to wear? Where are you going to go? What friends do you take with you? Trust me you will talk to her when she calls you and she will call you. You had better be ready to be cool on the phone if you don’t want to get further in the hole right now.

[MastaPDiddy]

Alright.

She called back. I answered (this was before i read your last post hugo). She told me she wasn't ignoring me but the phone was on silent, right after she left work and that she has been hanging out with an ex boyfriend (one that she no longer has feelings for). She then started YELLING at me because on the day she told me how she cheated...i walked out of the car. She said i didn't give her 3 mi nutes to explain herself and it really made her mad.

Then I asked her point blank: Do you want to be with me. And she said she doesn't know. She says there is just so much confusion in her life right now and that she doesn't know what to do. I asked her to talk to me about the confusion and she said "I can't because you are PART of it."

She then said she had to go and that she would call me back later, if she had time. I told her no, that she WILL call me whether ort not she had time so we can talk.

She said ok and hung up.

Kill me someone.

I have a feeling she is not going to call me back.