Should I be upset about this or not?

[Steven715]

Thanks Steve -

Give her some space to think...

Good for you i know it is depressing i myself hve done some stupid things while i have been in this state as it is so upsetting feeling. I just wish i could say somthing just to make you feel better but insted i am going to be hear so you can talk to me that is my best i can do for you. I know i keep saying this and it is easer to say than do but try and keep yor sprits up just a bit! Try listening to some music loud that is what i do that makes me feel a little better trouble is i sometimes have to go out for a drive as my mum would moan at me lol

[blackiesharley]

Really bad news.

Radio silence from her since Saturday morning. I've left two messages with no reply.

I guess she's blowing me off for whatever reason and doesn't want to tell me. Yet, up until Saturday morning everything was going on a 1-10 scale a solid 10. We were even hinting at a long term thing together.

Otherwise there are only two other possible explanations:

One- Her phone is screwed up again and she'll call me today when she gets in the office.

Two - There's an underlying alcohol and/or drug problem going on here that I am now thinking about in retrospect that maybe I didn't see. She wakes up with a hit or two of pot before she gets out of bed. I'm OK with that (kinda). But yet I walked in the bathroom one night a few weeks ago and found her snorting coke. The next day at the beach she was running to the restroom every fifteen minutes. To do coke? Her sinuses are constantly screwed up and her nose is running 24/7 like a fire hose.

I had another girlfriend years ago go 'poof' and disapear only to learn later that indeed it was cocaine.

She was SO dependant upon me. We were SO close. I can't believe that she'd just say 'Oh well. F**k him.' Something's gotta be going on. Maybe I'll find out what today.

[blue]

BALACKIE HONEY THERE is only so much that you can do here, i know you like this girl but just try not to make assumptions to quick just kick back and see what happens next

[vashti]

Blackie - you should know better than to invest in a relationship with a drug addict. This woman has children, too? Yuck.

[blackiesharley]

Blackie - you should know better than to invest in a relationship with a drug addict. This woman has children, too? Yuck.

I wasn't aware of that factor. In fact I'm still not convinced (I'm not in denial though) I'm just keeping my eyes wide open. The pot I can handle, anything harder, no way. Not only for the emotional factor, but for legal reasons as well. I have a lot to lose that I've worked hard for. I don't want that crap in my house, car (what if I get pulled over for a burned-out tail light and there happens to be one of those drug-sniffing dogs with the cop?) or anywhere else around me. Period.

I've learned over the years though that addicts can be VERY good at hiding their addictions, at least for awhile. Also they are selfish and self-centered when they are on a binge.

This could give us some answers to her recent behavior if in fact it's what's going on.

I'll keep you posted. Today should tell a lot. If there's communication, I'll get some answers. If there's no communication, that's kinda an answer in and of it's self.

This time last week she was hinting at getting married.... Sad

[flurint]

she getting sick of visiting you why? it 3 hour drive or bus hmm don't know about plan but yeh. sorry if i sounded cold but yeh. Long distances relation is ver hard to keep i been thier my self.

[Gigabitch]

OK, Blackie. That does sound bad. She seems to have only two speeds- stop or go.

What's her romantic history like? Has she been through a lot of intense relationships, one after the other? I'm worried she might just run as soon as things aren't storybook perfect any more (reality not being her favorite place to hang out).

[Steven715]

she getting sick of visiting you why? it 3 hour drive or bus hmm don't know about plan but yeh. sorry if i sounded cold but yeh. Long distances relation is ver hard to keep i been thier my self.

Sigh and i have this to come as well if it all works out whitch i hope it does but we both have cars so there is hope for us yet!

Blackie Sorry to hear your new findings/Consernes i realey hope that you get some contact from her and have a good chat about what is happening and for your future!

[blackiesharley]

Well, since you folks have hung in there with me here's the Tuesday afternoon update:

Two phone calls from her starting early this morning. (I called her back) Five emails from her. The last of which was concerned that I hadn't written her back. I had, but guess that there was a technical delay.

Say's he's looking forward to next weekend, is bringing the twins, all seems back to normal.

I'm not sure what to do. I DO love her (to a degree) I think we're great (overall) together and she HAS been very consistant over the months. Maybe she just needed a time-out like me and went out with friends to party.

Having said that, don't think for a split second that I'm not going to keep an eagle eye on her for any potential cocaine problems. Pot? Fine, please open a window and blow it away from me. Hard drugs? Don't let the door hit you in the ass bitch.

On the other hand, if she has a drug problem part of me would work though it with her because I do care greatly. That's a train-wreck waiting to happen. I've NEVER seen anyone successfully get sober and I was in the Hollywood music business in the '80s, the best Doctor's, the best re-habs for my bands but it just never worked.

Day by day. Stay tuned...

[Steven715]

Will do mate hope that you get more sucsess with things that is good that you are going to stand by her. I to day am having one of my depression days and it is all working up to the point i am asking myself questians on what if still this is my problem and i am stuffed so i dont know what to do i realey want to let off steam but cant i can feel it building up and my blood pressure and heart rait have gone up so i know i am getting peed off but i have had a bad dat at stupid work so that is not helping at all i blody hate SMS I realey do especially for things to do with "Love" still i will see all the very best mate!

[Gigabitch]

On the other hand, if she has a drug problem part of me would work though it with her because I do care greatly. That's a train-wreck waiting to happen. I've NEVER seen anyone successfully get sober and I was in the Hollywood music business in the '80s, the best Doctor's, the best re-habs for my bands but it just never worked.

...

I have. Fifteen years ago, my ex got sober and he's still sober. He was a musician, and I think it made it even harder for him. I think part of the problem with musicians is that life without drugs just can't hope to compare with life on drugs. It's just so much fun.

Your girl, though. Maybe she could get to a point where life was good enough she could face it without the wake-and-bake ritual. (Maybe you're a little too patient with that.)

[blackiesharley]

Will do mate hope that you get more sucsess with things that is good that you are going to stand by her. I to day am having one of my depression days and it is all working up to the point i am asking myself questians on what if still this is my problem and i am stuffed so i dont know what to do i realey want to let off steam but cant i can feel it building up and my blood pressure and heart rait have gone up so i know i am getting peed off but i have had a bad dat at stupid work so that is not helping at all i blody hate SMS I realey do especially for things to do with "Love" still i will see all the very best mate!

Hey buddy - I'm gonna give you the same advice as you gave me yesterday. Hang in there. Look how my situation (in most ways) has re-bounded today. This time yesterday I thought she'd blown be off and I'd never speak to her again but now it seems we're back on track (despite the concerns mentioned above) If we CAN have this next weekend together, I'm confident that everything can work out. We have to have a LONG serious talk though. No challenges or ultimatiums, just a serious conversation.

Just breathe deep and don't watch the clock. She'll call or text, I promise.

And Gigabitch, that's great news about yours. It's quite frankly very rare, but more power to him! Sounds like he's done a great job.

[Steven715]

Thanks for that that has calmed me a bit i feel it realey building up at the moment to the point where i would iver explode or just cry if you know what i mean The stupid thing about theis is that while i type this i feel a little silly as this is over a stupid text message but it means so mutch to me i feal like oh well fcuk her then i wont f-ing bother i know i dont mean that as this "relation ship" with her means so mutch to me but i am finding it realey heard at the moment i am sorry for my teriable spelling when i get like this it seems to goto pot i will let you know if things progress i will let you know tomorrow as i have to soon go to bed for anouther STUPID day at work thanks for the help thow Blackie will try and remember what you said!

[clynn]

Blackie, hope it works out for you.

I really don't like the fact that she is a cocaine user.

[blackiesharley]

Blackie, hope it works out for you.

I really don't like the fact that she is a cocaine user.

Clynn, I sure don't either. Like I said, I can handle the pot, no problem. My ex-wife was the same way with pot and it turned out to be no big deal at all. Why people like it I don't know but it seems innocent enough. To each their own, hell, I like my wine.

Now, here's what I've decided to do in my current situation.

First, determine IF there is a problem (with cocaine). If I decide that indeed there IS, I'll talk to her about it face to face. (Yeah right, like talking to any kinda addict is worthwhile, but still...)

Second, if she wants to quit I'll work with her. I do love her. I thought I didn't but now I realize that I do. Addiction is a sickness. If she had cancer or heart problems, I wouldn't just dump her.

I don't know. This chapter of drama is far from over. What we REALLY need is a weekend together. As it stands now we're still on for this coming weekend. We'll see. She'll have the twins with her but they go to sleep early, we'll have time to talk.

It's critical that we have this weekend together as I see it. If there is another chickenshit excuse, well, I'm going to have to re-consider my position.