my secret chubby tummy

[vashti]

Vash, are you honestly telling me you don't see a difference between picking your nose and pulling in your stomach for 24/7 because you are mortified of your partner's reaction to the natural state of your body???

Yes.

After all, it is a natural state to pass gas and to accumulate mucus in your nose, is it not?

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, and how about stuff like shaving her legs? Does she have to stop plucking her eyebrows in the interest of full disclosure?

[Mish]

Yes.

After all, it is a natural state to pass gas and to accumulate mucus in your nose, is it not?

LOL

Vash

Don't you see the intent between the two? Between keeping a secret about part of your body, something that directly relates to your own slef image and well being to picking your nose in the bathroom ones every three days?

I will bring an example that hits closer to home. Let's say Lucy had a non contagious body de-generative disease. But she knows a way to keep her body looking as if she didn't have one (For the time being). Should she be telling something like this to her partner?

[Mish]

Yeah, and how about stuff like shaving her legs? Does she have to stop plucking her eyebrows in the interest of full disclosure?

Giga, you are relating something obvious, that people know happens anyway to something very non-obvious and irregular with a strong connection to self image that most people wouldn't be able to know or assume without prior knowledge.

Running is not like walking. There is a difference between the two. I think some information the partner is entitled to know about. Especially if it's this important to the actual person.

[lucy25]

LOL

Vash

Don't you see the intent between the two? Between keeping a secret about part of your body, something that directly relates to your own slef image and well being to picking your nose in the bathroom ones every three days?

I will bring an example that hits closer to home. Let's say Lucy had a non contagious body de-generative disease. But she knows a way to keep her body looking as if she didn't have one (For the time being). Should she be telling something like this to her partner?

Well, that would be something that would bring a direct and very detrimental consequence to him, and his physical health.
My fiance doesn't suffer because I hold my stomach in. I don't consider this a huge trust issue, because I am more or less just being appearance concious. I mean, at the most, I'm deceiving him into thinking I weigh 5 pounds less than I do, because that's all the difference that holding in your stomach makes.
I do admit it is silly of me to hold something so tedious back. Truly, like most to be wedded couples, he already knows me better than anyone. This issue is pretty much nothing compared to the other stuff he knows.
The posts from everyone on here have helped me to understand that it really isn't as big of a deal as I have made it out to be in my head, and I want to thank everyone for that. Seriously, I haven't addressed most of you but you have really helped me a lot. Vashti, thanks for yawning at me, lol.
But anyway, I don't agree that he will feel totally betrayed. Although he might scratch his head a little, or be disappointed, I can't imagine it would be the same kind of betrayal as me saying "Oh yeah, by the way, I gave you herpes."

[laurenpelkey]

I have a very odd issue. I am engaged to the love of my life, who I have been with 11 months, and he loves me for who I am. He does tell me I have a "perfect" body, which by most male standards, I do. I am not trying to brag, this detail is related to my issue. When my fiance sees me, I have large breasts, a smallish waist, and long, slender, legs. So, why the problem? Well, I have, since childhood, been ashamed of my oddly proportioned body (mainly my large stomach despite being slim/normal sized-I am 5'7, weigh 137.) Anyway, when I was a little girl, my mom taught me to suck my stomach in, and hold my shoulders back. I guess it just stuck, because I have always done this. I hold my stomach in involuntarily, even when I am alone. I mean, I have to think about it to let my stomach out. But when I do let it out, my stomach is actually a pot belly. I am so good at sucking it in my fiance praises my trim and firm waistline.
My best girlfriend suggested he may already know, since you can't hold your stomach in 24/7. But I do, because I just always have. So him already knowing I do not believe to be a possibilty.
Ok... so assuming this, he thinks I have this slender waist. But I don't. And when I let it out, and look in the mirror, I actually like my pot belly. I don't know why exactly. I think because it is me, and I find it sexy in a unique way. To me it is large, and voluptuous, and sexy in it's excess. But I don't know if my fiance would agree.
I would like him to know all of me. I would even find it arousing to reveal my true form to him. But I fear that he will be offended by my secrecy, or find it totally unattractive. He might be let down because for so long he has thought of my body as "perfect" according to typical standards, and it is decidedly not perfect at all, not even close! And I am so used to being thought of as "perfect" it would be hard to come clean.
I don't think he would do anything drastic, but it may hurt our relationship.
I know this sounds shallow and silly. But it is a real issue for me. Any thoughts? Guys how would you react to this if your girlfriend pulled this on you?

i wouldn't worry about it... i can push my belly too look like i'm with child... (mental image of a 5'2 108lb tiny girl---> now 6 month preggo) its amusing to me... anyways to break it to him id do it with a joke... like the tuna fish commercial... attractive girl walks across the office... once she gets to the elevator she releases the gut... i highly doubt if he loves you for you and not just your body he'll be fine.

[Mish]

Well, that would be something that would bring a direct and very detrimental consequence to him, and his physical health.

I said "Non contagious", meaning it wouldn't be a direct detrimental consequence to his physical health. If it was something YOU were having and noone else could catch from you would you keep it a secret from him?

My fiance doesn't suffer because I hold my stomach in. I don't consider this a huge trust issue, because I am more or less just being appearance concious. I mean, at the most, I'm deceiving him into thinking I weigh 5 pounds less than I do, because that's all the difference that holding in your stomach makes.

I didn't say "huge" trust issue. I said a trust issue if sorts. It communicates that you don't trust him to know something very deeply personal about you. And the reason for that, is your fear of being viewed as inferior. So under the lnes you can say that it's a trust issue of sorts + an insecurity.

I do admit it is silly of me to hold something so tedious back. Truly, like most to be wedded couples, he already knows me better than anyone. This issue is pretty much nothing compared to the other stuff he knows.
The posts from everyone on here have helped me to understand that it really isn't as big of a deal as I have made it out to be in my head, and I want to thank everyone for that. Seriously, I haven't addressed most of you but you have really helped me a lot. Vashti, thanks for yawning at me, lol.
But anyway, I don't agree that he will feel totally betrayed. Although he might scratch his head a little, or be disappointed, I can't imagine it would be the same kind of betrayal as me saying "Oh yeah, by the way, I gave you herpes."

Ofcourse it's not the same kind of betrayal as giving another person herpes. It's actually very minor. But, serious relationships are known to be shaken by even more trivial reasons than this. And something like this although minor, may potentially eat away at the foundation of trust in your relationship. If I were you, I'd be looking for ways to make it up to him. I'd be looking for signs of mending the trust after you tell him the truth. Do something for him that will not make him doubt you as a trustful person. That's my advice for you.

[lucy25]

I said "Non contagious", meaning it wouldn't be a direct detrimental consequence to his physical health. If it was something YOU were having and noone else could catch from you would you keep it a secret from him?



I didn't say "huge" trust issue. I said a trust issue if sorts. It communicates that you don't trust him to know something very deeply personal about you. And the reason for that, is your fear of being viewed as inferior. So under the lnes you can say that it's a trust issue of sorts + an insecurity.



Ofcourse it's not the same kind of betrayal as giving another person herpes. It's actually very minor. But, serious relationships are known to be shaken by even more trivial reasons than this. And something like this although minor, may potentially eat away at the foundation of trust in your relationship. If I were you, I'd be looking for ways to make it up to him. I'd be looking for signs of mending the trust after you tell him the truth. Do something for him that will not make him doubt you as a trustful person. That's my advice for you.

Something I had that no one else could get? Well, before I even slept with him, I had myself tested, just in case I had anything. I let him know about this, and we agreed to tell each other our results, which we both did. Luckily, we were both fine, but if that had not been the case, I would have told him. That was the whole point of my getting tested, and it was my idea.
I am very concious of trust in relationships. But I do see your point that he might feel bothered that I would hold something small back.
I don't know of any "way" I could "prove" I am trustful. He would just have to go by his previous knowledge of me, and whatever else I demonstrated in the future... I feel that in all serious respects, I have been very trustworthy.
Maybe I am insecure about my body, and I should have shared this. I think, and hope he will understand that I wasn't doing it to betray him, but rather on account of my own habitual tendency to hold my stomach in, that I developed in very early childhood as a result of my appearance concious mother, being a woman, being who I am, etc.
I seriously doubt it will break us up or hurt the foundation of our relationship. Every relationship is unique, and knowing the foundation of our's, I can't imagine it would be shaken over this. Perhaps if I cheated on him, or yes, had some kind of disease he was unaware of. I can see how that would shake the foundation of any reasonable person's trust towards someone else.
But all the same, I do see your point. Thanks for the advice, it reflects a lot of sensitivity towards his response, and I will keep it in mind.

[lucy25]

i wouldn't worry about it... i can push my belly too look like i'm with child... (mental image of a 5'2 108lb tiny girl---> now 6 month preggo) its amusing to me... anyways to break it to him id do it with a joke... like the tuna fish commercial... attractive girl walks across the office... once she gets to the elevator she releases the gut... i highly doubt if he loves you for you and not just your body he'll be fine.

Ha ha I've seen that! Hillarious!
Yes, I think a humorous approach would be best.
Well, when we recently went on vacation, I gained a few pounds. He said he thought I looked better with it and he begged me not to go on a diet and lose it.
So I am thinking he isn't really overly concerned with me being all slender anyway.
Thanks you guys have helped put me in check and reminded me that while looks matter, they shouldn't be this big of a deal to anyone. And also reminding me that men just like a woman's natural physique, and being perfect is overrated. As much as I believe that, sometimes I still feel doubts.
I appreciate your advice to help me stop feeling so self concious about a small aspect of my body and to open up and be real with the one I love about it. Thank you.

[Illusional]

You aren't hiding anything from him.

If you've had sex, showered together, etc, he knows your body. He's had his hands all over you, right?

Let your stomach down around him and see if he says anything. He won't. The reason is because you look exactly the same. Sucking your stomach in is only changing your perception of your image, not his.

see this is exactly what i was saying, yes i put it in a more degrading term.. again because i get off on it.

Dear males: If you like to fart and pick your nose in the bathroom, please keep it to yourself. We women don't need to know EVERYTHING.

hey vash.. later did you want to watch me wipe my ass too?? i have a very unique style that i have kept hidden from the world, but for a one time offer.. i will show you my secret.

Wow you blow your load when people type you angry messages on a forum??
Damn...I don't even feel anger towards you. Just...you're sad. Illusional...more like DELUSIONAL FREAK!
As for your comment about me dieting, I do keep a healthy diet and a healthy weight. I cannot do anything about the curve nature gave me without becoming an unhealthy weight.
And I'm not personally unhappy with my body. I was concerned about how someone else might react, not my own response.

yes, i do blow my load. you might think i'm sad, but quite the contrary i'm a very happy person. it hurts me so that you think i'm a delusional freak, but it's like icing on the cake when i get to laugh at these people. i can't get enough of it.


raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

hey vash.. later did you want to watch me wipe my ass too?? i have a very unique style that i have kept hidden from the world, but for a one time offer.. i will show you my secret.

Its a rare man that can clean his ass w/his tongue.

[IndiReloaded]

Lucy, in all seriousness now. Most men wouldn't give a crap if you 'confessed' you were sucking in your gut. Every man over 40 has done this walking past the 20-something girls in bikinis at the beach.

My husband would just laugh at me if I told him something like this.

You're talking about nonsense. Don't you have anything more interesting to think about? You're making me think you're a gormless twit.

[Jbleezyj]

let it out one morning and be like OMG AM I PREGNANT? See what he says. haha. Anyways I don't think he would really mind at all. If he does then I think you should think twice about marrying him.

[Only-virgins]

Fat people are disappointing. You would think natural selection would have destroyed them by now but yet they keep breeding.

[vashti]

Its a rare man that can clean his ass w/his tongue.

Do you think if we videotaped him, we could make money by selling it?