GIRLS help me out... :)

[Drogba88]

GIRLS what now...i ask you for HONEST opinion...
what happened here...
???
i am very confused....

[Kromat]

Your being too needy, trying to put all her attention on you, give her some
time to manage her situations and maybe, If you are just friends right now,
just ask her when is a good time that you can call her, or If she just wants
to get together, let her trust you enough to make her own decisions.
Friends can become something more, so just let her explore her emotions
and do the same for yourself, If It happens that you two get emotional
close, then It'll be worth it, but when It happens It'll be an easier
transition since you'll be ready for It.

[miSSleepy]

Drogba, listen to GrkScorp, he knows what he's talking about. Haven't you noticed? He knows more about women than women do, and then he knows a shitload about men too. He's just given you a novel's worth of extremely valuable information, use it. One day he's write a self-help book, make use of what's he's offering while it's free.

[miSSleepy]

As per your PM request, Drogba, here's my take:

there may have been some interest from her in the beginning
but you have ruined it with your pushiness. you keep demanding things from people, from everyone here and from her.
She seemed content to take things as they come, but you kept pushing her for answers, asking where you stand, if there could be more, etc etc ... you just seem so overbearing, I don't blame her.
I don't think she's interested in you anymore. She's currently your friend ... so take it as that if you want. If you continue to bug her, she won't even be that.

[Drogba88]

We havenot heard for last 2 months...and then i saw her with some guy...and she saw me...but she did not went towards me...i was with my friend on her stairs to her building...she went to the stairs of the building that was next to her...and then she was 10 metres from me and she was there standing with this guy...i saw guys back and her face...she was looking was i looking her?..probably...then she went home..and day later she send me message...Whats happening with you??you forgot on your friend...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[Drogba88]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOU THIS MESSAGE..girls help me..

[GrkScorp]

Alright Drogba..

Here's the first thing i'm going to say.. and try to keep an open mind to it, because it's difficult news to take in.. that's right.. difficult news to take in.. so you might have a hard time with it initially.. it may be several hours or days before you start feeling better and moving on with your life..

You killed the chicken!

I don't know if you know that classic childhood story about the chicken with the golden eggs.. In short.. a guy finds a chicken who makes golden eggs, solid gold.. So once every so often a golden egg comes out.. but the guy can't wait.. so he kills the chicken, cuts it open, and sees that there are no gold eggs inside..

There are several morals to this story.. I don't know which ones will matter to you most.. but the one I find interesting is that good things take some time.. It takes some time for that chicken to make golden eggs, and if you kill it because you can't wait.. you won't get any..

I've gone through the thread.. and it sounds like you have been a little too demanding.. Latin American women are a different animal.. Yes, good, be like that guy from City of G-d, who basically goes on a rampage.. of the Brazilian women i've dated, all of them love that guy, they all get wet when they see him on film killing people.. But do it within limits.. the reality is, you have been a little too demanding.. you've made a very strong effort to dig for answers, to push her into giving you some signs.. and you've completely ignored what it would feel like from her point of view.. like she's being cornered.. "good things take time"

For example, if my ex of 3 years would have asked me, the first time we met.. "do you like me? what's going on between us? do you feel the same way?" I would have to say "no".. At that point in time, I wasn't interested.. not the least bit, but just think about what happened.. We started off as friends.. there was no pressure.. and conversation flowed freely.. I started to get to know her for who she was.. and at that moment, I liked that about her.. and we ended up being in a 3 year relationship..

There are some rules, and not just with the opposite sex, but with people in general; Don't be:

- Needy
- Desperate
- Demanding
- Pushy
- Creepy (Devious intentions and motives)
- Judgemental (constantly asserting your view on morals, right, wrong, etc)
- Affected by what they say/do (nothing is ever a big deal, let it go, laugh, or ignore)
- Seeking and ego-boost (this just screams "insecure"; stay clear of insults and self-bragging)
- Seeking their attention and validation
- Trying hard or too much to create rapport (when the conversation is dying, change topics, don't try and keep it alive; and don't keep talking either and asking questions constantly.. it's not an interview or an interrogation)

When you violate any one of these, you significantly lower your value in front of other people.. Going through your posts, you've done several of these.. And it's ok.. you didn't know.. but now you do.. and before you go ahead and have better success with other women.. try and take some time to go over these and see which ones you need to work on when you're interacting with people..

As for her.. I'll be honest, you can either spend your time on her.. or you can take the time to improve yourself.. and then as you feel the change from that improvement, go find other women.. Brazil is loaded, for g-d's sake you have "Orgasm day".. what do we have? Valentinte's day? seriously..

It's far easier to find an other women just as great, if not better, than the one you have in mind, than it is to keep making this effort for the same girl.. it's not romantic.. it's irrational..

But, just as a friendly token, because I know this kind of news is hard to cope with right away.. Here's a quick-fix to give you a sense of damage-control..

- What happened to you this whole time, you forgot about your friends? (your story: you met someone, but they were too pushy, and verbally abusive, and you're too young to deal with something like that.. but you liked her, you don't want to talk about it.. you just needed a couple of days to yourself to get over it.. "do not say (sorry)")

- Please, when you deliver this.. do not have a show-off attitude like "omg, I was with an other girl!".. the point is to be slightly upset, but mostly recovered from the whole thing.. If she starts pushing for answers.. you already have your excuse.. "I really don't feel like talking about it.. I just finished forgetting all about it, I don't want to even bother thinking about it any longer.."

- The point is that: 1, you don't look like someone who just stopped talking to her out of the blue for no reason.. 2, you may even find reason to excuse your pushy/demanding actions by blaming it on the stress this girl was causing you.. in which case it's fine to say sorry.. 3, just in case she was under the idea that you like her.. you destroy that notion.. indirectly, not directly.. "oh! he was with someone else this whole time, and he didn't even tell me about it! and this whole time I thought he was chasing me and he liked me.. but he was just venting".. the question might come up.. "why didn't you tell us about her?".. typical answer, which works just fine is "I wasn't really sure it was serious.. and when it was, it just happened so fast.. but her true colors came out.. and I couldn't take it.. and after that happened, I just needed some time alone.. I didn't want to bother the rest of you guys with my problems.. i'm not a chick"

Brazilian women are great.. assertive, aggressive, not sexually inhibited.. and very expressive, senxual, and passionate.. But they also come by the droves.. there are 1,000 of girls just like her.. and thousands more which are better.. so if you messed up with her.. look at it as a learning experience.. and as you learn from it and laugh at yourself for how silly you were.. start to notice the other girls in your life.. and how you won't do the same mistake with them..

[GrkScorp]

He's just given you a novel's worth of extremely valuable information, use it. One day he's write a self-help book, make use of what's he's offering while it's free.

Thanks miSSleepy.. but it's always going to be free.. i'm not looking to write a book, at least not on this stuff.. just finish school.. work smart.. save, invest.. retire early.. and move to Ireland..

If I do write a book though, you'll be the first person I send a copy to.. if you're into Taxation & Securities Regulation and that sort of thing..

[Mish]

Drogba, listen to GrkScorp, he knows what he's talking about. Haven't you noticed? He knows more about women than women do, and then he knows a shitload about men too. He's just given you a novel's worth of extremely valuable information, use it. One day he's write a self-help book, make use of what's he's offering while it's free.

I agree

If Scorp writes a book on this stuff I might actually buy it



I'm serious.

[vashti]

Drogba, listen to GrkScorp, he knows what he's talking about. Haven't you noticed? He knows more about women than women do, and then he knows a shitload about men too. .

Was that a joke?

[GrkScorp]

I agree

If Scorp writes a book on this stuff I might actually buy it

Thanks Mish, but all you need to do is ask..

How are things going btw?

[Mish]

Things are good, little by little getting there

[GrkScorp]

Things are good, little by little getting there

Shoot.. I wish there was a translation in english for the famous work of this author (Kostas Kavafis) "Ithaki".. let me try and remember how it goes.. "San pas ston pigemo gia tin Ithaki, nafhese na einai makris o dromos.. gematos perimeties, gematos gnosis.. tous lestrigones kai tous cyclopes, ton thimomeno Posidona den tha sinandiseis, an den tous kouvalas mes tin psyche sou.. and ee psyche sou den tou stinei embros sou..... blah blah.... ke an telika tin Ithaki tin vreis ftohiki, ee Ithaki den se prodose.. ee Ithaki sou edose ton dromo"

Backround: The author is talking about Odysseus, the protagonist in Homer's Odyssey.. who is comming back from the war in Troy, to his kingdom in Ithika.. after years of being away from his wife.. without knowing the ruins of Ithika that now await him.. he sets off on his journey to go back home.. where he encounters years of struggles and torture along the way..

Non-litteral Translation (to the best of my ability): "As you make your way towards Ithika, pray that the road is distant, that your journey is long.. filled with adventures, knowledge and wisdom.. and do not be affraid of the "monsters", nor the wrath of the G-ds.. for you will not meet neither if you do not carry them deep within you.. if your mind and psyche do not place them in front of you.. blah blah.. and in the end, if you find Ithika differently from what you imagined it to be.. Ithika did not betray you.. for it was Ithika.. that gave you the journey.."

Hopefully, not much was lost through my sh*tty translation.. but you shouldn't be quick to overlook the little things.. and you shouldn't hope for your journey to be a quick one..

Think of it like enjoying a glass of 2002 Samos Vin Doux Sweet Muscat, 2003 Gary Farrell Rochioli Vineyard Russian River Valley Pinot Noir, 1999 Roederer L'Ermitage Anderson Valley Brut, or a 2001 Shafer Hillside Select Stags Leap District Cabernet Sauvignon.. Would you drink it the same way you would say, a beer? Let's hope not.. you would take your time.. smelling it.. enjoying the color.. feeling the sensation inside your mouth as it swirls around.. as you taste it.. and lastly.. you might just, at that point, take your first gulp.. and still have more to work on..

Every moment, is a journey.. and within that journey.. are adventures, memories, and much to learn from.. if you overlook even the little things.. rather, call them little.. is to stop living..

You WILL get there, there's no question or doubt about that Mish.. but don't ignore the journey along the way.. feel it.. fully.. and enjoy everything it has to offer you..

Best of luck Mish..

[miSSleepy]

Was that a joke?

very much so
it was a shot at subtle sarcasm

[vashti]

very much so
it was a shot at subtle sarcasm

Oh. Thank goodness! Carry on, then.