Inlove w/ a married man!?!?

[moonlight]

I'm sorry love, but you're being a freakin' idiot. And someday in the future, you will look back and agree with me.

That's simply the way it is.

I know you'll carry on though, as you've clearly made up your mind to do so. All involved have my deepest sympathies.

[IndiReloaded]

I disagree about the kids, they are old enough to know why their parents fight all the time & would prolly be happier if there was less drama in the household. I do believe that even if I wasn't in the picture divorce wouldn't be to much farther in their futures. I love his wife dearly & she is a good friend but she does have some issues witch im not really allowed to discuss because you all will just think im making her out a bad person on my behalf & im not.

If you truly believe this, then the best advice for your sake is what was already posted: to get out of the picture for a while.

This way, you can't be blamed for contributing to their divorce. If the wife is anywhere near as bad as you allude to (tho I can't understand why you would be her friend if so) you would be wise to distance yourself for a while. Let them split, let him sort his responsibilities to his family out, and THEN take it from there. I think you are naive to think you will still be friends with the wife tho. Anyone who doesn't have the maturity to be a good mother will not take kindly to someone like you trying to wheedle in as the new stepmom.

Do you have the maturity to do this, tho? To step back? Its takes willpower and an ability to look to the longterm future. And quite a bit of selflessness, something I haven't seen demonstrated by what you have thus far described.

Either rise to the challenge, or stop deluding yourself as to what you are really doing.

[IndiReloaded]

I know you'll carry on though, as you've clearly made up your mind to do so.

I think so too, but sometimes ppl surprise you. Epiphanies do happen.

Are you getting the sense yet, Wanna, that there is something very wrong with your approach? Think very, very hard darlin.

[Gigabitch]

I love his wife dearly & she is a good friend but she does have some issues witch im not really allowed to discuss...

This is an anonymous forum. This statement makes no sense.

I am more of a mother to them kids than she will prolly EVER be!

Baaaahahahaaa! Oh, my God, you have no idea. Listen, children are loyal. They're hard-wired to be that way. Those three kids are going to hate your guts no matter what's wrong with their mom, and they will hate you until the day you die. Believe me on this one.

Please get yourself out of this toxic situation before it consumes you.

[wanna-luv-u-89]

Ok since this is an anonymous forum I will tell everyone some more about her, but I garentee that you will think im lying but im truly not. She does hard drugs & the reason im friends with her is because I have been for years & thats never gunna change. The kids actually wanna go see me, & when him and his wife are in a fight they will ask their dad to take them to my house so they don't gotta be around it. He fights with her because she don't do anything for them & can be passed out for days & let them do as they please. I pick them up from school, I watch them, I care for them & their dad does the same. Their mom is a good friend but lousy wife & mother & they do deserve better. She has been to rehab & things but always goes back to the same crap every time, no one can seem to get her away from it. I think if im not pregnant I will step back & let time tell all but if I am pregnant I will keep seeing him to an extent of course; but them kids do need a mother FIGURE & im 100% in to be there for at least the kids no matter what, if they need me.

[IndiReloaded]

If you want to help those kids as a family friend, that's admirable. But you are ADDING to their family instability by destabilizing their marriage by being this guys mistress. Don't delude yourself thinking your being around & screwing their daddy is something noble. Its not.

Until you step back, you don't KNOW what effect that will have. Perhaps it will force your lover to take a hard look at the situation he is in and DO something about it.

Have you considered the possibility that, by being there for him, you are actually ENABLING him to STAY in his awful marriage? That you are basically like a drug that allows him to zee out from whatever shit is going on at home?

Sometimes, if you really love someone, you have to cut them loose to let them deal w/their own shit. If what you say is true, I think you need to do that for HIM so that he can do it for HER & HIS KIDS.

Again, tho, do you have the guts & strength to do this? It seems to me you are just as dependent on this toxic relationship as they are.

[wanna-luv-u-89]

Oh ill do it, its gunna be very hard but I can give it a shot for his whole family & him. I never thought of it as me being his break from his stress at home & them words kinda opened my eyes a little bit to whats going on. I really hope im not pregnant because of the current situation but if I am ill just have to face it, because I did get into this mess & now im gunna have to dig my way back out. Its always hard to go from friend to lover to friend again but as of right now I think it is needed for him to make up his mind. I don't wanna be used as only a vacation from his own reality... even though I know he does really love me that could be a part of the puzzle as well. Thank you all for your advice & ill take a deep breath, sit him down & explain why I have to back off. I just hope I don't crack & give in. How do I stay strong when I know I could be walking away from THE very best thing that ever happened to me?

[Gigabitch]

Honey, what you have to get straight is that he can't give you everything you deserve. You should have a man who is available for you, somebody single and free, without tons of problems and baggage.

Sure, you love him, but you have to be smart about it, too. If you don't watch out for you, who will?

[IndiReloaded]

How do I stay strong when I know I could be walking away from THE very best thing that ever happened to me?

Check your PM Wanna. You may have to make a couple more posts to do so.