Valentine's gift for a crush

[GrkScorp]

Apparently, that's how you bring the hot ones down low enough to be able to reach them.

Hey, you're getting the hang of the PD

It's not a matter of reaching them.. they're all within reach.. when they snap out of la-la-land.. that's how you bring them out of the clouds and back into reality..

[GrkScorp]

Scorp why would you try and corrupt a simple high school crush with pages and pages of your bullshit. Get every girl in his class except the one he wants a rose?!?

At least the guy has the sense to ignore you.

Yawn.. i'm going to wait until after the 14th.. and after a very predictable failure, i'll be looking forward to fix the wonderfully complex screw-up in place..

As for "corrupting"; stop being p*ssy-whipped.. it's not corrupting, it's protecting him from being too nice and naive for his own good.. if you want to talk about corrupting youths, talk about valentine's day.. I can't stop watching these ads! Basically, guy gets girl gifts (chocolates, flowers, diamonds, etc), girl snuggles with guy to imply sex..

Subcommunication? Guys express affection through getting her gifts, and AFTER that, she gives him sex as if he had to buy it? WTF?

I'm sorry, but the reality is that they want d*ck more than we want p*ssy.. and they've convinced you that the opposite is the case..

Let the kid enjoy valentine's day.. (WITH HIS VALENTINE!).. but if it's not with his valentine, it's a waste of time and money.. you don't win her over on valentine's day.. you do that PRIOR to v-day..

[vashti]

Grk, your thoughts about how women think are delusional. The only think you have said of any value whatsoever is that this boy shouldn't buy a girl an expensive gift for Valentine's Day. As for the rest, I agree w/ Charlieboy. Let him enjoy a simple crush. Geez.

[LostNotFound]

what about the simple card in the locker thing.
cheesy and cute.

[GrkScorp]

Grk, your thoughts about how women think are delusional. The only think you have said of any value whatsoever is that this boy shouldn't buy a girl an expensive gift for Valentine's Day. As for the rest, I agree w/ Charlieboy. Let him enjoy a simple crush. Geez.

I absolutely love the lack of assertiveness in your criticism.. you make a claim and then cleaverly forget to mention "why"..

While we're on the topic, I was watching O'Riley on FOX, what a joke.. "I wouldn't vote for Obama, you might as well have Osama in the white house, what's with the Democrats, one is pro-Musilm the other one breaks down in tears over some trivial campaign issue, what happens if we have a war? Is she going to cry there too?"

WTF? Who listens to this stuff? Anyway..

I'd rather he ENJOY his crush than have to realize why they call it a "crush", after he puts in all this effort and money just to spend that day alone..

Call me old-fashioned, but you ask someone to marry you first, you wait for them to answer, and after they say "yes", that's typically when you can start to think about the wedding and all the details.. it would seem to follow that you should probably ask someone to be your valentine first, wait for them to answer, and if they say "yes", then it's perfectly acceptable, rational, and logical to go ahead and invest your effort, time, and money into a gift..

The transition should look something like:

--> --> -->

Not like:

--> --> -->

[GrkScorp]

what about the simple card in the locker thing.
cheesy and cute.

Cute, yes..

But nothing says "I didn't have the balls to give it to you face-to-face" quite like a card in the locker..

I don't get it, what is he afraid of? Why can't he just ask her in advance like everyone else? It's not like she'll bite his head off; and it's at least better to get a (no) prior to valentine's day so you can make alternate plans, rather than wait until valentines day and have her tell you (no) via the "i'm sorry, but ___ already asked me".. and then you're stuck with nobody & $25 less..

I know you're a guy.. but.. Plan ahead! Don't put things off till last minute..

[vashti]

Call me old-fashioned, but you ask someone to marry you first, you wait for them to answer, and after they say "yes", that's typically when you can start to think about the wedding and all the details..

For the record, it is traditional that the male purchase the engagement ring BEFORE he asks her to marry him. If she accepts, THEN you start thinking about the wedding.

As for the rest of it, you are WAY overthinking this.

[GrkScorp]

For the record, it is traditional that the male purchase the engagement ring BEFORE he asks her to marry him. If she accepts, THEN you start thinking about the wedding.

As for the rest of it, you are WAY overthinking this.

Who mentioned anything about a ring? We were talking about the wedding.. (for the record)

Yes, and for the record, it is traditional that the male also talk to the female BEFORE they feel comfortable with each other.. and AFTER that, they will go on dates.. and BEFORE they know that the feelings are mutual, the male will have to express his interest expressly.. AFTER the female comfirms that interest is mutual, the two will be in a relationship.. and BEFORE the male buys the ring, he will have a ton of sex, which will not take place AFTER the ring stays on in a church setting.. the female will then have to say "yes" to the male marriage proposition BEFORE the wedding plans take place.. when the "yes" is said, THEN the male will enjoy the last days of meaningful sex as his female shops around for matching colors for the tables and dresses while he picks out a coat of blue to paint his balls AFTER the wedding.. typically, the female can't wait to have kids and feel like a mom, so she will have to get the male hard BEFORE he takes his pants off and AFTER he's done, they'll cross the point of no return.. and so on and so forth, and I hope you get the point of how hard I laughed as I was reading your effort to erode the analogy..

Just curious.. why do women always feel compelled to tell boys.. "aww, how romantic, do it, she'll love it, it'll work, tell her how you feel, how much you love her, how much you can't stop thinking about her, yeah, you're a great guy, she'll love you.. so what if you don't really talk, she won't think it's creepy or desperate at all!".. and ruin their HS or JHS years? Doesn't it bother you just a little bit to know that this kid might actually listen to you and you might cause him a heartbreak and years of feeling like a loser?

I would understand if it was just some girl posting, but your an older woman, a MOTHER! I would imagine that you'd show a little bit more sympathy and sensitivity to these issues.. the kid has a crush, and he's not exactly itching for rejection and heartbreak.. or to feel romantic.. he has a crush, he wants the girl.. it's that simple..

He's posting up on LF, in JHS/HS, thinking about doing this.. chances are he's not exactly a candidate from prom king.. the guys who are, will ask out these girls ahead of time, and come valentine's day, these girls will be unavailable..

That issue aside, it's a couple's holiday, not a stranger's holiday.. so he should at least arrange some mutual confirmation ahead of time, and then celebrate it together on valentine's day.. not wait until valentine's day to do it.. (that's like that Indian kid who asked that girl he just met to marry him on the spot; )

[zyklon]

Not to disturb your discussion. I just wanna note that im not a kid, im 18 years old.

[vashti]

Meh, I am old. 18 is a kid to me.

Enjoy the crush. Buy her a flower... and a cup of coffee.

[GrkScorp]

Not to disturb your discussion. I just wanna note that im not a kid, im 18 years old.

When I read this, I almost cried..

You're 18 years old, seriously? And this is what you're thinking of doing for Valentine's day.. this is your 18 year old plan?

I'll tell you what I told the 33 year old JetBlue stewardess who I still need to call back; "age is just a number"

When I was 14, I think I got a girl a Japanese tea set with 20 different tea flavors, and a Penguin (she liked them).. I thought it was cute because she was sick, and the Penguin seemed to go with the little message, I thought it was cute, she thought it went a little overboard, she took it, said thanks, enjoyed the tea, and that was it, that was Valentine's day.. at 15 I went with my parents for dinner (oh joy), at 16 I asked a girl to be my Valentine on AIM when I was drunk over my friend's house (bad idea), she said yes, I never showed up on Valentine's day, we never talked again.. When I was 17, I asked this girl named Jenny (9.5) who was one year older to be my Valentine on either the 1st or 2nd of Feb.. she said yes, we started dating the week after (so like the 8th or 9th).. my parents were in Cancun, we rented some movie, we played video games first actually, then I gave her the latest FIFA game (her father played professional soccer), then we watched the movie, snuggled, (and since you're 18, we went at it 6 times that night).. I honestly don't remember what I did when I was 18, freshman year in college, such a blur..

But the point is, at 16, me and almost every other guy, started making plans ahead of time.. So wait, you're really 18? Are you in college or in high school? What's the story with this girl exactly?

[Charlie Boy II]

You're such a goddamn stud Scorp I want to come in your ear.

[vashti]

The thing is, kid - Grk is trying to prevent you from taking any risks in life. I happen to think that risk-taking is a part of being human, and is unavoidable if you want your life to have any meaning or quality. Some people face risks like a grown up. They accept that they can do all the right things, and still not get what they want every time. I think it is good to take a risk every now and then. Just don't overdo it. If the girl is not expecting anything from you, then any little thing you do is going to surprise her. It needs not be a big deal. If the girl likes you, she will think it is a sweet gesture. If she doesn't like you that way, you will not have made a huge investment in her, and can walk away with dignity intact. (She will still think it was a sweet gesture.) I don't think a cup of coffee and a flower or a little stuffed animal are a big deal. They will convey that you like this girl without great expense (which could be interpretted as an attempt to buy her affection). The secret is to try not to make a huge emotional investment in her until you are rather sure she reciprocates some feeling - not to pretend you are an asshole and hope that somehow wins her over.

And yes, I have lots of compassion for boys. I have one I adore. I am encouraging him to start taking some risks, too.

[GrkScorp]

You're such a goddamn stud Scorp I want to come in your ear.

Hey, whatever turns you on.. I don't go that way though..

[GrkScorp]

The thing is, kid - Grk is trying to prevent you from taking any risks in life...

not to pretend you are an asshole and hope that somehow wins her over.

First of all, I strongly agree with Vash's more refined and toned down version.. If it's a small (no big deal) gesture, then it's not creepy, over the top, needy, and desperate.. Going over the top DOES suggest and make her feel like you're trying to buy her over, and it won't work (if you're dumb enough to spend a lot of money on her to try and buy her affection, then she's smart enough to take your money and snub you when it stops comming her way)

However, nothing that i've suggested is (as Vash puts it, in an attempt to suggest that she mis-read the post) "trying to prevent you from taking risks".. I'm encouraging you to grow up and be a man.. And that's not running parallel to getting her a cup of coffee, or buying anything to express your feelings.. It's also not the same thing as being BOLD.. Do you want to talk about risk? How many girls/women have you approached and talked to in the past month? How many of them were girls/women you met for the first time? I could care less about the return (numbers, dates, etc).. just be honest with yourself and ask how much risk you've taken in the past month..

Truth be told, for as long as you're taking that first step, when you open, (you take the biggest risk thus far in the interaction; women know this and feel this, which is why like the chicken-sh*ts that they are, will rarely start up a conversation with a guy they really like; unless you give them a ton of green-lights, but that's an other topic in and of itself).. when you continue to talk until you reach the point where the group likes you and doesn't want you to leave, (you still take the biggest risk in the interaction so far; again, this is why women want a man to lead the conversation, if he doesn't, they'll rationalize that they had a boring time around him, but they'll never rationalize that they didn't put in any effort, it's never HER fault, it's always YOUR fault).. In fact, (you've risked your ego & self-esteem, she hasn't realistically risked safety, so therefore she hasn't realistically risked anything)..

Getting a flower or coffee is not taking risk.. it's hiding behind that flower or coffee, and using it as a substitute for just going up and starting to talk to her.. You don't need to buy someone a flower or a coffee/drink to break the ice or start talking to them.. You don't need to save their puppy from traffic to get you talking.. Supplication has no place in opening for the first time.. Supplication is BOLD, but it's not CONFIDENT..

Simply put, supplication is BOLD because it shows you're willing to take risks and bear the harsh results that may follow.. lack of supplication is CONFIDENT because it shows you're willing to take risks but are immune & unaffected by anything that may follow..

So please, take risks, by all means, do it not just for some hallmark holiday, do it every day! But do them with without supplication, do them with confidence..

My parents used to tell me the same thing that Vash is suggesting.. "If you like her, just tell her how you feel, get her a card and write her a poem".. needless to say, until the 10th/11th grade, I never had any success with this.. Clearly, there was much risk involved, and clearly, I (and millions of other guys) had to bear the down side the followed.. Was it sweet? Yes, I thought so, my parents thought so, family members thought so, my friends thought so, everyone but HER thought so.. The reality is, when I hear stuff like this today, it doesn't sound sweet, it's sounds loser-ish.. because that's how girls always saw it.. and they're right.. The guy who got them?

The guy who got them was usually the guy who seemed like the "@sswhole/jerk" to me.. but to her, he was the confident guy who didn't need to supplicate, expose his feelings for her, seemed unattainable, but made her feel fun & great about herself, she felt like she won him over, and once she did, she didn't want to let him go or lose him.. (I didn't realize it then, but he wasn't "usually" a jerk, he was just more alpha-male than me, the then "wimpy-good/nice-guy" me.. and to rationalize it, I would label him a jerk because he wouldn't do the same nice things I would do for her; but he would always end up with her, whoever her happened to be)

Is there a time to be nice and go over-the-top and blow her away & get her suprised? Yes! And it's something every guy thinks about, it's the romantic in most of us (we're programmed to dream about that perfect moment, both biologically and by the media).. but what they don't tell us is that moment has its place AFTER the intitial phase, you simply don't go over the top with someone you don't know that well (better put, if she doesn't feel she knows you that well yet).. When things are more solid & serious, feel free to go a little crazy with some rewarding gift-giving..

The thing to notice is that there's always a conflict of interest (power & control).. When you're BOLD, and you supplicate, YES, you take risk.. but you also telegraph all of your feelings, your emotions, interest, etc to her.. Imagine the White House giving away the top-secret decryption to the enemy.. That's what you're doing, and as romantic as you think it is as a guy, it's actually quite boring to her.. And it's boring because now she knows everything, and she has to make a yes/no call in a matter of 5 seconds with all limited information she has.. chances are, it's going to be a (no).. (she's a chicken-sh*t, rarely pro-risk, she's all for safe, and saying "no" is safe).. You've also put her in the power-seat (why? you don't even know her.. A friend of mine was showing me her facebook and the messages she was getting from some guys; 1. "You're fcukn hot! I really want to meet you" 2. "You have amazing eyes and a great smile, i'd be honored if you wanted to meet me", we laughed so hard and deleted them right afterwards, even though both were really great-looking guys from Cornell)..

I've also received an e-mail for an old college friend, "Hey, blah blah, I was planning on going to greece next summer, the water is so amazing, and if it wouldn't be a big deal, I was wondering if you could teach me just the basics on how to get around.. blah blah.. a friend of mine is comming, what are you doing that summer, you should come, it would be fun, you could be like my tour guide.. that's if you know anything about your own country, I don't know.. blah blah".. (She thinks she's being slick about it, and it's cute, don't worry ladies, 99.99999% of all guys would be totally oblivious to what she's really getting at.. But I have all the info I need, and honestly, i'm not blown away, plus, I already have plans for Ireland that summer)

In those cases, very risky/bold moves were made.. and it's flattering to have someone make such bold/risky displays of interest/affection, but when it's really not appropriate, or when there's no interest on your part yet, "rejection" is almost an auto-pilot reaction..

So, take risks.. but be confident (not bold)..