Just married, need advice

[Gigabitch]

I also agree that I'd want to try it before I buy it, but I was raised by hippies, so I can't really relate to the OP.

What I CAN relate to, though, is being a sex maniac. Why hold back?

[IndiReloaded]

I know. That comment of GS, about grabbing his crotch? I was thinking "and, so?". There isn't a husband out there that wouldn't be thrilled at that.

[GrkScorp]

I also agree that I'd want to try it before I buy it, but I was raised by hippies, so I can't really relate to the OP.

So? I was raised by a strict ultra-conservative Greek Orthodox Jewish father.., and an even more religiously brain-washed mother.. I have nothing but the highest respect for the both of them in all other aspects of parenting.., except for religion..

Look at me.., i'm anything "but" religious or conservative.., especially when it comes to sex.. (were're talking really conservative here.., not only no sex prior to marriage.., not only marrying someone Jewish Orthodox.., but having "religious sex" after you get married.., fcuk that.. no thanks)

If I rejected the notion of Santa and the Tooth fairy.., or the Easter bunny.., then rejection of religion and conservative views quickly followed.., I don't like to think of what would be of me if I was raised by more liberal parents.. (although.., aside from religion.., my parents where pretty liberal people.., always voted Democrat.., strong environmentalists & such)

So.., I can relate to the OP.., but it's a personal choice of whether you are willing to break free from the chains everyone else is trying to lock you down with.., or if you're just willing to sit there and accept them.. Some chains are harder to break free from than others.., but for as long as you're thinking without emotion.., you'll slowly break free from everything.., and be inhibited by nothing..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

There isn't a husband out there that wouldn't be thrilled at that.

Husband.. no.., every husband would love it.., but the reason it's a (slut).., is because we're not talking about when it's her husband.., but when it's some random guy she's not even dating.. and her motives for sexually satisfying him are not because of anything she feels for him.., but so she can feel like she's good at sexually satisfying men.., so she can feel that she's good at SOMETHING or good FOR something in life.., that she's not completely useless or unloved.. (low self-esteem)

This is why a woman who has sex 7 times a week.., vs. a woman who has sex 30 times a week.., is no more a slut than the other.., you have to look deeper into the circumstances.., and you can actually discover that the woman who has sex 7 times a week.., is actually the slut.., because she is with different men.., who she feels no emotional connection to.., and her motive for having sex is an unhealthy one.., as opposed to the woman who has sex 30 times a week.., with her husband.., who she loves.., there's nothing remotely slutty about that..

You can hopefully understand why it's so frustrating to hear the term "slut" used incorrectly.. It really is tragic to mix up the two or falsely associate it with something that doesn't apply..

But if there's a strong emotional connection with someone.., and the motives for having sex are true, honest, genuine, and healthy.., then (numbers) don't count for anything.., they're meaningless.., you can have sex 80 times in a week with that person.., doesn't make you a slut.., you can grab his crotch and have sex in church or outdoors in public.., or give him a blowjob while skydiving.., whatever works for you.., and it's still prefectly fine.. nothing wrong with it.., as long as you both remember to pull the chord before you hit the ground..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

What I CAN relate to, though, is being a sex maniac. Why hold back?

Exactly.., that just shows you how easily beliefs can change.., it's not that hard..,

My father.., super-ultra-conservative & religious.. while growing up.., today he's an atheist.., has been for the past 6 years..

My brother.., die-hard Republican.., given.., after the Bush administration.., but still.., today he's a Dem..

Me.., I used to think women didn't talk about sex.., therefore didn't think about sex.., didn't like sex.., didn't want it.., didn't talk about boys.., therefore didn't want boys.., weren't interested in them.., that it was this epic journey and struggle one had to endure and take to get to the heart of a woman.., boy.., did that change..

The point is.., (for the OP).., change is not as hard as you would imagine it to be.., it's more than possible.., especially when the issue is not something neutral.., but something beneficial to both you and your husband..

Best,

GrkScorp

[vashti]

Why do I get the feeling that Mish & Vash are having an orthogonal argument? I didn't read anywhere that Vash was actually supporting 'no sex before marriage'.

Actually, I DO support "no sex before marriage" for people who find it meaningful. I support any way of elevating basic human functions to something more lofty, and I don't see that people who opt to wait should be penalized for it.

This does not mean I feel everyone should be virgins when they marry, though... just the people who find it meaningful.

[Mish]

Actually, I DO support "no sex before marriage" for people who find it meaningful. I support any way of elevating basic human functions to something more lofty, and I don't see that people who opt to wait should be penalized for it.

This does not mean I feel everyone should be virgins when they marry, though... just the people who find it meaningful.

I'd like to know how you feel about people who jump off the cliff Vash, should they not be penalized by hitting the ground?

The way I see it, if someone makes a conscious decision to not take sexual chemistry into consideration when choosing a partner for life, why should they have the right to complain about it when that sexual chemistry doesn't work out for them? It's their mistake for not considering it in the first place. It's their mistake for not paying attention to it before getting married, before saying the vows. They should try to make the best out of the situation they got themselves into of course, negotiate, be supportive of their life partner and their low sex drive, try positive methods, but the way I see it they forfit their right to complain about it the moment they consciously make this decision to disregard sexual chemistry in the beginning.

[vashti]

Surely you aren't dumb enough to think that people who aren't fcuking don't experience sexual chemistry?

[Mish]

Again with the personal attacks Vash "within a question", I'm curious is it purposeful or something that you simply can't control?

Their knowledge of their sexual chemistry is obviously "incomplete" without the intercourse.

[GrkScorp]

Actually, I DO support "no sex before marriage" for people who find it meaningful. I support any way of elevating basic human functions to something more lofty, and I don't see that people who opt to wait should be penalized for it.

This does not mean I feel everyone should be virgins when they marry, though... just the people who find it meaningful.

Hold up.., Mish.., wait a second.., I think you might be giving Vash more heat than she really deserves.. common.., take a second and listen to what she's saying.., I think you might have missed.., skipped over.., or misunderstood what she's trying to say..

She's not saying EVERYONE should be virgins before marriage.., or that IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.., blah blah.., that's not what she's saying at all..

She's just saying.., that for the people who find it meaningful or important.., either for some religious reason or some personal reason.., they should feel free to be virgins.., without being pressured to break their beliefs..

I know we can all agree that that's not exactly a bad thing.., they should be no more forced to abandon their beliefs than say a Christian.., or a Republican.., despite how different they are to others.., or how wrong or right they may be.., everyone is entitled to their beliefs.., and it's not much to ask to afford them a very minimal level of respect.., and allow them to hold those beliefs.., without being pressured to change or conform to anything that contradicts those beliefs..

Like we said.., just because they believe something that we don't feel is right.. doesn't give us some divine right to impose our view on them.., or force them or pressure them to change.. reguardless of how right or wrong either party is.., there has to be some respect for personal choice.. that's not too much to ask for.. But also.., just because they believe it.., doesn't mean that anyone else has to accept it or go along with it..

What I hate the most is when people come into the subway early in the morning and ask me.. "have you accepted the lord? do you have a personal relationship with the lord?" (no! I don't.., I just finished with Santa Clause.., rejected the belief that i'm part of the chosen people.., realized that it was my parents who put money under my pillow all those years when I lost a tooth.., and i'm more convinced that there is a complex force that controls and holds power over the universe.. than a man in the sky who is constantly watching us and knocking up virgins with a flower and who gives his son a hispanic name only to let him die by at his 30's.. so unless you have any candy.., i'm not interested)

Similarly.., if someone like that just comes into your life.., nobody is telling you to accept them.., there's no shame in letting them know that you don't agree with their belief in neglecting her own needs.., aswell as yours.. for whatever reason she deems noble.., You can reject her and let her go.., but there's no reason for you to try and pressure her to change..

The same way it's disrespectful for her to try and force you to accept a belief you don't agree with.., it's equally disrespectful for you to try and pressure her to change and conform to your belief.. I think that's the meat of Vash's argument..

And like we've said.., there are guys who are not only "ok" with it.., but actually actively look for women who hold these beliefs.., so in time.., hopefully.., she'll find such a guy.. But that's her problem.., not yours.., and no reason to make it your problem.., just skip.., next.,. and end of story.., no big deal.. no need to get caught up in all the technicalities and parenting or philosophical issues..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

I'd like to know how you feel about people who jump off the cliff Vash, should they not be penalized by hitting the ground?

The way I see it, if someone makes a conscious decision to not take sexual chemistry into consideration when choosing a partner for life, why should they have the right to complain about it when that sexual chemistry doesn't work out for them? It's their mistake for not considering it in the first place. It's their mistake for not paying attention to it before getting married, before saying the vows. They should try to make the best out of the situation they got themselves into of course, negotiate, be supportive of their life partner and their low sex drive, try positive methods, but the way I see it they forfit their right to complain about it the moment they consciously make this decision to disregard sexual chemistry in the beginning.

Damn.., that gives me an orgy of ideas.., I have to make a new thread on something related to that.. just to see how everyone feels about it..

Thanks Mish..

[vashti]

Again with the personal attacks Vash "within a question", I'm curious is it purposeful or something that you simply can't control?

Their knowledge of their sexual chemistry is obviously "incomplete" without the intercourse.

Personal attack? I gave you the benefit of doubt by saying you can't be that stupid.

Anyway, you call it incomplete, I call it delayed gratification. Suddenly I am reminded of all those teenage boys trying to talk their way into my pants when I was a schoolgirl.

[GrkScorp]

Why can't you both see that you're in a parallel argument..

Mish: I think it's wrong to call the sky red.. it most certainly is not!

Vash: You moron! It's clearly blue! How dumb can you be? I guess that's men for you..

Mish: Why must you be so offensive? You best be joking.., it's obviously more towards a sky blue..

(many posts later)

Vash: 70% Cyan

Mish: As if! More like 72.3% Go on Photoshop and check it out for yourself

Vash: Everyone knows Photoshop CS is for little boys who aren't smart enough to use MS Paint

Mish: That's a fcukn' default Windows app that's as old as Bill Gates

Vash: Excuses.., just admit that you have no idea how to use it and let's end this argument

Mish: Wtf?

[Mish]

LOL

I almost spilled my drink, thanks for that Scorp

[misombra]

I'd like to know how you feel about people who jump off the cliff Vash, should they not be penalized by hitting the ground?

The way I see it, if someone makes a conscious decision to not take sexual chemistry into consideration when choosing a partner for life, why should they have the right to complain about it when that sexual chemistry doesn't work out for them? It's their mistake for not considering it in the first place. It's their mistake for not paying attention to it before getting married, before saying the vows. They should try to make the best out of the situation they got themselves into of course, negotiate, be supportive of their life partner and their low sex drive, try positive methods, but the way I see it they forfit their right to complain about it the moment they consciously make this decision to disregard sexual chemistry in the beginning.

i disagree. just because a couple waits to have sex doesn't mean they should be remiss about doing it right when the time comes. that's like waiting to do your taxes and then do them half-assed when you do, because since you waited so long to do them you obviously don't care about them, right?