My wife feels like a bitchy roomate that no one wants to be around. What should I do?

[cbadchris]

What do you expect if you are a 25 year old marrying a, what, 18/19 year old?

Come to think, this thread could be complete BS after doing that math.

But you could be right Steve. Its possible she's just finally grown up & realized he isn't what she wants anymore.

We have been together for 8 years and just got married a year ago.

[vashti]

Well, you picked her! Surely there were signs of bratty behavior before you married that you chose to overlook. I've never seen a down-to-earth woman purchase a Coach bag. You made your bed, and unless you are able to objectively assess how you contributed to this scenario, you are likely to divorce her and marry another bratty woman. Save yourself the divorce fees by trying to repair this if you can. Get professional help.

[cbadchris]

Well, you picked her! Surely there were signs of bratty behavior before you married that you chose to overlook. I've never seen a down-to-earth woman purchase a Coach bag. You made your bed, and unless you are able to objectively assess how you contributed to this scenario, you are likely to divorce her and marry another bratty woman. Save yourself the divorce fees by trying to repair this if you can. Get professional help.

You hit the nail on the coughin. Bratt! Yeah I saw this coming but I thought that things would change as she does have good qualities, but they are not worth the bad to me. Espcially after seeing other couples in my age group work together so well. I think I just needed complete stranger whom were not invested to tell me I am an idiot and to move on. The good thing is that we have only been married a year and have no kids.

[overlooked]

she had the attitude like this for 7 years since we were dataing

then why are u so surprised now that she's turned out to be like this? it isn't like she was hiding it from u from the start anyway.

[misombra]

i know a good divorce lawyer.

[lesa]

You two need to communicate again. She has been doing this for a long time and it is going to take her time to understand what she is doing. You cannot expect a relationship to maintain your own happiness. You must be happy with yourself now. You are dissatisfied yes but you can work on that.

Is there a specific reason that you want out now? Do you have a potential woman ready to date you now?

[overlooked]

The good thing is that we have only been married a year and have no kids.

u spent 7 years dating and u're fine by it. then u got married for 1 year and u're complaining about it???

o God...so here is what i think: unless u're doing something to fix it, i'm sorry to tell but she IS going to be like this as long as u're married (if u're married to her til the rest of ur life, the rest of ur life it is).

anyway, i was just reading what u just said that ur friend said "why do u let her talking to u that way". was she talking to u disrespectfully infront of ur friends (other people)? if that's the case, she's just being too much. if u've tried nice ways but it doesnt work, u know the opposite of nice, rite? show her who's the boss! haha..seriously i think she needs a lesson to get her feet on the ground. no physical abbsue tho...just firmly warn her to behave well and to change her behaviour. u need to set ur limit, afterall u ARE the head of the family and she has to respect u one way or the other. especially since u've been acting all good and responsible to her.

[bluesummer]

Sounds like you are also LETTING yourself get walked on...and that only perpetuates her behaviour. Being Mr. Nice Guy all the time is not going to make her treat you better. Stand up to her. When she snaps at you or speaks disrespectfully to you in a conversation, tell her you will come back and finish the conversation when she can treat you with some respect. As for money, I'm assuming you guys have a joint account? Big mistake in any marriage. I think you need to either have separate accounts so she can be more realistic about her contributions to the household and what she's taking from it), or you need to open a separate account of your own and start having your pay put in there.....if she has a problem with it, explain that you need to start making a budget because the TWO of you have been overspending. Do not put up with her spending all your income. Oh, and stop buying her shit to make her happy, that's not helping either.

If she can't communicate, you guys are going to have a hard time sorting this problem out. Maybe she is really unhappy too, but doesn't know how to tell you....and maybe you need to get out while you can. Expect her to try and take you for half of everything she didn't even earn.

[Cain]

Sounds like you are also LETTING yourself get walked on...and that only perpetuates her behaviour. Being Mr. Nice Guy all the time is not going to make her treat you better. Stand up to her. When she snaps at you or speaks disrespectfully to you in a conversation, tell her you will come back and finish the conversation when she can treat you with some respect. As for money, I'm assuming you guys have a joint account? Big mistake in any marriage. I think you need to either have separate accounts so she can be more realistic about her contributions to the household and what she's taking from it), or you need to open a separate account of your own and start having your pay put in there.....if she has a problem with it, explain that you need to start making a budget because the TWO of you have been overspending. Do not put up with her spending all your income. Oh, and stop buying her shit to make her happy, that's not helping either.

If she can't communicate, you guys are going to have a hard time sorting this problem out. Maybe she is really unhappy too, but doesn't know how to tell you....and maybe you need to get out while you can. Expect her to try and take you for half of everything she didn't even earn.

I don't think joint accounts are a mistake for every marriage. My gf and I will be getting a join account when we move in together. I'm not a spendaholic and she's the one that balances the books all of the time. But if it became a problem and we couldn't handle the finances jointly, we'd move to separate accounts.

[vashti]

I don't think joint accounts are a mistake for every marriage. My gf and I will be getting a join account when we move in together. I'm not a spendaholic and she's the one that balances the books all of the time. But if it became a problem and we couldn't handle the finances jointly, we'd move to separate accounts.

I agree. I never understand marrying someone you don't trust with money.

[Cain]

I agree. I never understand marrying someone you don't trust with money.

Exactly. If someone isn't responsible with money... maybe you shouldn't marry them.

[Gigabitch]

Just to get it out into the open, Vashti, I want you to know I have three Coach purses and a Coach briefcase.

cbadchris, what kind of couple doesn't get each other presents for Christmas (yes, a Muslim one, I know, I know). That right there tells me something about the two of you. Your relationship seems to be stuck somewhere. Yes, she sounds like a total brat, but you sound sulky and impotent (I don't mean that in the bedroom way).

This reminds me og my brother's marriage. It sucks. The only reason they're together is because they have a seven-year-old. Other wise, he would have scrapped it by now. Why don't you? Why are you with this woman?

I want you to seriously think about that last question and answer it honestly. WHY did you marry her in the first place, when it was obvious what she was like? There must have been some reason. Is she super-hot? Did you fall in love with her potential and then she never grew as a person? Was she nicer at some point in the past?

[Charlie Boy II]

wtf is a coach purse??

[Gigabitch]

Leather bling, basically.

[Charlie Boy II]

ohh I thought you guys were talking about a purse especially for taking on long-haul bus rides. That didn't seem so glamorous.