professor

[jbrowning]

To be more clear, he never did anything at all like this while I was actually his student, which I am not anymore in any way, shape or form. He's not even teaching at the same university anymore.

And how can you say that relationships with an age gap never, ever work out, and that they are always unhealthy? And that the people in such relationships have major problems? I have an aunt and an uncle that are 15 years apart and have been happily married for more than 20 years. I know these are rare, but I think it's unfair to lump them all together.

[Junket]

I know these are rare, but I think it's unfair to lump them all together.

No it's not.

In any case, it doesn't matter now, eh?

He's gone, right?

He's not married, is he?

[jbrowning]

And why do you think it's not? (Seriously, I'm asking.)

And he's not married.

[nuevo]

dont worry, is a normal behavior, all professors do that...





...(to get la**)

[Gribble]

Yeah. I'm sure a highly educated middle-aged man is interested in a 21 year old chick for her personality.

[jbrowning]

Well, if he was just trying to get laid, he would have done this a long time ago, but he didn't. Like I said, he never acted like that until the last couple times I saw him.

[shh!]

And how can you say that relationships with an age gap never, ever work out, and that they are always unhealthy? And that the people in such relationships have major problems? I have an aunt and an uncle that are 15 years apart and have been happily married for more than 20 years. I know these are rare, but I think it's unfair to lump them all together.

With all due respect to your aunt and uncle, you really have no idea how happily they are married. I doubt they would share the details of their marital life with you. I don't think NO age gap relationships can work, but most of the time, they become problematic eventually.

[Aegis]

jbrowning...what do *you* think he feels toward you?

[misombra]

there are a lot of perverted guys out there. they're always the most charming guys too. they prey on the many weaknesses of young girls.

it makes me want to poison them with cyanide.

[jbrowning]

jbrowning...what do *you* think he feels toward you?

I don't know. Honestly, I felt like there was something there, but I don't trust myself, because I'm just scared that I'm seeing something that isn't there just because I want to see it.

[Mish]

I don't know. Honestly, I felt like there was something there, but I don't trust myself, because I'm just scared that I'm seeing something that isn't there just because I want to see it.

Honestly, I don't think anyone here will be able to tell you what he felt like as well. It's going to be a secret that you will never find out because he's gone. So why is it important to you? That's what I don't understand.

[anachronistic]

The reason why age gap relationships hardly ever work out is because people generally get more mature with age. It varies from person to person, depends on everything. Usually professors and well educated people are much more mature then an average person in their agegroup, but that, too, is a generalization.

Based on these generalizations, and what you've provided us throughout your posts, I'm assuming that this guy is not after your personality. If you think someone is truly into who you are, block out everything they say when you are around them; pay close attention to how they act and what they do. This guy has done everything he can to try and trick you into sleeping with him or something. He's trying to lure you in without making you feel too uncomfortable or weird, or making it too obvious, so that if you WERE to go to the school department and file a complaint, it wouldn't look like he was really trying to pull anything off. You're wrong when you say he'd already have slept with you; while this might be the case with people around your age who really have nothing to lose, it is not the case with a professor, who is putting his reputation and his career on the line. No, he's trying to get you to do it, to make himself look like the innocent one. Had he been interested in a relationship with you, he'd be willing to put those things on the line and you'd be together already. Come on, do you really think a fully grown, well educated professor lacks the confidence he would need to be in a relationship with you?

While he may be a great friend to you now, he is trying to see how far you're willing to go. You think the ball is in his court, but it's really in yours. However you play it out will effect you. It's a damn shame that a professor, someone who should be a role model for young people such as you and I, would take the respect they have earned and try to take advantage of people with it. That's really what's happening here, JB.

I have nothing wrong with age differences in relationships, you know... in fact, I believe that maturity isn't related to age as much as society associates it with - this is very obvious, and I can prove that with ordinary examples. I think this professor is very immature, especially for his age, because of the way he treats you. I think you on the other hand, are more mature than he... however, not quite mature enough to date people around his age. The fact that he has already failed a marriage with another woman is very unpromising. I would guess that the same thing would happen to you if you were to get more involved with this guy. I think he would continue to manipulate you, and you'd just have to keep coming back to the forums for advice.

This is all the advice I can give you. You have to stay on your toes, and protect yourself from people who will manipulate you like that.

[starbuck]

JB, if you somehow managed to get together with this guy, chances are you'd get bored. You have so much life experience ahead of you. If you feel like guys your age are immature (I don't know if you said this or if it just was implied by other posters), why don't try dating a few guys who are slightly older, like 25 year olds?

Sometimes we end up with crushes on people. Just because we have strong feelings, doesn't mean we should pursue them and try to make them into relationships. This is really all about you taking care of yourself so that you end up with a good match and not heartbreak.

[boobaa]

Well, if he was just trying to get laid, he would have done this a long time ago, but he didn't. Like I said, he never acted like that until the last couple times I saw him.

He is middle aged. He wants to feel younger. Its not personality, don't overthink of yourself.

[IndiReloaded]

Has this fellow even contacted you now that he's left your uni? I'm not talking about responses to YOU, I mean, is he going out of his way to make an actual effort to stay in touch with you?

If yes, then its possible he wants a relationship with you, but then what everyone else has said applies. I think you'd find him quite different than the 'power persona' you observed when he was your prof. As I said, I speak from personal experience in this.

If not, I'd have to say he'd be appalled to know you are so obsessed with him. Crushes on profs are so very common, hun.

Try reading "He's Just Not Into You".

And if that doesn't work, why don't we ask Cam (he's a prof who sometimes posts here), whether he would likely be interested in a relationship w/a 20-something year old. Not at all likely, I think.

Stop obsessessing, OP. You can do much better than trying to lift your ego from whether an ex-prof found you hot or not.