How long is standard in your minds....

[shh!]

Why the emphasis on an expensive wedding? It's not supposed to be about the wedding day, but rather the marriage.

[lesa]

How?

I wanted to marry her. There was no hiding the commitment.

I'm sorry, but both she and I had more in mind than some cheap ass wedding.

So you will rather have no marriage but go straight to the married life phase without it? That sounds very cheap...in fact isn't that free? It won’t be that easy for me anymore.

Start budgeting now .

[lesa]

Why the emphasis on an expensive wedding? It's not supposed to be about the wedding day, but rather the marriage.

It's the 'have your cake and eat it too' syndrome. Most people don't realize they got it. He wants to save up money before the wedding and gets a free 'wife' until then. If I was her, I wouldn't allow it until he gather his expense if he feels it's so necessary. That is, If I wanted to marry him...if not then fine, I can catch the syndrome too, lol.

[Cain]

Why the emphasis on an expensive wedding? It's not supposed to be about the wedding day, but rather the marriage.

Who cares?

It's what we wanted.

[Cain]

It's the 'have your cake and eat it too' syndrome. Most people don't realize they got it. He wants to save up money before the wedding and gets a free 'wife' until then. If I was her, I wouldn't allow it until he gather his expense if he feels it's so necessary. That is, If I wanted to marry him...if not then fine, I can catch the syndrome too, lol.

...

This might apply if she didn't want to live with me too.

Not everyone is like you and vash.

Not everyone feels that they have to be right on the verge of marriage before living together.

[lesa]

...

This might apply if she didn't want to live with me too.

Not everyone is like you and vash.

Not everyone feels that they have to be right on the verge of marriage before living together.

We may have more info or experience.

How can you assume what was best for you and your girlfriend? She seems to really think otherwise on many things...Just my guess.

It's your life, I was stating my opinion to the OP and you did the same. Hopefully all opinions were helpful to the OP to make a decision on his/her own.

[Cain]

We may have more info or experience.

How can you assume what was best for you and your girlfriend? She seems to really think otherwise on many things...Just my guess.

I don't assume anything. We're broken up now, but that doesn't change the fact that she WANTED us to move in together.

That definitely won't be happening now whether we get back together or not simply because I'm not moving over there now. I'm staying where I'm at and going through school. If she wants to deal with distance for an extra year, fine. But, the only way we'll be living together now is if she moves over here after she finishes grad school.

And I don't care what info or experience you have. It fits you. It doesn't fit everyone. I don't have to be right on the verge of marriage to marry someone.

[lesa]

I don't assume anything. We're broken up now, but that doesn't change the fact that she WANTED us to move in together.

That definitely won't be happening now whether we get back together or not simply because I'm not moving over there now. I'm staying where I'm at and going through school. If she wants to deal with distance for an extra year, fine. But, the only way we'll be living together now is if she moves over here after she finishes grad school.

And I don't care what info or experience you have. It fits you. It doesn't fit everyone. I don't have to be right on the verge of marriage to marry someone.

Cain, what does 'she WANTED us to move in together' has to do with answering the OP question?

You seem (to me) to be getting too emotional because you disagree with someone else opinion. I have already stated this is an opinion from info I have gathered to use for my life if I ever desire marriage. I do not see how it is possible that I can make you do or feel my way is entirely correct. I am positive that you feel that your opinions are not entirely the viewpoint that everyone should have. Do you? An example is the 'Revelation' thread.

I hope you are open to my opinion without feeling that my opinion is right and yours is wrong in any way.

These posts are very interesting to me. I enjoy everyone's opinion...and just adding more opinion. If those are your opinion then you are fine and happy with them. All is well correct? I am very interested in your opinions and just wanted to dig deeper to why you feel that way, but I don’t want you to feel like I am pressuring you to believe my way is correct (I may change and these are not hardcore values of mine, lol).

The OP wasn’t looking for a specific fact to use in his/her life. This person wanted opinion of many so that he/she can gain his/her own way to deal and I prefer that too.

Do you believe the OP expects a specific answer or opinions of others?

[shh!]

I think too many people get so caught up in the wedding plans that their married life becomes all about the wedding DAY, and little or no thought is given to what happens afterwards.

People really distract themselves from big problems by thinking about the WRONG things.

[starbuck]

I don't think there is anything wrong with moving in after a year or even six months. For me it never hurt the relationship at all. If anything, it bonds me to the guy. I grow accustomed to having someone to come home to. And I've never, ever had a guy fall out of love with me for moving in with him.

That is one of the reasons I sometimes think about getting back together with my other ex. (Not the sloth but the music exec) I do miss the companionship we had. Us living together was not the death of our relationship. And if anything, that closeness that we had may be the thing that brings us back together.

[Cain]

Cain, what does 'she WANTED us to move in together' has to do with answering the OP question?

You seem (to me) to be getting too emotional because you disagree with someone else opinion. I have already stated this is an opinion from info I have gathered to use for my life if I ever desire marriage. I do not see how it is possible that I can make you do or feel my way is entirely correct. I am positive that you feel that your opinions are not entirely the viewpoint that everyone should have. Do you? An example is the 'Revelation' thread.

I hope you are open to my opinion without feeling that my opinion is right and yours is wrong in any way.

These posts are very interesting to me. I enjoy everyone's opinion...and just adding more opinion. If those are your opinion then you are fine and happy with them. All is well correct? I am very interested in your opinions and just wanted to dig deeper to why you feel that way, but I don’t want you to feel like I am pressuring you to believe my way is correct (I may change and these are not hardcore values of mine, lol).

The OP wasn’t looking for a specific fact to use in his/her life. This person wanted opinion of many so that he/she can gain his/her own way to deal and I prefer that too.

Do you believe the OP expects a specific answer or opinions of others?

Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying, but what I gathered was that because I feel that I shouldn't have to be on the verge of marriage before living with someone, I'm "wanting to have my cake and eat it too." Not every guy decides that he's going to not worry about commitment once they start living together.

Stating your opinion is fine, but if you want to avoid ambiguity when responding to something I say, don't tell me why I'm choosing to think a certain way.

[Cain]

And for the record, my ex and I wanted to live together because we enjoyed each others company. We also enjoyed sleeping in the same bed every night. As college students, I don't see the point in us paying for separate places when one of us isn't going to be at the other place very much at all.

[lesa]

...

This might apply if she didn't want to live with me too.

Can you elaborate? I don't understand.


In case this was missed, here is my opinion on the OP question (we are digging more into marriage but that's okay...I find it interesting):

If I imagine spending my life with them, I would not move in until at least after engagement with a wedding date approaching.

If I was much older such as 55+ or if I do not imagine a lifetime with them then I would wait until after the 'honeymoon' stages aka infatuation stage which can be about 1-2 years long....so after 2 years if I was younger and probably 9 months - 1 year if I was around 55 years of age.

[Gribble]

Perhaps not everyone feels they need to engage in outdated rituals, exchange hollow vows, or wear shiny little rings of overpriced metal just because they want to share their lives with each other.

[lesa]

I don't think there is anything wrong with moving in after a year or even six months. For me it never hurt the relationship at all. If anything, it bonds me to the guy. I grow accustomed to having someone to come home to. And I've never, ever had a guy fall out of love with me for moving in with him.

That is one of the reasons I sometimes think about getting back together with my other ex. (Not the sloth but the music exec) I do miss the companionship we had. Us living together was not the death of our relationship. And if anything, that closeness that we had may be the thing that brings us back together.

That was my opinion on someone I desire marriage with. If I don't desire marriage then I don't mine living together. Living together will give you just that [and what you are looking for (and Cain too, if I understand correctly)] a 'living together' lifestyle. Right now, I want to enjoy a boyfriend/girlfriend lifestyle and NOT a husband/wife-like lifestyle. When I get there, we are most likely engaged.

I love this boyfriend/girlfriend feeling. If I ever desire a husband/wife feeling then I know what to do.

I understand that many like to live together and do the things that married couple do...absolutely nothing is wrong with that.