a question for the ladies

[jslaughter]

Okay and now I feel silly! I Figured it out about two minutes after I posted and when I came back to try to delete my message I was BUSTED!

I posted my comments in your gallery

[qwerty86]

and how would u describe being confident Jules ? or anyone else

[jslaughter]

and how would u describe being confident Jules ? or anyone else

Being confident is knowing who you are and being comfortable in that. It's knowing that it's okay to laugh at yourself but it's NOT putting yourself down all the time. It's a way that a man carries himself. It's being able to make eye contact. It's hard to put into words but you know it when you see it!

[nikee-boy]

sorry no advertisiments

[nonee]

for me its .. personality, ambition, sense of humor a caring attitude.. n lots of chivalry.. yea if hes rich.. thats a bonus!

[SteveM]

"...yea if hes rich.. thats a bonus!..."

Yip, just about sums it up with women, always throw that one in at the end but "it's not important".... yeah.

Like they say, money can turn a bald spot into a part... or a missing tooth into a gap...

[Bonovox40]

In some ways I think asking a woman to name the "top 5" traits of a guy is all BS. Women never seem to really tell you what they want. They always do the "Oh, a sense of humor, someone friendly and polite who treats me nice, someone who treats old ladies, children and small mammals with kindness."

Yeah, ok. Why can't women say what they REALLY want in a guy instead of the same hashed out responses? It's like our society wants guys to really believe this is what women want when they told it's not polite to say what really wets their lips.

"I want a man who can be a MAN, not a little boy. A man who isn't afraid to stand up to me and be his own man. A man who will respect me but respect himself first and never put me above himself, but always letting me think that someday...maybe he will. A man who makes me feel that raw, sensual energy whenever he pulls me into his embrace. A man who lets me express my sexual desires without the hesitation of behaving like a "proper" woman. A man who is confident and will not accept any disrespect I may act out towards him or the relationship and will not give me "chances" to do better.

A man who will not change for me and does not attempt to change me because he respects the woman that I am. A man who will be exciting in his life, work and play and attitude to me but expects me to contribute equally. A man who will share his life with me enough to have trust and faith in, but never share his entire soul with me and always keep a little mystery about who he is. A man who will not cater to my emotional swings, but will be supportive as long as I am respectful, because as a woman, I actually can control my PMS outbursts if I choose to. A man who will not be over emotional and sappy, but can be romantic when I am deserving and make me feel in his eyes as though i'm the only one in the universe.

A man who makes me laugh and smile and appreicates my humor and personality. A man who I can talk with about anything and who enjoys talking with me. A man who knows that only I can make myself happy, regardless of what he can provide or give. A man who expects me to give as much EFFORT (quality over quantity) into our relationship as he does regardless of our work, wages or lifestyle. A man who will be faithfull, and never accepts infidelity from his woman.

A man who will be the protector of his kingdom. A man who can be aggressive when those times are required but gentle enough to never lay a finger on me or use words against me in times of stress. A man who cares about my thoughts and feelings and shares his own but understands that I want to expereince my trials and tribulations through my own merits and do not want an answer to all my problems. A man who understands that I am still learning and growing each day, and that I need to feel every emotion to live and be a woman, regardless of how I feel day-to-day and ENCOURAGE me to strive to grow as an individual, as I support his self-quests.

A man who will LOVE me for who I am and not for what I may give or provide for him and vise-versa. A man who knows that love can wax and wane at times throughout life, but that love can be built stronger as time goes on with hope, compassion, devotion and honesty... or left to flicker and fade and turn to dust with deceit, lies, secrets, absence, envy and pride.

I want a man who makes me feel ALIVE inside!"

Does this sum up anyone's thoughts a little less vaguely?

I didn't say this out of anger towards women. I just feel that most women only express the surface of what they really want AND expect from men and wonder why when they tell a guy "I want you to be funny, be good looking, and confident." they end up choosing as$holes at or abusers at times, then go "I made it clear, where did it all go wrong?"

Of course, you could give every reason I gave and then some and meet some guy who says "Yes, I am all of those things." and turns out to be a jerk. But at least you made it clear from the start instead of psychically trying to PROJECT those feelings of needs/wants onto a guy and wondering why he just doesn't get it.

Maybe if women starting expressing what they really want deep down, they wouldn't have to waste time on chumps and losers no matter how good looking or how deep their pockets are which might sway their decisions. Be true to yourself. This goes for GUYS as well. This isn't a one sided muse by far. Guys need to express what they want to. It's not being needy, it's not being sappy, it's not being melodramatic. Your being REAL and CONFIDENT when you can express what YOU really want and desire and that's attractive deep down.

Don't be afraid to get down to the nitty-gritty when it comes to relationships. It's YOUR life. Why settle for someone who only fits 1/8 th of what you really want in a man/woman? Be true to yourself!

Sure, you can say "Oh Bono, these things all take time and can't all be determined at once!" Of course they can't. Nobody bears their entire mind, body and soul in just one date. BUT....too many people find out soon enough if that person matches their ideals. AND...too many people decide to ACCEPT the flaws that they DIDN'T WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE because maybe that person had 1 or 2 of the traits they wanted and let their heart override what their mind decided beforehand. Use them both! Everything in our body works together for us. Why shouldn't your HEART and MIND be used in conjunction instead of either or?

Be TRUE to YOURSELF! It's a simple idea yet difficult to incorporate into your life. I've been one who has been negligent in this too! Too many times I accepted the flaws in others that I KNEW I didn't want. I denyed myself for selfish reasons and sometimes selfless. But either way, I wasn't being true to myself.

That's they key to this whole mess called life. Be yourself, and be true to yourself. When you do this, you'll find it easier to ATTRACT and IDENTIFY those who compliment you in the right ways. True ways.

Ok, I think I may have buried this post under philosophy and opinions. Either way, make what you will of it. Peace.

Comments/complaints appreciated.

[squirrley]

sorry Bono there are times I dont have time to get into depth...but when listing traits thats what it is-and the meaning behind them says it...hell I tell Iron all the time what I see in him and why...I think its important to tell that person those qualties that they posess that are attractive...depth is good...

[Bonovox40]

sorry Bono there are times I dont have time to get into depth...but when listing traits thats what it is-and the meaning behind them says it...hell I tell Iron all the time what I see in him and why...I think its important to tell that person those qualties that they posess that are attractive...depth is good...

I kinda got on a rant there but the intentions were good. I do believe that it's not LIKELY that people will take the time to get into that detail, nor is it realistic to say such things and get a honest response back. I can see guys making a mad dash for the door if they heard such things on the first date. It's just too bad that we can't be so open and not have the hang ups to hide those important truths and play those silly games of give and take, push and pry.

I agree that telling someone about the qualities they posses that are important to you. Oftentimes, most guys will be like "Hey, she thinks i'm attractive and a fun guy to be with. I'm the man!" and they'll be satisfied and leave it at that. It's not often a guy thinks "That's great that she sees that but what other traits do I have or could I have that she is interested in?"

Too often, the guy will get lazy thinking he's got enough to keep her satisfied with just existing. And if the woman is hoping that they guy will grow or change or realize that there's more to him that she wants, she might be dissapointed in his unknowing behavior.

[MissVenus]

Compassionate, Confidence, Sense of Humor, Intelligence, Physically Attractive.

[qwerty86]

y are most girls more attracted the the 'bad boy' type of guys then to the 'nice guy' type ???

[BBC1]

looks, personality, height, how they dress, ect. i'm not too concerned about his money. i got my own bling.

Jazmyne,

True. Though...imagine... he's got looks, personality, height, good dress...he is a beginner dancer at a male striptease club? Will ya go for him?

Something tells me there is something else women look for in men.

[BBC1]

I look for : a sense of humor, intellengence, compassion, independence and physical attraction. (physical attraction doesn't mean they have to be super hot, but that sparks fly.)

Just my opinion, but I hope that helps.

Manderbug,

Imagine he is a clown (sense of humor) who's smart to make his own cynical jokes (intelligence), very compassion (help underdogs often), very independent (never married, never been in a commited relationship, of course got his own money exactly in amount a clown has).

Will you go for him?


"A real friend will tell you when you have spinach stuck in your teeth."

[BBC1]

We seem to be so preoccupied with lists. lol
Personality.......sense of humour is a MUST!!
Ambition.......to the point that he must WANT to work for a living, (of course unless he's filthy rich lol)
Easy to get along with......but NOT a push over
Good looking, (not an Adonis, but there must be chemistry)
Intelligent..........hate one sided dicussions, or someone who constantly asks me what the words I'm using mean.

Breezy18,

Here is mail-ordered person for you (exactly as in your order):

He is a writer who's trying to write with humor but no one accepts his novels yet (1),
he works, i.e. writes 15 hours a day to earn his living (2),
he is easy-going guy to the extent being easily whipped (3),
he is good looking (for you) but your mom and your friends saying he is not cute at all (4),
he so much of intelligence in his work that something you dont understand what he is writing about (5).

Will you go for him?

[BBC1]

1)Money important for men.It influences them very much.When 2)Good sence of humor .Really important.Life is difficult and having sence of humor helps us take things easier.And i just like it.
3)Responsibility.No comments .
4)Personality.Hmm,difficult to describe.It mostly feels.I am just quite
5)An age difference because of the reason i wrote above,since "old" men have it much more and they know what they want,how to get it and ....and they are good experienced.

Irina,

Thank you I like your answers, they seems true... half true.

1. Money is important no questions. But why? Just bcz he would feel better?
You know human are egoistic creatures, what is it for you that he feels better?

2. Clowns and some young unknown writers are great with and full of humor. For some reasons they are not popular at all.

4. What you described in personality is more like "chemistry".

5. Money again. Two time out of 5. It is interesting to note that not many others here even mentioned many. Got afraid I guess.

Irina, thanks for unusual female opinion!