What are the Signs...

[xjadedx]

but he is a MAN, if he loved you, he would be motivated to get a part time job to have just enough to see you on weekends.

Don't you think the guy is looking? He is forever hunting a job. Poor guy was made redundant from his last one.

Also take into consideration, that we are in the middle of a recession.....jobs are not being created, but are being lost in their hundreds.

[Sonrisa]

Don't you think the guy is looking? He is forever hunting a job. Poor guy was made redundant from his last one.

Also take into consideration, that we are in the middle of a recession.....jobs are not being created, but are being lost in their hundreds.

how about delivering pizza? driving taxi? mcdonalds? anything to see his loved one?

[Tiay]

yeah, i'm inclined to agree with sonrisa. I'm sorry that I sounded a bit stuck up there, but I just cant imagine that it takes a lot of money for a two hour trip. Plus, you were just telling us that he was refusing to visit you and kept using money as an *excuse*, you didn't until now say that he's in serious debt, so it was really easy to jump to that conclusion.
How much would the trip cost? because I got the impression that it's something you could possibly even ask a car-owning friend for, as a favor.

to me it seems like 1) you really need to see each other to have a valid relationship that has a chance of going somewhere and 2) you are both either unwilling or unable to pay for that. regardless of whether he's stringing you along or not, so unless you get to see each other soon it's like you're heading into a dead end.

[xjadedx]

yeah, i'm inclined to agree. I'm sorry that I sounded a bit stuck up there, but I just cant imagine that it takes a lot of money for a two hour trip. That's something you could possibly even ask a car-owning friend as a favor. How much would the trip cost?

to me it seems like 1) you really need to see each other to have a valid relationship that has a chance of going somewhere and 2) you are both either unwilling or unable to pay for that. regardless of whether he's stringing you along or not, that's a dead end.

It's not a lot of money for a two hour trip, no.
But for someone on welfare, it is a lot of money. Take into consideration that the guy has to pay from this pittance, for the roof over his head, his food, his clothes, etc, etc....and there wouldn't be much spare change once you pay all that.

I do really think that if this guy had the money, he'd come and see me...I really do. It's just unfortunate, that we find ourselves in this situation at the moment and we cant predict when it will be resolved.

Im gonna give him another week anyway....see if he comes up next week.

[Tiay]

alright, alright, we got it already, life is hard for both of you at the moment. Then maybe it is worth considering going on a break and evaluating your situation(s) a few months down the line. If he hasn't saved up enough to visit you then he obviously doesn't really want to badly enough.

[xjadedx]

A break is the last thing I want. I'm unsure I could take a break from him, I'd miss him too much. Communication is important, it's important we keep and maintain that connection. We would drift apart without it. Besides, if I mentioned a break, he'd think I wanted rid of him and there was someone else. It wouldn't be the first time, he's imagined Im involved elsewhere and over some silly thing....he's kinda insecure.

[Sonrisa]

It's not a lot of money for a two hour trip, no.
But for someone on welfare, it is a lot of money. Take into consideration that the guy has to pay from this pittance, for the roof over his head, his food, his clothes, etc, etc....and there wouldn't be much spare change once you pay all that.

welfare should not exist at all unless under harsh circumstances, like abused mother getting away with kids and has no income, etc. in this country everyone abuses welfare. he'd be more motivated to find a job if there wasn't a check waiting for him each month.

[lesa]

Is he living a secret life or is he a bum? It doesn't sound like he is ready for a relationship and he is hoping that you wait possibly years for him...aka stringing you along.

I have a "friend" that lives thousands of miles away. I wouldn't dare start a relationship with him because I can immediately predict the frustrations. I don't like to torture myself.

To answer your original question: yes there is definitely something wrong here. And like I said before, the most difficult thing to do is deciding to end it.

If you continue, you have to accept what you have now. Don't complain about it and make the "relationship" worse.

I bet if you disclose more personal information about him, we may conclude that he may actually be a cruel man.

Can I also conclude that you guys were physically intimate on the first visit? That, too, will make your decision harder.

[Cain]

Stop using the welfare excuse. He can't save $10 per week for four weeks and then use that for gas money? He has all these bills and yet he doesn't even have his own place? Really?

Sorry, but I'm still not buying it. If he really thought that seeing you was that important then he'd be there more than once every three of four months. It's not like you're having to spend money on a plane ticket.

He has been talking to you for a year... online and on the phone. So what? That is not a huge commitment by any means.

[xjadedx]

Cain, I hear what you are saying and yes, I feel sure he'd save too if he wanted to see me badly. But you know I've lived on welfare and after my ex husband left me and until I found work, but saving for me was IMPOSSIBLE! After I'd paid everything out, there was nothing left to save...but then I also have a child Again I'm not defending him, but here's another thought. He may in his personal life have financial obligations/debts that he hasn't revealed to me, that I know nothing about. There are some things people like to keep private. He has said to me that he has a lot of financial worry, that he can't sleep at night with worry. He also has two kids to support from a previous marriage. End of the day, I don't know the ins and outs of this guys private life...he's a guy I met online who I chatted with and met once and we met in my hometown, not his. I spent five hours in total with him and havn't seen him since.

Lesa, an LDR isn't something I went looking for and LDR is something I wouldn't get involved in again with anybody. Like I said, I expected to meet this guy and if we clicked, it would amount to more than one meeting and a phone buddy situation. If I'd know things were gonna turn out this way, I'd have avoided this guy from the outset and would never have invested any of my time in him.

There isn't anything more to reveal about him. I feel I know him well enough....but truth is, I don't know the whole man or anything about his 'real' life' do I? I only know what he's told me and has chosen to reveal. But yeah, we were intimate. One thing I can say is, he aint using me for sex....LOL

[LonelyLoveHeart]

Did you come here to ask a question or to assert your own viewpoint?

Because all I can see here is you defending the man you previously accused of "possibly stringing you along".

If he cared so much about you, he would see you more often. End of. I am not fussed what financial situation he is in. If he loved you he'd be living off ramen noodles just to be able to afford to come and see you.

If you don't know that much about him - and your posts indicate you don't - then I don't think you should keep kidding yourself that he's into you at all.

How is he paying that phonebill, coincidentally?

[xjadedx]

How is he paying that phonebill, coincidentally?

He isn't. He texts me from a free online texting service and asks me to phone him. Been that way for the past month.

And that's why I believe he has no money....he can't afford to even top his phone, where previous he was always topped up and I never had to call him, he called me.

You make it sound like people can just magically conjure up money from thin air....
Realistically, we all know that we need money, in order to be able to travel and we need money to survive....and survival and our own immediate needs come first.
I buy cheap food....still struggle and I work a part time job!!!

And if I don't know him well enough to know if he's really into me, despite having chatted to this guy for a year, .....then what makes you think you are qualified and in any posistion and not knowing him yourself or ever having chatted to him, to say that he isn't into me???

And I am not defending. I'm looking at possibilities that are perhaps making it difficult for him, that maybe he isn't sharing with me, doesn't mean I am saying it is 'gospel'.

I tend to look for the best in people and like to think that they are being as honest with me, as I am with them. I have no soild proof he's lying to me about his financial situation and no solid proof he isn't. I like to think I can believe him, despite having doubts.

Like I said, he's got another week to prove himself....I'm waiting around, no longer than a week!

[Cain]

He isn't. He texts me from a free online texting service and asks me to phone him. Been that way for the past month.

And that's why I believe he has no money....he can't afford to even top his phone, where previous he was always topped up and I never had to call him, he called me.

You make it sound like people can just magically conjure up money from thin air....
Realistically, we all know that we need money, in order to be able to travel and we need money to survive....and survival and our own immediate needs come first.
I buy cheap food....still struggle and I work a part time job!!!

And if I don't know him well enough to know if he's really into me, despite having chatted to this guy for a year, .....then what makes you think you are qualified and in any posistion and not knowing him yourself or ever having chatted to him, to say that he isn't into me???

And I am not defending. I'm looking at possibilities that are perhaps making it difficult for him, that maybe he isn't sharing with me, doesn't mean I am saying it is 'gospel'.

I tend to look for the best in people and like to think that they are being as honest with me, as I am with them. I have no soild proof he's lying to me about his financial situation and no solid proof he isn't. I like to think I can believe him, despite having doubts.

Like I said, he's got another week to prove himself....I'm waiting around, no longer than a week!

I don't buy it. You've put up with it for a year and I have no reason to believe that you'll walk away if he doesn't visit you this week. He'll guilt you into feeling sorry for him and his money woes and you'll be right there waiting again.

[Lahrell]

Had contact with a guy for more then 6 months, not a day would go by that we didn't have contact. Did stuff on skype. We never met. In the meantime he visited some girl, went wrong, I was good enough for contact. Then it went on for months, I really wanted to meet up, but he wasn't "ready". In the end felt "pressured" by the things I said apparantly. Now he's prolly going to see someone else.

So alot of contact doesn't mean jack all. I thought this guy liked me too, but all he did was "value or friendship", by lying and hurting me, knowing I liked him. I was his egobooster, nothing more, nothing less.

Get a guy in your own town. 2 hours is literally nothing. I travelled that much when I had my last relationship, and not only weekends. And my boyfriend at that time did the same, cause we wanted to see eachother so badly. He didn't had a job, nor an income and even he managed. Given he actually used up all the money he had been saving to go and visit me..

[xjadedx]

Had contact with a guy for more then 6 months, not a day would go by that we didn't have contact. Did stuff on skype. We never met. In the meantime he visited some girl, went wrong, I was good enough for contact. Then it went on for months, I really wanted to meet up, but he wasn't "ready". In the end felt "pressured" by the things I said apparantly. Now he's prolly going to see someone else.

So alot of contact doesn't mean jack all. I thought this guy liked me too, but all he did was "value or friendship", by lying and hurting me, knowing I liked him. I was his egobooster, nothing more, nothing less.

Get a guy in your own town. 2 hours is literally nothing. I travelled that much when I had my last relationship, and not only weekends. And my boyfriend at that time did the same, cause we wanted to see eachother so badly. He didn't had a job, nor an income and even he managed. Given he actually used up all the money he had been saving to go and visit me..

I hear ya hon and sorry to hear that you were messed around. I hate it when some guys will pull this stunt of leading females on. It sickens me that people can't be honest with each other. If they were, then it would avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

Believe me, I am thinking 'Is this guy involved elsewhere'?? Is there some other woman in the picture who he may be chasing, but he's keeping me around meantime and until he sees how things progress with her before giving me the heave ho....

Thing is, we don't know what they are really up too....not until the damage has been done anyway and we are left hurt.

I asked this guy and the day before we met, 'If I am not what you want, let me know' Told him not to lie to me, lead me on and that I deserved honesty as he did. He said he would be honest...

Sometimes I think maybe our chatting has become a habit...that he just values the friendship too. That the guy genuinely likes me....but not enough to want to pursue things further in real life.

He said something last night when we were chatting

'It's a shame we only met once'

Now that has me thinking!!!!