Learned some things -- accidentally -- about my wife's previous sex life

[CrashDavis89]

In response to an earlier question -- I love my wife and son more than my own life. I would lay my life down for either one of them.

[CrashDavis89]

who shared their thoughts and indulged my questions . . I am most appreciative.

[Gigabitch]

You know, Crash, I love my own husband like the very breath of me, but if I thought he cheated on me, I couldn't live without knowing the truth, and if I discovered that he actually did cheat on me, I'd chuck his ass. Really.

[CrashDavis89]

Gig, my suspicion is that my wife cheated before we were married but when we were engaged. Does that make a difference?

[IndiReloaded]

I think the only person that can truly answer that is you.

Think very, very hard about what you stand to both gain and lose from pursuing this. That's about all I can think to advise you at this point.

If you do decide you must bring this up with her, make sure you are very clear in your own mind what you want. What kinds of conditions would make it okay to carry on with your marriage and what wouldn't.

This will be a bomb you are dropping on her, regardless of how its made you feel. Chances are she has forgotten all about it. Keep that in mind when you field her initial reactions, and do take advantage of getting a neutral counsellor involved if things get out of hand.

Good luck.

[Gigabitch]

Gig, my suspicion is that my wife cheated before we were married but when we were engaged. Does that make a difference?

For me? Not really. The way I see it, engaged is committed. Really committed. You've agreed to be married, and the rest is just paperwork and ceremony.

[CrashDavis89]

Thanks, I appreciate everyone's help. BTW, is it okay to come in here and just talk sometime? even if I don't have a topic du jour? Currently I'm doing free-lance from home to pay some bills while I look for a new job and sometimes I need a break online, if you know what I mean.

[IndiReloaded]

Most of regulars here do exactly that; stuck at a desk taking a break. Personally, I'd find your experience and general conversation very welcome!

[carl1222]

I get the impression that none of this past bulls**t would matter much if it weren't for your suspicion that she cheated on you before you got married.

There's a world of difference between not telling you things about her past that are really none of your business, and hiding actual cheating when you were together. If your suspicion is that strong ... say 90% sure ... then you have to deal with that. Either by letting it go, or doing whatever it takes to get to the true answer. If you are that sure, I would ask her point blank, and tell her you intend to investigate further.

Concentrate on the trust problem that's now eating away at your marriage.

Carl.

[misombra]

have you talked to her about what her journal said?

[vashti]

How long have you been married, and do you suspect she has been unfaithful since you have married?

[Lite]

Uhm, why don't you just talk to her about what you read, state your feelings, state your concerns, and be done with it rather than ask us what to do about it?

[Illusional]

f*ck yeah i would ask her... when the trust is broken.. what else is there?? besides, there's nothing like a rude awakening to stir up your marriage.

raverboy

[luvispower]

what would you do if she admit that she cheated on you but promise not to do it again?

[IndiReloaded]

Uhm, why don't you just talk to her about what you read, state your feelings, state your concerns, and be done with it rather than ask us what to do about it?

You know, Lite, some people actually take the time to think before deciding to open a can of worms. And god forbid they actually *plan* how to broach a potentially delicate subject. Just saying.