Female Orgasm: Every time, or only some times?

[qwertz]

As a woman, i answered honestly, there isnt such thing as too good in bed.

what else would you like to hear?

[pisces7378]

shheadz...

I promise you, I wouldn't ever jump on one of your posts and offer nothing other than just rousing taunts. If you don't have anything to contribute, then just move on. If you somehow don't like me... please, just accept my apology or whatever, and just kind of... go away.

The reason I didn't post everything about me (what I've studied etc.) is because I didn't want to sound pompous and arrogant, and I have noticed that if an original post is longer than two paragraphs, people tend to just skip over it and not read it. So I kept it short.

And the Marquis vs. Marquee... Ha! How embarrassing. Damn spell checker. I write these posts in MS Word.

Anyway... nevermind you guys. I think I understand what's going on. I don't think that "over-pleasing" girls is my problem. It must be something else in my life; some other aspect of my personality. Jesus, I seem to piss 3/4 of you guys off with a couple of paragraphs. There's no telling what I must be doing to turn girls off.

I think, I come across as too needy, and desperate. Once you ASK your girlfriend for sex, it is no longer about SHARING... it is about GETTING. And once you ask for sex, you reek of desperation. And in my experience, there is nothing more disgusting to a woman than desperation.

My problem is, I was married for 10 years to the woman that was, "the love of my life." But our sex life could not have been more vanilla. She never so much as moaned during sex. I can remember BEGGING her to just breathe during sex. For the entire 10 years of our marriage, she never came once during regular sex, and I couldn't even get her to breathe hard. She was SOOOO held back. When I tried to talk dirty to her, it seemed gross to her.

Here I am, Mr. Sex Guy, and my own wife was as pent up and full of inhibitions as a Nun. In fact, my ex-wife often told me about how she wanted to be a nun as a teenager. So needless to say, our sex life hurled down from everyday in the beginning to twice a week, to once a week, to once a month, to once every other month... right up until I finally left her. I honestly had no choice. I loved her. I STILL am in love with her. I think about her every day. It still crushes me to think that no matter what, there was nothing I could do to change her.

So, every relationship I had since then, I have been fine with the sex, but when it starts to tapper off, even just a little bit, I basically start to panic and try to scramble to make sure that I am the best lover I can be, so that what happened with my wife doesn't happen again. And so far, all I can say is that this seems to be where I go wrong. The more I want to keep it going, the more they pull back... and then the whole things just dissolves.

But, anyway... I am sure that this is more information than you guys wanted to know about me. Just please, if you don't have anything cool to say, just move on. I'd do the same for you.

[Gigabitch]

No, that is NOT too much information. That really rounds out the picture in a lot of ways.

Okay, the fact that you're still in love with your ex might be a large contributor to your problem. It's surely inhibiting you emotionally, and that's half the battle in bringing women back for more sex. Right in the middle of the wild, falling-for-each-other stage, you're possibly a little unavailable. We can sense this, you know.

I can only speak for myself, but I do have a lot of experience. I was married to a bed-bore for 10 years and got back together with an ex that I never quite got over after I got divorced. Technical skills aside, what this man does for me is to provide an intimate connection that is a much bigger turn-on than any of his bed tricks. This was the draw.

Quite honestly, if it's just about the mechanics of orgasm, I can do that by myself. I can't have an intimate, electric, emotional connection by myself.

So, how do you think you're doing in that regard?

[Perryville]

OP, you don't sound "pompous", or "arrogant", you sound immature and insecure, and the posters are trying to be nice to you, perhaps you should return the favor, maybe? Also, for all of your supposed skill and all of your supposed study, you still don't know very much about women, do you? So I'm thinking you might just be trollish.

[shheadz]

shheadz...

I promise you, I wouldn't ever jump on one of your posts and offer nothing other than just rousing taunts. If you don't have anything to contribute, then just move on. If you somehow don't like me... please, just accept my apology or whatever, and just kind of... go away.

The "taunts" were designed to show you how ridiculous the question was, and now here you are... spilling your guts, and getting to the root of the problem. I said what you needed to hear, not what you wanted to hear. So did everyone else.

[starbuck]

Pisces, do you try discussing it with the women you date? If things start to dwindle in the sex department in any relationship I've been in, I'm right there, asking the guy what the deal is. I would be interested to hear their responses.

[pisces7378]

Perryville and shheadz...

Thank you so much for your from-the-heart help in this matter. Now, if you could leave me to my "trollish'ness", that'd be fantastic.

Gigabitch... I know that you are right. I just don't really know how to "get over" my ex-wife. To be quite frank, she was in VERY many ways, the perfect woman for me. We had such great days. We traveled the world together, spending months in Northern Africa, the Greek islands, and we lived in Europe for 4 years together, and just went everywhere. We never argued in that petty shit way that my parents did. When we argued it was always with respect and was working towards something. I never just sank down into calling her names, or her saying things just to hurt me.

Hell, our arguments were stimulating and always ended well. We never went to bed angry. (keep in mind, I am referring to the first 9 of our 10 year marriage). But the no sex thing was always there for me. It took 9 years, but it finally just started to poison everything. She'd ask me to help her do something around the house, and I'd THINK (never say) something like "Yeah right, why should I help you, when you can't even..." You get my drift?

And then she was very unhappy, because she has a master's degree and two bachelor's and was working some dead end crap job, making $24,000/yr. just because we were "stuck" in this lame small town. And I was unhappy because I was in a lot of debt at the time etc. I mean... it just all came up around us so fast, and suddenly the arguments were meaner, and lasted longer. The sex basically disappeared. And after a pretty big argument, I just looked at her and thought, "This woman doesn't care about me at all. One bit." Two weeks later I packed and left.

She was destroyed, but I pressed on. I moved in with a co-worker, and within a month was dating another co-worker, 10 years younger than me. That relationship lasted 9 months, just long enough so that my wife moved 10 hours away, took a great job making $55,000+ doing exactly what she always wanted to do, and now has a new boyfriend.

It's been almost 2 years now since I was with my wife... and I just am so confused. Because I know that no matter what, all those problems we had sexually would still be there, and towards the end it all really did get bad. But I can't help but just be crushed by how AMAZING the 9 years we had that were good really were.

Of course, I don't just live in a basement and cry about my wife. I try to go out and live a normal life. But it is so hard, whenever there is this gnawing feeling that all of this is a dream. And that the woman that I really love is gone, and I am the one that left.

How do you just "get over" that?

[pisces7378]

Pisces, do you try discussing it with the women you date? If things start to dwindle in the sex department in any relationship I've been in, I'm right there, asking the guy what the deal is. I would be interested to hear their responses.

Yeah... I've asked, but have never gotten a concrete answer. I think my biggest problem is that my confidence has been obliterated by having a wife that never wanted to have sex, and the following that up with a quasi-unstable 21 year old girlfriend.

The girlfriend started out as a total freak in bed. It was fantastic! But then we just hit a wall. But here's the worst thing about it. She was a very talkative girl... so she'd tell me about every sexual encounter she'd ever had. She'd been with 7 guys other than me. She'd had sex for the first time at age 18 with her boyfriend that she was with for 2 years, and then in 1 year she had sex with 7 guys.

Now, to me that is not an incredibly high number. I never thought of her as some kind of "slut". I never liked that term, or trying to make a girl feel bad on any level for having sex.

But she had basically had sex with all her male friends. And she still hung out with all of them. So basically she'd get a text message from [Chris] asking if she was coming home for the weekend because there was a huge bon-fire party. Then we'd go downtown to get a drink at a bar, and [John] would be there, and we'd all sit and talk. Then later I'd stop be her house, and she'd be on the computer Facebook chatting with [Gabe].

And the fact that she'd had sex with all these guys was a little weird, because I live in adult land where people break up, and don't really "stay friends" all that often. Sure it happens. But I don't know anyone who gets contacted daily by people they've slept with; sometimes two and three people a day.

But still... the sex wasn't what bothered me. It was that she would tell me about this time that she was sucking this dude's dick and this and that happened. And then there was the time she had this 3'some with her best friend and this dude. And then there was the time she had sex at work with this guy friend of hers. Or the one night stand she had, where she just screwed him and then asked him to leave etc.

So my head was FULL of these images and stories, and every time we'd leave the house we'd run into someone she'd had sex with. AND then on top of all that, she started pulling way back on sex with me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that she didn't do anything morally "wrong." And only an asshole would fault her for just expressing her sexuality with as many people as she wants to. And I know that my reaction to her sexually liberated nature probably contributed to the decrease in sex.

But DAMN... I still wish I had just told her to shut the fcuk up about all her sex stories. Who does that?!?

[Gigabitch]

It's been almost 2 years now since I was with my wife... and I just am so confused. Because I know that no matter what, all those problems we had sexually would still be there, and towards the end it all really did get bad. But I can't help but just be crushed by how AMAZING the 9 years we had that were good really were.


How do you just "get over" that?

I don't know what to say. I guess you come to terms with the fact that you married your best friend, which was a mistake, considering the fact that you're Mr. Sex and she's Mrs. Nun.

Having gone through a marriage with lukewarm sex and now having one with red-hot steamy sex, I can give you every assurance that there is hope for a better situation if you allow it to happen. Quit pining over Ms. Frigid.

As far as the rebound girl goes, you pretty much got what you signed up for when you started dating a child. I wouldn't expect anyone to know any better by the age of 21, though it must have been quite annoying. Only an insecure asshole has to wear her sexual history like a charm bracelet.

[girl68]

Idiots do that. She's 21 right? She doesn't have a clue obviously. Next time tell her the shut the f up.

[qwertz]

well you obviously have a problem with men giving advice/responding.

They were trying to help you, and yes, your responses to them make you sound like an arrogant pompous man that obviously struggles to pleasure women.

[starbuck]

I feel bad for the OP. It sucks to be sexually rejected by your SO. Or to always be the initiator of sex. It's can do a real number on your self-esteem if you're not careful.

So the number of woman who have "backed off" sexually are...two? Unless I'm missing something and there were more, that's not a huge number of women out there who follow this pattern. I'm willing to bet your odds are that the next one won't do this.

You obviously have alot to offer in terms of your dedication to pleasing a woman in bed. There are women who will appreciate this greatly. Just keep your eyes open and start looking for red flags sooner. They were all over the place with the 21 year old.

[pisces7378]

Gigbitch, Girl68, and Starbucks... You're awesome. Thanks!

Qwerty123... stick it in your ear.

[Gigabitch]

Qwerty123... stick it in your ear.

With your education, you should know that is one place you definitely should NOT stick it. I'm surprised at you, pisces!

[pisces7378]

With your education, you should know that is one place you definitely should NOT stick it. I'm surprised at you, pisces!

Ha ha... you're awesome Gigabitch!