Friend has a mild eating disorder how to handle?

[dewilliams2]

^^^I'm sorry, is she still all jacked up?...most the women I see are between 5'2-5'7 and generally weigh 130-170 and I think they all look great...of course I don't mind a girl with some hips but I also like some big tits and a big booty so I don't care about a little extra weight so I can have those things.

So many women think they have to be super thin to look attractive but honestly I don't like boney girls.

[girl68]

Well seeing how I said mild eating disorder, yes she's still doing the same old deal. Hardly eating/ serving everyone else big portions. I see her eat often enough it's just pathetic how little she eats. And while I think thin can be very attractive the way my friend looks is not pretty at all. I can tell she's not meant to be that thin. A few years back (I didn't know her then) she was a solid 140ish at 5'6ish I'd say and not even close to "fat". She looked great, curves, hips, big boobs and sexy there wasn't a belly hanging over her pants... Anyways. She's really just getting on my nerves and with body images issues myself I feel she is nothing but 100% toxic to my healing in that respect. So I relaly just want to limit my exposure to someone who makes me think I'm fat when at 5'3 115 pounds I feel pretty darn good about myself!

But I hear what you're saying- If I was a dude, I don't think stick thin is ever all that attractive.

[cancankant]

That's what I get for reading & posting late at night when I should be asleep. I didn't even notice the date on the thread! Woops! Well, I hope you are doing okay and I hope she decides that disorder eating isn't for her, but it's good to keep a distance from someone like that when they don't want help, since she wanted to drag you down to pull herself up.

[LailaK]

Speaking as someone who struggled with this, get her professional help.

Family and Friends are great and can offer support but you need someone who helps people like this for a living to help her overcome or live with her body issues.

Also, I really don't think there is a such thing as a mild eating disorder. She may think she has control of it now but it can quickly spiral to something really dangerous.

[girl68]

You're right L, but the thing with her is she will 100% refuse to admit she has a problem. I have tried suggesting counselling and the like once when I was talking about my issues, and she mentioned hers... and that's when I said something like you should check a therapist too. She laughed and said I'm not that crazy. Gee, that made me feel good. (But I've realized that I'm doing good for myself by going- she is destroying herself). She did tell me though that she promised she'd do something about it when "it's not just about her anymore" (I think she is referring to when I get a bf, I'll seek help). But whatever, I can't force her... I tried.

[LailaK]

My intervention was forced I'm convinced that my parents and friends saved my life.

People don't understand that eating disorders feel good. There may be physical side effects that are bad but with every pound you lose and every meal you skip you feel a sense of power. You feel in total control of your self and your body. It's a heady good feeling.

It's not about convincing her to go. It's about getting her help. When I was going through my problems I thought that no one understood. When someone told me I was beautiful, they were stupid because obviously I was fat. When someone told me I was killing myself, they were just jealous because they didn't have the self control that I did.

It's often not until your hair is falling out, your skin is a mess, and you develop serious physical issues that a lot of people seek help. This is an issue where most of the people who need help, don't want it.

Are you close to her family? Maybe you can speak to someone else that's close to her so you guys can be allies for her health. She'll feel betrayed in the beginning, but eventually she'll probably be like me and thank you for it.

[girl68]

I hear ya and that's great on your family and friends and good for you!

I totally understand how she loves doing this, I'm not arguing that at all. Makes perfect sense. But I have tried to "get" her help. I've showed her websites, books, articles, and given her direct numbers of people who would help. She won't. And I'm no pro, I don't have the money, resources nor time to "get her help". I've got my own issues that I'm trying to deal with. So to exhasust myself on her would be to not take care of myself. Perhaps that's selfish but yeah..

And her family is just as crazy if not more. They're rich, and they act like it. Every negative stereotype about rich folk is them- to a tee. Also her bff and I have both tried to knock some sense into her. It works for a month- then it's back to her not eating again. It's not gotten worse at all it just hasn't improved. I'm at a loss.

[LailaK]

That's unfortunate. Without the help of her family I'm at a loss for what you can do.

If she's waiting for a boyfriend to inspire her to health (I think you mentioned something like that) that's most likely going to fail. She needs to do this for herself, because she loves herself and wants to live a long healthy life. The only way I know that she can get there is counseling.

[girl68]

That's my conclusion too! She says she "do something when it just isn't about her anymore" (I think that's what you're referring too) but I agree I think she needs to do it for herself first. But hey, I can't help unless they want to be helped- she clearly does not.

Thanks Laila...

[dewilliams2]

Well you could get some friends together...turn off the lights in the house, when she walks in turn on the lights and yell "surprise"...she'll think its a party for her...and oh is it...when she is stunned everybody tackle her and then shove a delicious cheeseburger down her throat.

It should be noted I'm not a trained mental health professional.

[girl68]

At least I laughed. She's hopeless.

[LailaK]

I like your style dewilliams