no relationship = no sex

[dewilliams2]

I have to agree with girl68 on this one...its one thing to step back for awhile to get yourself straight and figure yourself out...that isn't a problem.

But to say that you know your relationship is going to fail without even starting one is just giving up. I mean I have had a few failed relationships myself and I wouldn't trade them for no relationships. I have learned many things from them and I look back on them and I have a lot of good memories and experiences...those failed relationships have made me a better man.

As I said if you need some time then take some time and don't worry about it or worry about not having sex if sex outside of a relationship doesn't work for you...no worries there. But don't give up all together on relationships...your just gonna miss out on a lot of happiness even if in the end you get hurt...the pain goes away but you will always smile when you think about all the good things and great memories.

[MetalPhoenix]

You're giving up. You're just trying to claim you're not using all these pitiful excuses. Alright, so you're petrified of rejection, join the club.

I didn't know what love before I had it yet I still chased it. I got hurt. Rejected, dumped, cheated, used, abused you name it. Getting hurt was all worth it when I found the right guy.

But since you claim that you don't know what love it you will die a lonley and likely bitter man. By the way the more you get hurt, rejected and all that fun stuff the easier it becomes to get over it, learn to deal with it, and cope with it better. You get hurt before you even truely love and you throw the whole idea out the window.

What excuses?

- Trying to find love will hurt.
- I've only scratched the surface of a relationship. Ending that hurt, but ending a real relationship will hurt even more
- No girl has ever really liked me.
- I am always "just a good friend". Maybe even one's best friend, but it'll stop there

Why would you assume I'm going to die lonely and bitter. I still have friends and a passion for motorcycles where I can put a lot of time en energy in. I am truly happy when I'm riding. One of the best feelings I know is driving along a twisty road in the mountains, getting my knee down, feel the asphalt scrape, setting the bike upright again and lining up for the next corner to do it all over again.
Even talking about it makes me happy.

What law dictates that one should be in a relationship to be happy? I agree with you when you say that you get better in dealing with disappointment, the more you encounter it. But what's wrong with wanting to be single?

[MetalPhoenix]

I have to agree with girl68 on this one...its one thing to step back for awhile to get yourself straight and figure yourself out...that isn't a problem.

But to say that you know your relationship is going to fail without even starting one is just giving up. I mean I have had a few failed relationships myself and I wouldn't trade them for no relationships. I have learned many things from them and I look back on them and I have a lot of good memories and experiences...those failed relationships have made me a better man.

As I said if you need some time then take some time and don't worry about it or worry about not having sex if sex outside of a relationship doesn't work for you...no worries there. But don't give up all together on relationships...your just gonna miss out on a lot of happiness even if in the end you get hurt...the pain goes away but you will always smile when you think about all the good things and great memories.

Because you know what it is like to be in one
Knowing what something good feels like, makes you long back for it.

And once again: What I had with my last 'relationship' was great, but the misery outweighs the joy

[IndiReloaded]

Its a phase. Its really just the opposite side of the coin to one night stands.

You want to find someplace in the middle. Sounds like you've been hurt, but thing about pain is its a sign you are alive. Don't avoid it beyond what is reasonable.

Otherwise, carry on. Personally, I think sex for its own sake without feelings for your partner is a bit mindless.

[Asip4u]

Metal, what kind of friends do you have? I am just wondering because i use to be similar that way in terms of giving up on relationships and all. The thing i noticed is that people around me were very negative and i started being that way too. If you start hanging out with a crowd that is more positive trust me it will change you. Go out, have fun and even if you don't look for something good, it will find you.

[MetalPhoenix]

Metal, what kind of friends do you have? I am just wondering because i use to be similar that way in terms of giving up on relationships and all. The thing i noticed is that people around me were very negative and i started being that way too. If you start hanging out with a crowd that is more positive trust me it will change you. Go out, have fun and even if you don't look for something good, it will find you.

I have quite positive friends. A lot of them in a happy relationship.

I don't go out though, because there is no place I'd like to go. In my free time I go riding and meeting with my friends (also bikers).
But besides that there's not much I do...I go to school, I have a part-time job in the evenings, I work out twice a week (together with a good friend of mine). And that's pretty much it

I don't have much places to go

[irrelevant_89]

I'm with you Phoenix. Although I'm not sure you have enough data to decide if you want to be in a relationship or not, if you're happy like this it's great.

I mean, for most people out their main "raison d'être" is to eventually have a family, kids, etc. It's a life goal like any other, and an essential one, but it doesn't have to be EVERYONE's life goal. Although I long for a relationship of some sort myself (mostly because of hormones: I'm a loner at heart - that showed when I was a kid and it probably will come back when I'm older), I can't imagine sharing everything in my life with someone, or even be with her for too much time. I imagine I'd get exhausted and want to be alone pretty soon. My life goal is physics, and that's why I'm putting my efforts on.

My opinion might change if I meet someone worthwhile, but I'm not too worried that it won't happen. If it doesn't, tough luck. Plus, I hated the way my head got all messed up because of the non-girl thing. It got me all depressed and screwed up my exams, possibly costing me a great abroad studying opportunity. It can't happen again.

Plus, that idea that you have to lose your virginity until a certain age (what, 25?) or you won't ever lose it has to be bulls*it. A real woman that isn't a shallow dumbhead and really likes you will see past that issue.

And, of course, mindless sex is mindless and just a degrading experience. Not worth it. We've got a right hand for something.

[dewilliams2]

I guess I look at it like this. Yea there may be some pain involved but there is so much more good that comes out of most relationships and lessons to be learned. I am a better man for the mistakes I have made in the past. Many of the women of my past have taught me so much about myself and so much about women. That means when I do finally meet the right one I will be better for her.

But a little analogy, I love football (American). I watch every game I can, I play madden, and fantasy football (yea I'm that nerd).... I played it in high school and one year of college. The reason I only played one year was because I couldn't stay healthy. I am 23 years old and have totally blown a knee already and have had 2 surgeries on it. I wake up everyday and it is stiff and sore...but I loved to play and if I could I still would be playing...my point is that even though I wake up everyday and hurt my memories of football are not having me knee crushed but when my high school won county and my first college game when the stadium was rockin and I could hardly hear myself speak, all my teammates and how much fun we had...I miss and remember the good things even though there is pain involved.

It is the same with my past relationships....maybe I'm just a glass half full kind of guy but that is what I believe to be the healthiest way to look at that.

If you avoid things because you might get hurt then your avoiding life and the opportunity for great moment.

[LailaK]

I haven't had a serious relationship in 35 months. During that time I've been celibate. I get a lot of crap from my girl/guy friends but my best friend (who is a 24 year old virgin) understands me completely.

I don't take sex lightly and don't wish to share my body with someone who doesn't deserve/hasn't earned my love. That's perfectly normal. Does it make me a prude? No, I love sex and can't wait to have it again... with someone I'm in love with. Nothing wrong with that. One of my guy friends offered to "help me out with my drought" then accused me of not wanting sex and being "dried up" when I told him no. My response is that yea, I'm horny and I think about sex everyday but I think about how much I respect myself and my future partner more.

Don't let what other people have to say affect what you know is right for you.

[MetalPhoenix]

What some of you seem to overlook is that I have never had a true relationship, so the faith that it will be this magical experience that will take away your misery had long passed for me.

I know it can be fantastic. Friends around me are in all sorts of relationships and they are all very happy. So I cannot deny that it is a great experience and that it will better your life.
But getting your heart broken every time you try and getting almost nothing back for it makes it very difficult to want to keep going.

I'm pretty happy where I am now. I'm doing pretty good in school and I like the stuff I learn. I'm very motivated to get a nice job, look for a house and settle down.
Where or when was it ever decided that one should be with someone else in order to be truly happy....

It's almost like religion: "you can't be happy without it".
Bullcrap: I'm an atheist and I am happy. I am single and I am happy.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm an atheist and I am happy. I am single and I am happy.

So, what is your issue here? Your happy, right? Cool.

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

[Mish]

It's almost like religion: "you can't be happy without it".
Bullcrap: I'm an atheist and I am happy. I am single and I am happy.

Good for you. Don't listen to those who tell you that you must have sex and go through relationships like knife through butter in order to be happy.

Though, at the same time don't use this to limit yourself. When you see an opportunity with someone interesting go for it, don't hold back.

[MetalPhoenix]

So, what is your issue here? Your happy, right? Cool.

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

It's an answer to previous responses. People seem to think that only people in a relationship can be truly happy.

It's not meant as a protest. I'm just answering question (allthough it has gone a bit off-topic )

Good for you. Don't listen to those who tell you that you must have sex and go through relationships like knife through butter in order to be happy.

Though, at the same time don't use this to limit yourself. When you see an opportunity with someone interesting go for it, don't hold back.

The whole point of wanting to be single is holding back
I've made the decision only recently, so every now and then it can be difficult, but I'm getting there

[Mish]

The whole point of wanting to be single is holding back
I've made the decision only recently, so every now and then it can be difficult, but I'm getting there

But you are only single until you find the right person to be in a relationship with right?

[MetalPhoenix]

But you are only single until you find the right person to be in a relationship with right?

No
I don't want to go through all that crap of trying to get involved with someone. It has lead me to to much misery.

I might miss an opportunity to become happier, but I don't care. Sometimes you've got to be happy with what you've got