She breaking up with me tonight?

[IndiReloaded]

Your GF sounds awful. I think your mom knows this and is just trying to protect you.

Don't give her the satisfaction of dumping you. Get rid of her first.

[Charlie Boy II]

you need to grow some balls. You do sound way too needy, I'm sorry that was pathetic on your behalf. Your girlfriend will probably break up with you, and honestly I don'y blame her.

[TheTooya]

Your GF sounds awful. I think your mom knows this and is just trying to protect you.

Don't give her the satisfaction of dumping you. Get rid of her first.

As much as I appreciate the blunt advice, its kind of hard to let go of someone that I have spent so much time and energy with...

Well, we'll see what happens tonight...

[TheTooya]

you need to grow some balls. You do sound way too needy, I'm sorry that was pathetic on your behalf.

Mind telling me what was pathetic?

and honestly I don'y blame her.

And honestly screw you too <_<

[TheTooya]

Ok, I'm peacing out. Leaving the office to go home and have our talk when I get back home. Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice... we'll see what happens...

[IndiReloaded]

As much as I appreciate the blunt advice, its kind of hard to let go of someone that I have spent so much time and energy with...

Well, we'll see what happens tonight...

I know it is. If we could always be rational about emotional situations this forum and marriage counsellors wouldn't exist. LOL. I just wanted you to know how things probably look from your parent's perspective, who will always have your best interests at heart. Keep your chin up, whatever happens.

[Mish]

So my question... is this her breaking up with me tonight prob? I have been on the giving end, not the receiving.... should I expect the worst? :/

girlfriend 12:53 pm
g2g dont call or txt me

TheTooya 12:53 pm
ok
love you

girlfriend 12:53 pm
ever

TheTooya 12:53 pm
bb xoxo

girlfriend 12:53 pm
STOP
jesus christ
you're stupid
christ
you're too needy
and annoying me

TheTooya 12:55 pm
im sorry, I'll talk to you when you get off work

girlfriend 12:55 pm
no i mean
in general

I'm sorry to say this, but it doesn't sound very promising for you.

A general consensus in this thread is that your gf is immature and is disrespectful to you and I agree with this. However this conversation does not draw you in a very good light either. The impression it gives is of someone who is needy, clingy and insecure. It seems like you are constantly asking for her approval of you and you are clinging constantly to her positive affirmation (The evidence for this is in the conversation - 10 minutes of I love yous and I miss yous before you can hang up the phone? "I love you" for every time you anticipate a negative response?). It gives an impression of someone who is not just very sappy, but someone who is not very self confident and not very secure in own skin. I think in some ways it is understandable that she might be tired of this. Not to say that her approach is okay or excusable, but that she is not completely demented and it is at least understandable where she is coming from.

Personally I think that you are a nice guy and it's unfortunate that this had to happen to you. If the break up does happen then take it in your stride. Find a girl who is more compatible to you and for the future try to find a way to seek less approval from women and be more confident. You don't need to say these many I love yous to feel safe in the relationship and for women to reciprocate. Granted you are only 21 and I dare say that most of us have been sappy and clingy when we were younger, so it's not like there's something wrong with you (don't take it the wrong way). Just be aware of this for the future. I'm not saying this to make fun of you or to make you feel bad, but to help you and see you get better at this in the future.

[TheTooya]

Thanks Mish,

Yea I know I have my faults, I acted the same with my ex... but I ended up breaking up that time (thanks to advice from this forum actually... lol)

I think I've just resided in thinking... if we don't break up, great, but we have some problems we need to work out... if we do break up, then I'll make the best of it and improve for the future :/

Well, no call yet, I'm going to just chill, try out Dragon Age, and just lay back for a bit.... maybe invest some time in learning how to be less of a push over ( Not sure how.... but its definitely a problem.)

[Cain]

You know how to be less of a pushover? Break up with this bitch and go out. Date around. Get laid. Be single. It's the best way to learn from your mistakes and develop into the type of man that women actually want. From the looks of your conversation with here I can see that she's in control. She wears the pants. What she says goes and you don't challenge her. Women don't want that. Women want to be put in their place. If I acted the way you did then my gf would have broken up with me months ago. I won't offer suggestions on how to save this relationship because you shouldn't be in it. Even if your gf was feeling this way then she should have found a better way of telling you without acting like such a cunt.

[TheTooya]

Oh I challenge her... I have just... slipped into stopping from challenging her... It really confuses the **** out of me.

I started off acting like a pushover, just because I naturally acted like that. She didnt like it, and so we agree'd I would stop. ... So... I did change, and didn't put up with her shit...argueing with her when I disagreed, all the fun stuff.. All that resulted in was her crying in the corner (and me feeling like a complete dick). It comes and it goes with her... still waiting for that call.....

[IndiReloaded]

Caaaaiiiinnnn!!

Is it me, or is your sig quote getting smaller. Does that mean you don't believe it as much anymore?

[TheTooya]

Heh, I remember the last time I was having a serious problem, both Indie and Cain were there :p

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/23698-so-i-am-breaking-up-her.html[/url]

[Mish]

I started off acting like a pushover, just because I naturally acted like that. She didnt like it, and so we agree'd I would stop. ... So... I did change, and didn't put up with her shit...argueing with her when I disagreed, all the fun stuff.. All that resulted in was her crying in the corner (and me feeling like a complete dick). It comes and it goes with her... still waiting for that call.....

I think there is some confusion here. I don't think the real problem is that you are a push over (and thus the solution is to fight her and make her cry). I think the real problem is that you are being overly clingy, insecure and needy. I think there is a big difference. Because if you want to change your first step is not to fight her, but to stop being overly reliant on her reciprocation. Because every time you say I love you (10 times) or send an equivalent number of messages it really speaks that you are desperate to hear those things from her in reply and I imagine she is growing tired of this. So you first step is to stop this. This doesn't mean that you have to do a 180 degree turn and be rude to her, fight her and insult her. It means that you stop demanding she reciprocates your "I loves yous" and that you don't try to subvert a debate over an issue with these. You can stand your ground without being insulting or mean. When standing your ground you can be caring and fair, but at the same time firm on your position. Look for alternatives, understand her decisions and points of view and at the same time not allow yourself to be insulted. This is the direction you should be moving towards and when you do you will find that everything will suddenly become a lot easier for you.

[TheTooya]

The odd thing is.. sometimes she loves the attention, getting upset that I didn't say "I love you" or "I miss you" before hanging up, and other times... like now, she doesnt want to deal with it and is stressed with work.

Idk, I need to stop being clingy/needy is probably the most important part... and yes, I did stand my ground without being mean before... she just didnt like the change (that I wasn't just accepting that she was right when she wasnt...)

[Mish]

The odd thing is.. sometimes she loves the attention, getting upset that I didn't say "I love you" or "I miss you" before hanging up, and other times... like now, she doesnt want to deal with it and is stressed with work.

Some of this depends on the context. Sometimes it's good to say it when the timing is right and some degree of sensitivity is needed to know when it's right to say it and when it's not. For example when she's on offensive saying that the two of you need to talk and she's in a rush, it might be best to hold back and agree with her with a short "ok". When she is looking for support and you feel like the two of you are on the same page it might be good to say it for reassurance. Use your intuition to work out the appropriateness and be aware of importance of the timing of when it's right and when it's not.

Idk, I need to stop being clingy/needy is probably the most important part... and yes, I did stand my ground without being mean before... she just didnt like the change (that I wasn't just accepting that she was right when she wasnt...)

Yes to the first part. To the second part, try to use some personal appeal if necessary. In hindsight it might not have been a good idea to tell her about your mum's opinion of her, this was bound to create a conflict between the two of them. Now there is bad blood between them and your gf is arrogantly asking the unthinkable. Keep with her, understand her position and point of view and then gently try to put her into your shoes to see the absurdity of what she is asking. All of this sounds good in theory, in practice however she just may not be right for you and you should always be aware of the fact that there are certain principles of which you can't let go and if she can't accept that then it's best to part for the two of you. This is what it means to be less needy and insecure that you accept your position and your principles and accept the consequences as they come, sometimes certain decisions will have to lead you towards separation and you need to be accepting of that and ready to let go if necessary. But it's not always necessary and you should be ready and confident in using all of the tools at your disposal.