Crippling insecurity

[DDD]

(I'm really walking on eggshells when I talk to her - she's easily set-off)

She said, "Fine, good luck with your life. Hope you're happy getting rid of me again," and hung up.

Mate this will only get worse if you two are married. She is an emotional train wreck and this will only destroy you inside if you settle down with her. REMEMBER... It's not your job to control other people's emotions. You can't control her emotional earthquakes. Further more, when you come home after work the last thing you want is to feel like you're walking on eggs shells. I had a wife that was very insecure and it doesnt make her a bad person, it just makes it impossible to live with her and happy. I still love her but I wasn't in love with her because of it. I think you need to sit her down and shoot her straight... "Look I really like you but your insecurities are unattractive and destroying anything that we have" You know she will deny her insecurites and it's not your job to convince her but if you lay it all out on the line, you can then move on to a woman who is right for you. Good Luck. :-)

[Frankston]

I swing from being angry at her to feeling sorry for her. She manipulates me, or at least attempts to. When I don't indulge her, she stops acting up. But the way in which she frames situations and twists my words really pushes my buttons! But more importantly, it fuels her anger; she chooses to be upset. That is the most maddening thing.

[Frankston]

Just to conclude things, have a look at these mails. Jesus, so messed up. For the record, I do not have any sex videos or naked pics of any ex:

From: ********@hotmail.com
To: [email]frankston@hotmail.com[/email]
Subject: FW:
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2010 17:17:44 +0000


oh anyway u say i need help .. i thought u mean ur self who 's more concern between u and me ? u have loads of ur ex gf with bra and almost see boobs.. i guess i missed that im pretty sure u have naked or amybe sex cam with ur exgirl ... u completely need help not me... u sick and nasty ...

From: ******l@hotmail.com
To: [email]frankston@hotmail.com[/email]
Subject: RE:
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2010 16:59:00 +0000

im fine. u just don't want me to hate u but u know i do alreday... u try to say im lunatic and need help .. im fine and cuz u don't want to take respeonsible to give me so much pain from fact that u never leave ur ex gf things anywhere and bring to this relationship ****ing mention almost the time ... i don;t want ur sympathy . ur kindness ur genereous . stop make sound like u love me when actually u just have lied to all the time... it doesn't matter u do . kiss me more or wash my clothes or massage more whatver u do i don;t want if comepare just u have completely me which is u haven't done with me and u would never can from i see.. so i don't think u can do anything make girl can happy if u still love ur ex. and can't leave her things when i completly clear myself since first day i knew u .. anyway u can critizied me in anyway to make ur self happy and feel good .. u great im lunatic .. go ahead .. but i don't need ur help or get any message from u ... it's none of ur business to care anymore .. u never my bf .. u liar ... leave me alone don't write anythung to me EVER AGAIN ... hope u understand!!!

From: [email]frankston@hotmail.com[/email]
To: ********@hotmail.com
Subject:
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2010 15:16:17 +0000

Back in July, and most of August, I had such a huge passion for you. You dominated my thoughts and I was so damn happy to have found someone that I wanted completely. Despite what you assert, I came to you clean where women are concerned. I was not in love with anyone else when we began. I was ready to begin something new.

And then, after a short while, you displayed the kind of toxic, crippling insecurity that is anathema to any relationship. It broke my heart when I saw it, because I knew it would destroy the happiness I had found. Towards the end it made me desperate and angry and finally....it won and I lost.

Old photos, old partners, an innocent question about losing your virginity; these things should not matter. You have old photos and stories too. Of course you do. There's nothing wrong with it.

I ask myself, did I not give her enough love? If I had kissed you more, or bought you more things, or massaged your feet a few more times, or washed your clothes more often, would it have helped?

No. Because you are not well. And I need to keep reminding myself of that fact. You are very twisted and you manipulate things to cause the maximum pain....to yourself! Only someone with deep-seated issues fails to be consoled by a genuine explanation and a huge dose of reassurance and love.

Get some kind of help, Nit, because what I've seen and heard from you is actually pretty frightening. It is also upsetting, alarming, and in the end, maddening. I could not deal with it. These psychotic episodes are extremely disturbing. I really hope that you can sort yourself out.

I'm so sorry for any hurt I caused you. I hope you know already that that was never, ever my intention. I just wanted to have a loving relationship with my little girl who I adored.

You stay healthy and look after yourself. Again, as I said on Sunday, the very best of luck and love to you. I hope you can be at peace sooner rather than later.

[RdHrshyKss]

crazy...i can't even understand a single thing she is trying to say in her responses. quick question though...what instigated you e-mailing her yesterday? it would probably be best to cut all contact and not talk to her again.

[Frankston]

She is Thai and English is her second language. But yeah, even if you go through it carefully, it's just angry, twisted shit. She's now convinced herself that I spent the entire time thinking about my ex. It's simply not true.

I feel really burnt out by all this. There's been no communication since the 7th; I've deleted her number, and I just need to try and forget the whole sorry affair.

[RdHrshyKss]

ok, well i think you know what you have to do at this point. her view of herself and the situation is pretty warped, and beyond any repair. best if you just move on and leave it in the past. she'll forget about it when she finds the next sucker to deal with her shit.

[Frankston]

the next sucker to deal with her shit.

I think Mr. T said it best...

[girl68]

Everyones right crazy bitch. Sorry man.

[Frankston]

I keep chewing over her words, though, cos I do take things to heart. I'm nasty and sick?! She hates me??! I lied to her the whole time? Madness.

It's hard to accept that this is the same person who told me so many wonderful things not so long ago.

However I think I know why she is the way she is:

"My mum used to dress me up like a doll when I was a kid, and I didn't really like it. I felt uncomfortable in the clothes."

"My mum and I had our noses done at the same time...I think it was her idea."

"My dad actually told me he loved me when he called on my birthday last week. He's never really said that before."

"My dad never really listens to my opinion. He just thinks he's right and everyone else is wrong."

"My American ex came down to meet my parents. You know that it's a big deal in Thailand, right? So he actually stayed the night in a hotel just down the road....and later on I found out that he slept with someone else that night."

"When I was about 20 I had this Thai boyfriend, and I found out that I was one of three. I actually had this girl call me and ask me who the hell I was!"

It seems pretty friggin obvious where the source of her anger and frustration is.

[girl68]

so? it's ain't your job to take HER shit.