she's a sleaze!

[Paperclip]

I'm Australian and still think you will not be able to resolve such differing ideals. Why force a square peg into a round hole when there are a million round pegs out there? Is it that hard for you to find a girlfriend that you need to cling to somebody who isn't right for you?

What is wrong with your views on sex? Nothing! What is wrong with her views on sex? Nothing! They are just different and incompatible. You seem to think everybody should hold your view of sex but newsflash, they don't. You come across as an ignorant country bumpkin when you keep trying to tell everyone how they 'should' feel and act in regards to sex. Your beliefs are fine, pushing them onto everyone else is not.

[feelslikeido]

yeah i see your point but there's only one other person who i want to understand me and my views:my girlfriend. if she can understand where i'm coming from then she can be more sensitive toward the issue and it will never again be a problem. it's like when i was paying out a certain type of worker to two friends, only to find out that both of fathers worked in that profession - massive social gaff!! but once i had a little more awareness i could be FAR more considerate and hold my views to myself.. this caused far less friction and i didn'toffend any one..

she knows how i feel about chatting mindlessly about sex non-stop, but she doesn't stop talking about it.

further, when she had problems with me being prejudice, i made a conscious effort to shut the hell up whenever i wanted to say something that I knew would aggrivate her.

isn't it completely normal for couples to have differences like this? that's why i'm trying to resolve it. i'm not 11 years old i'm ready to try to make things work...

[sweetkissesforu]

yep. this is exactly what she argues.. you guys don't get what I'm talking about AT ALL....

i, more than anyone else, appreciate girl who's a bomb in bed.period. but i like a girl to have some taste and class outside of the bedroom. just so that my friends (and her friends) respect her.. casually joking about anal and the ramant change-room-sex we had last week is just a bit much for me to handle, especially when she brings that up at dinner with friends or around my mum and sisters...

maybe i am a bit reserved, but is a little privacy too much to ask?

i agree with u there are times when this is ok maybe when its you

[feelslikeido]

I tell ya what you do, FWB.....that is all.

i thought about it a while ago but it's not going to work here.. thanx for the suggestion though nice to hear from a problem-solver rather than a quitter!

[Take2]

feelslikeido, I am with you 100% in that my ideal is just like yours. I personally like to be demure in public and save the sexual for more private times. But why are you so adamant that you are not old-fashioned? Or that your way is the only right way? I am personally like you in this regard...so I make sure I date people who feel the same way! Some people think that is classy and a good thing, some think it is prudish and a bad thing. I need someone who is on the same page. So do you.

The thing is, you can't argue to the people here that she owes you a change because of what you have changed. At the end of the day, this is either something she is willing to adjust because she cares about you...or it isn't. This is either something you are willing to accept because you care about her...or it isn't. If she won't change and you won't accept it, no message board can help you. The third option is to end it and find a new mate. Working it out would obviously be preferable, but your OP sounded like you asked her to change and she didn't, you aren't willing to accept her current behavior. So people suggested option 3 because that was all that was left. If you talked to her again and she said she would adjust, I hope that works out for you. But if it doesn't, you probably need to be aware that this is a crucial preference for you when you choose future partners.

[Lovable]

Yeah you really are a great catch, calling your girlfriend a sleaze to her face. Makes me think what else you do to her??

If you have talked to her countless times & she hasn't changed or seen your point in not wanting to talk about sex constantly, then where else is there to go? How many more times are you going to try to talk some "sense" in to her? How much more "bored" are you going to be with her outside of the bedroom?

Why is everything have to be YOUR WAY?? Relationships are about give & take, not all 1 sided taking while the other is slowly giving up WHO/WHAT they are all about.

[doppelgaenger]

i like her a LOT! she's got a lot of great qualities... but.... she's a SLEAZE!

I've been seeing her for 4 months now.. in bed things couldn't be better.. but i'm getting really bored of her outside of the bedroom

any insights?

You are what you eat.

[Kaius]

can you read? I said in the first line of this thread that she's got a lot of great qualities (non-sexual). I'd add that we have a lot in common and we get along like a house on fire 99% of the time. It's just this one thing about her that I don't appreciate and which bothers me.

If you can't respect her, you shouldn't be with her. No amount of hot sex is worth it.

[feelslikeido]

calling your girlfriend a sleaze to her face.

Why is everything have to be YOUR WAY?? Relationships are about give & take.

..firstly, if someone does something that bothers you, you have two options: i) say nothing. ii) say something and try to change things. I was simply goingfor the latter option - the most proactive and sensible one. that's why i said she was being a sleaze. as far as i'm concerned she can have whatever she wants in the privacy of her own home (so long as she doesn't hurt anyone or break any laws - that should be obvious), but i just don't want her discussing our sex life with every tom, dick and harry. are you serious about this? that a partner can't expect some privacy these days? wow, i must be old-fashioned.

..again you are another one who can't seem to read. i said i'd made changes for her (I used to have no career ambitions, she said that was important to her, so I adjusted my life a bit to make us more compatible - it really worked). so if it's really about give and take, then where's the give? huh?...

my guess is you don't have a clue "lovable" you're just on a "stand up for the sleaze" rant... yayaya..

[feelslikeido]

You are what you eat.

dude, you on crack by any chance?

[Take2]

..again you are another one who can't seem to read. i said i'd made changes for her (I used to have no career ambitions, she said that was important to her, so I adjusted my life a bit to make us more compatible - it really worked). so if it's really about give and take, then where's the give? huh?...

Seriously? What difference does it make in your relationship that you have decided that X,Y and Z actions you have done for your gal entitle you to A.B and C actions on her part? You need to do what you feel is right, ask for what you need or want from her, and then decide if you can accept what she is willing to give. You don't get to decide that she has to do anything because she owes you for what you have done. That just isn't how it works.

[feelslikeido]

Seriously? What difference does it make in your relationship that you have decided that X,Y and Z actions you have done for your gal

well.... if you do a lot for someone it's nice if it's a two way street..

"lovable" said a relationship is about give and take and i tend to agree. according to you it's all about giving and expecting nothing back.

[Take2]

That is not what I said, nor what I meant. But I think mature relationships recognize that give and take does NOT mean expecting a leopard to change his spots. I am always on time, everywhere I go. It feels disrespectful to me when my mate is late. Since that is crucial to me, I had better choose a mate who is either punctual or willing to be punctual as part of the give and take of our relationship. Choosing someone who is always late and doesn't care to change that and then getting pissy about it is a waste of my time.

I absolutely expect to give as well as receive in a relationship. But you are acting like you get to decide what you choose to give AND what she needs to give in return. Why are you in charge of both sides of that transaction?

[Lovable]

..firstly, if someone does something that bothers you, you have two options: i) say nothing. ii) say something and try to change things. I was simply goingfor the latter option - the most proactive and sensible one. that's why i said she was being a sleaze. as far as i'm concerned she can have whatever she wants in the privacy of her own home (so long as she doesn't hurt anyone or break any laws - that should be obvious), but i just don't want her discussing our sex life with every tom, dick and harry. are you serious about this? that a partner can't expect some privacy these days? wow, i must be old-fashioned.

..again you are another one who can't seem to read. i said i'd made changes for her (I used to have no career ambitions, she said that was important to her, so I adjusted my life a bit to make us more compatible - it really worked). so if it's really about give and take, then where's the give? huh?...

my guess is you don't have a clue "lovable" you're just on a "stand up for the sleaze" rant... yayaya..

My guess for you is your a complete & total control freak & your girlfriend should run the hell away from you.

I also said, if you have talked to her about changing up a bit on the sexual stuff until you are blue in the face & she still hasn't stopped. WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO OR SAY TO THIS GIRL?!?!?!? What possibly can you do or say that will make her change her ways up a bit more so she's not such a "sleaze" out in front of your friends so that YOU won't feel embarassed???

Questions for you...

When she talks about sexual stuff in front of friends, what are their reactions? Do they laugh along with a lets say a dirty joke or 2? Do they get embarassed when she talks about your sex life to them?

[doppelgaenger]

dude, you on crack by any chance?

You're the one sleeping with her, you slutty bastard.