Issues with gf's past

[Easy12]

Sorry, but BS. I have dated guys who come from non-western cultures. But every individual gets to choose to accept or reject the lessons of their culture. Particularly if they CHOOSE to live in a different culture. Holding women to a different standard of sexuality is archaic. You can either choose to continue to have a ridiculous ideal for tradition's sake and lose this wonderful mate you have found or you can work to adjust your attitudes. That is the nature of the world. And actually, I don't think sexually liberated women get mad at guys like you, we just choose different guys.

Its not bs, as not a single child in the world can escape the social conditioning they are exposed to in their childhood and formative years. Double standards are very much a part of the world and even exists strongly in Western cultures as well, only difference is that the West experienced a powerful social liberation in the 60's and 70's that loosened up the idea of traditional gender norms. To say they are archaic though is false because they exists still throughout the whole world including the west.

I dont think I am wrong in judging a girl for her sexual history. All people are judgmental and just as I and many men judge a woman for her sexual promiscuity there are just as many women who will do the same, as there are just as many women who wil criticize us for holding these standards. Look else where if you can, not to sound cocky or anything like that, but if you had me I think you find it incredibly difficult to turn away.

As I stated in a post above, in all relationships you have to take the good with the bad and for me her positives heavily outweigh her negatives. I am willing to overlook flaws in her character that dont sit well with me just as she has with me. This is a relationship that I feel positively about and I just wanted to get others take on it to see if other men have had similar problems. Ive never been with a girl like her before so its something new and unexpected but I invite it and hope to build myself as a person through this with her.

[Emerald_Dreams]

Easy12, just give up, bro.

Women will always find a reason to complain, insult you, or tell you you're wrong anytime you judge a woman for anything. You're free to judge anyone based on any criterion you decide to judge them based on.

It's YOUR life and YOUR happiness. Do not sacrifice it for anyone. Especially for people who don't have your best interests in mind.

[Easy12]

Glad you laughing
OP- you were the idiot that slept with her the first night, if putting out on the first night was a big a problem as you're making it you should have not seen her again after that night, you did- your fault.

I dont understand the need for insults to be thrown around. This is a forum where people come to discuss issues regarding their relationships and varying opinions and outlooks are bound to conflict, it doesnt permit name calling though. Are you in capable of holding dialogue in a mature manner without resorting to childish abuse? If not then dont bother responding. I haven't attacked anyone and have been respectful in my responses, so I demand the same in return regardless of differences.

To answer your question, its not necessarily a problem because as I stated in a previous post we hit it off and the chemistry was immediate. There is no need to wait for sexual relations in cases like that, my problem lies in situations where it is the exact opposite. If there is nothing between a male and a female other than raging sexual urges, how the woman deals with the male, whom she has little connection with, sexual advances is telling of her sexual profile imo.

[Easy12]

Easy12, just give up, bro.

Women will always find a reason to complain, insult you, or tell you you're wrong anytime you judge a woman for anything. You're free to judge anyone based on any criterion you decide to judge them based on.

It's YOUR life and YOUR happiness. Do not sacrifice it for anyone. Especially for people who don't have your best interests in mind.

Its not a matter of giving up or not, this is a forum where people come to hold discussion and I wanted to see peoples take on the matter. Thank you for the replies everyone, its helped me in some ways see the perspective of others.

[girl68]

Pretty sure I didn't "insult" you in my last post. But if you took offense, oh well. That said... Easy12 and Emerald, you two will now be BFF's glad you found such a match.

[Emerald_Dreams]

I didn't insult anyone. I'm just mocking girl68 since she thinks she's a "big deal" because of her post count. Is there anything more trivial to boast about? Also she's telling you that you "won't last long here, son". Very condescending.

Guess she can dish it out, but she can't take it.

[SelflessnHumble]

Its not bs, as not a single child in the world can escape the social conditioning they are exposed to in their childhood and formative years. Double standards are very much a part of the world and even exists strongly in Western cultures as well, only difference is that the West experienced a powerful social liberation in the 60's and 70's that loosened up the idea of traditional gender norms. To say they are archaic though is false because they exists still throughout the whole world including the west.

The environment *can* program a child, sure...
In the end: it is the CHILD who can CHOOSE to accept, or reject it: (1st hand experience of this fact)
Now that you are no longer a child...What is your excuse for allowing this programing to continue its purpose?

I dont think I am wrong in judging a girl for her sexual history. All people are judgmental and just as I and many men judge a woman for her sexual promiscuity there are just as many women who will do the same, as there are just as many women who wil criticize us for holding these standards. Look else where if you can, not to sound cocky or anything like that, but if you had me I think you find it incredibly difficult to turn away.

As a matter of fact Easy12...you are RIGHT in judging a girl for her sexual history. Why?
You are entitled to be a narrow-minded and shallow/insecure bigot just as many other people are entitled to
be open minded, resolute and judge people based on their actions NOW, instead of yesterday...

Even worse: is that are able to judge HER actions, while you seemingly feel it's "cool" to have sex on the first
date/night tells me you're a slut all on your own. All people aren't judgmental. I'm not. If you fail to see a
simple observation doesn't denote a FINAL conclusion as a judgment exemplifies, then it is clear the two
are a contradiction of one another: they aren't the same. No one really cares what you look like and I find it
humorous you had to insert that superficial comment concerning your looks (as if it means something of value?) lol

As I stated in a post above, in all relationships you have to take the good with the bad and for me her positives heavily outweigh her negatives. I am willing to overlook flaws in her character that dont sit well with me just as she has with me. This is a relationship that I feel positively about and I just wanted to get others take on it to see if other men have had similar problems. Ive never been with a girl like her before so its something new and unexpected but I invite it and hope to build myself as a person through this with her.

What do you mean a girl like her?
You say you are God's gift to women...yet you aren't confident enough to date a woman
with sexual experiences that outnumber yours??? Your Insecurity is just seeping out isn't it?

[Emerald_Dreams]

You know what kinda blows my mind?

No one is really commenting on the issue of this girl's honesty.

She says one thing, but all the evidence points to the opposite.

Everyone is assuming that the OP is just insecure because she's had a lot of sex and completely missing the honesty aspect of it.

[SelflessnHumble]

You know what kinda blows my mind?

No one is really commenting on the issue of this girl's honesty.
She says one thing, but all the evidence points to the opposite.
Everyone is assuming that the OP is just insecure because she's had a lot of sex and completely missing the honesty aspect of it.

I have yet to see a post where the OP says she has been dishonest?
This is what he states about his cultural background:

It has nothing to do with confidence, but more so up bringing. I have been with plenty of girls and am competent in my sexual prowess, but when it comes to relationships I like to my women to be of certain value. My cultural background, like nearly all cultures outside the western sphere of influence, hold women to a certain standard in regards to their sexual relations. The way they match up to these standards reflects their value when it comes to choosing a lover. I know it angers many of the sexually liberated women of America, but that is just the nature of the world. Double standards will always exist for both men and women.

Being with "plenty of girls" is frowned upon in conservative cultures...Yet you are cool with it, just as long as
SHE doesn't have as many sexual partners/experiences as yourself? You are the classic guy! Men want
women who are somehow great lovers, lack (sexual) experiences, and want a woman to conform to HIS standard
based on his upbringing...K...What he doesn't seem to realize is that this will NOT happen!

Double standards exist in men who feel they are superior to women.
Double standards exist in women who feel they are able to be more emotional due to their construct (mental/physical)

He is the textbook poster child for hypocritical bullshit if I've ever seen.
Her being sexually uninhibited doesn't mean she's a liar, does it?

If you don't like a woman's sexual history: you have the gift of choosing NOT to get with that person.
I know many women who keep lube in their purses, few that keep dildos, so what? What they do BEFORE you come
into their life is NOT your BUSINESS!!! If you have to know what she's done: because your ego cannot handle an assertive
and sexually independent woman: get used to disappointment with either inexperienced virgins OR
insecure women with low self esteem for the rest of your life, pal.

[SelflessnHumble]

For me if a girl is promiscuous and has been with many guys outside of relationships, shes a slut. Im sorry if you deny the double standard but thats just how it is. It doesnt make me a slut for trying to sleep with a woman, thats the natural order of the male female relationship. Its a biological mechanism that makes it this way.

(1) Your bigotry is just an opinion: it isn't fact, k?
(2) No, it's not just how it is: MEN are too responsible for their actions...I'm too sorry, it's just the way it is.
(3) It makes you a man-whore for sleeping with the same amount of women, that a women has in men: which allows your hilarious point of view to flop.

There is no natural order, this isn't Salem, and we aren't burning women at the stake for being "witches."
You need to get outside and get some Vitamin D, bro...Times have changed, perhaps not in your culture, no problem...

Don't come to a current country that affords women the same opportunities as men.
You'll never get an erection with your insecure and contrived male bravado.

[Emerald_Dreams]

The problem lies in things that I know about her past that for some reason just get my mind racing and having me think that she isnt really the person Im dating.

She got out of a serious long term relationship about 1.5 years ago and I am the first guy she has dated seriosuly since then. We are both 22 so were are relatively young. In between me and her ex she told me she has only been with 2 guys which for me seems like she is lying. There are a few reasons why I think she is lyin, for one she put out the first night i was with her, 2nd she used to carry lube around in her purse, 3rd she is the type of girl who makes out with her best friend(regularly) and was even willing to part take in a threesome with her and her bf, she told me she had a couple one night stands(one being in the back seat of a car), and just today she told me she had lost her virginity at the age of 14. I dunno about you guys, but to me those are all signs of a slutty girl and for me its not really the type of person I want to move forward with regardless if its in the past or not.

You can't see how she's saying one thing, but all the evidence points to the other?

[Take2]

Look else where if you can, not to sound cocky or anything like that, but if you had me I think you find it incredibly difficult to turn away.

Are you serious? I actually laughed out loud when I read this.

But anyway, yeah, a CHILD has no choice but accept the conditioning of the culture the child is born into. At least until that child has rational thought, then the child may see that some of what is being taught doesn't resonate with the world as the child sees it. Certainly cultural predispositions are a piss-poor excuse past the age of 22 or so. Turn on your own brain, reject any lessons you were taught that don't make sense or add value to your life. Man up and stop being a puppet, dependant on your Mommy for moral guidance and understanding.

Look, I was raised with a cultural belief that sex is dirty and bad, that women should obey their men even if those men are alcoholic and abusive losers, that white people are superior and smarter and cleaner than other colors of people. All of that is BS, so I have spent my adolescence and adulthood actively rejecting it. How fortunate that I was born with a brain and free will, as were we all.

[SelflessnHumble]

You can't see how she's saying one thing, but all the evidence points to the other?

NO, your immaturity, insecurity and quick to judge point of view creates this illusion that she has lied.
A sexually open/promiscuous lifestyle does not, a liar make.

This isn't empirical evidence, this is circumstantial evidence: which doesn't hold up under close scrutiny.
We also see his naivety surrounding his own (poorly) established (and one-sided) cultural views concerning women.

Indicative of a person who is insecure, and controlling (so he doesn't have to face his issues) instead he puts it on her
and what she has *DONE* (not doing)

[Emerald_Dreams]

^No, you are the one who is insecure, and you are letting your past mental impurities impinge upon your present judgment in this time-space conjuncture. Remember, the Center is the One, let go of your PREconceptions so that you can CONCEIVE of the truth of One.

(Am I speaking your language now?)

[SelflessnHumble]

^No, you are the one who is insecure, and you are letting your past mental impurities impinge upon your present judgment in this time-space conjuncture. Remember, the Center is the One, let go of your PREconceptions so that you can CONCEIVE of the truth of One.

(Am I speaking your language now?)

I have no clue WTF you just said.
I'm very secure and I'm posting my advice based on experience(s) (you lack)
Only an asinine and inept soul such as yourself could construe my past mistakes as being here in the present/future.
I've learned from my mistakes BUT I am able to comprehend how the OP feels due to my past choices.

Please expound upon your assertion that I am insecure and suffer from mental impurities (now) please?
Then, cite examples of how these aforementioned accusatory labels (you've designated) impinge upon my present judgment, thank you.