At a crossroads with my partner of 2 years. Time to let go?

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I wish I could impart more than words to give you strength to do what you should. Sadly, so many women like you only learn by experience. In fact, its unusual to meet a woman who gets this intuitively rather than from hard experience. All I can wish is you learn quickly. Good luck.

[MerryH]

Sometimes i wish i could just move away

Do it, then.

[HereComesTheSun]

Well, I wish I could impart more than words to give you strength to do what you should. Sadly, so many women like you only learn by experience. In fact, its unusual to meet a woman who gets this intuitively rather than from hard experience. All I can wish is you learn quickly. Good luck.

I think im the problem here, i think im the one who feeds off it all. As much as i would just love him to behave appropriate and love me and treat me the way i dream about, i still sit back and take the sh*t from him. If he does something bad or hurt me emotionally/ physically, he just blames it on me, something iv done. Everything is always my fault. I sit there, hurt and dying inside while looking at him all smug.. And i am just screaming inside. HOW does he do this and is cool with it, does he not know how much i am hurting? Why? Why is he so selfish.. So many questions and i just frustrate myself to the point of wanting to hurt myself or him.
I dont dare get up and walk away from it, i dont want to argue against it. Because i just know he will act worse or leave me. And i just cannot bear it anymore..

I know this must frustrate people to listen, but i am coming here for advice from you guys, im sorry if i frustrate you.. but you are the only people i can turn to for help and advice, i cannot tell anybody else these things. I know you can only say so much to somebody.. but i want to get to the root of my problems.. Get out of this bullsh*t..
Why do i stick around? What is my problem? Is there somebody i can see about this? What can i do to help myself? Leaving him just doesnt seem to be an option, i cannot handle it. I fear the lonliness, the rejection everything about being without him. I cannot handle those feelings..
Maybe i am one of the people that attract this type of person. My last relationship i had wasnt too much better.. But nothing as brutally painful as this. If i am, what do i do ?

I know he is not going to commit, i know i want better in life. I know this relationship will never change. I dont know what i was thinking hoping for it to get better, last night was just a re-run of everything that ever happened with us.. I am sick to death..

MerryH, i dont feel i could move. I have NO money, i am a single mother. I just got an amazing job with amazing oppurtunities, i would be a fool to let this go.. Moving now is just out of the equation.

[IndiReloaded]

If you have a child in this environment you are past due to leave. For your child, if not for yourself. Family, friends? Stay with them for a while if you must.

[url=http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/leaving.php]Women's Web - Leaving an abusive relationship[/url]

[MerryH]

Is there somebody i can see about this?

Counselor. How does that work in England? Referral from your GP first? Maybe try calling that organization I linked before ([url=http://refuge.org.uk/]Refuge - Domestic Violence Help | Domestic Abuse Charity[/url]). They might not exactly fit your situation, but I would think they could point you in the right direction, at least.

MerryH, i dont feel i could move. I have NO money, i am a single mother. I just got an amazing job with amazing oppurtunities, i would be a fool to let this go.. Moving now is just out of the equation.

You're not living with him, right?

[HereComesTheSun]

No, im not living with him. I am back renting a room in my parents basement since we broke up the last time. My daughter is never around any of this at all. The only thing she is ever submitted to is my depression when he was gone, before any of this happened the reason i loved him so much is because they got along. She loved him, he was very accepting of her and our situation. Now that we have been seeing each other i decided that he wouldnt see her at all for now. If i ever see him he is around when she is in bed asleep.
I know how dysfunctional this is, it sounds crazy just reading it back..

I am from England, but i have moved to Canada to be around my parents now. So i have no idea how things work around here. If things cost money etc.. I can imagine counselling of some sort would be expensive here? If so, its not a choice.. I would love to be able to have counselling, somebody to talk to about this and my issues. Although i would feel silly going.. I feel embarrassed about it and they would probably just look at me like i am crazy.

I dont know.... I am so f*cking confused and frustrated with myself.. Leaving him just doesnt feel like an option.. I dont want to be sad anymore.. I am sick of feeling down. This is bad, but when he is gone.. I feel 100x worse.

[MerryH]

I can imagine counselling of some sort would be expensive here? If so, its not a choice.

It shouldn't take much to find out. Start making some phone calls/googling. Use your resources. Don't just say, "it's not a choice" and give up. Help yourself out.

Although i would feel silly going.. I feel embarrassed about it and they would probably just look at me like i am crazy.

Why should you feel silly going? Your problems are just as common and valid as anyone else's. They're not going to look at you like you're crazy. They've seen much crazier people than you. And you're not crazy anyway, you just have some things about yourself that you can improve. Like maybe your self-worth and independence. And strength to get out of a terrible relationship that you don't seem to want to be in.

[IndiReloaded]

If he's not the father and you aren't dependent on him then just stop all contact. Focus on your new job and child. It will hurt in the short term, but you will be better for it in the longterm. See a doc about antidepressant meds in the short term if you are really having trouble coping.