Can a nice kind guy go out with a girl that has been treat hadly by past boyfriends

[ConniptionFit]

"Experts" realize there are few absolutes and almost none when it comes to human psychology. At least the good ones do. Even scientists, who tend to be much more absolutist than others (ha), realize this..

There are no absolutes, but there are probabilities, some of which are much higher than others. Smart people make choices on those probabilities and stupid people ignore them.

HIA was explaining that your absolutist point of view isn't always correct. He gave his own example from his own experience, which has value. You should have just acknowledged your mistake instead of needing to assert your 'rightness' and insulting his relationship.

Actually, he confirmed it. Notice how he said they were both in therapy.

The issues that cause a woman to be in an abusive relationship don't just go away on their own.

[ConniptionFit]

Counsellors are entirely overrated, some are worse than useless, IMO. .

Speaking of clueless absolutes....

[MaidenMinx]

The healthier way is to choose a woman who does not have a need to sabotage things.

Sure. That is true. I personally have a tendency to be very self destructive. Now I'm about to marry the man I love and because of my want to not lose him I have managed to keep my ability to sabotage things in line. I'm 2 days from getting married and I haven't even had a Bridezilla moment! I'm very proud of me.

My point being, the right person can be a wonderful influence to become a better person yourself. (And let me just clarify here that I am not meaning changing for some one, I am talking about the support that can come from being loved 'warts and all' )

[ConniptionFit]

Sure. That is true. I personally have a tendency to be very self destructive. Now I'm about to marry the man I love and because of my want to not lose him I have managed to keep my ability to sabotage things in line. I'm 2 days from getting married and I haven't even had a Bridezilla moment! I'm very proud of me.

My point being, the right person can be a wonderful influence to become a better person yourself. (And let me just clarify here that I am not meaning changing for some one, I am talking about the support that can come from being loved 'warts and all' )

Great for you... personally, I'll take the woman who has dealt with those issues so that she not longer feels the urge to self-destruct over the woman who is doing it simply because she is afraid of losing me. I have a feeling the first women is much more likely to be able to go through life without our having to "deal with" her self-destructive urges than the second woman.

[MaidenMinx]

Really? Then you know very little about mental illness. Self destructive patterns are often linked to depression. For some, depression is a life long condition that is managed rather than cured. A woman that has had self destructive tendencies and says she is over them is in denial. A woman that can say she had had those problems and is constantly working to make them a non issue is as about as healthy as you can expect.

[ConniptionFit]

Really? Then you know very little about mental illness. Self destructive patterns are often linked to depression. For some, depression is a life long condition that is managed rather than cured. A woman that has had self destructive tendencies and says she is over them is in denial. A woman that can say she had had those problems and is constantly working to make them a non issue is as about as healthy as you can expect.

I didn't say over them, I said dealt with the specific issues. Self-sabotaging behaviors come from a variety of causes, of which depression is only one.

And woe to the guy who signs on knowingly to be with a woman who suffers from depression.... of course, more than likely, he has self-destructive tendencies of his own.

[IndiReloaded]

There are no absolutes, but there are probabilities, some of which are much higher than others. Smart people make choices on those probabilities and stupid people ignore them.

Actually, he confirmed it. Notice how he said they were both in therapy.

The issues that cause a woman to be in an abusive relationship don't just go away on their own.

Well, good I am glad you are admitting there are no absolutes. This is progress. I believe HIA's primary complaint was that you posted as if there was, particularly when he gave a direct example of a couple working through their problems.

BTW, this is not about probabilities. You have no way to calculate such from the info available. If you want to argue scientific terms with a scientist, make sure you know what you are saying.

[IndiReloaded]

Speaking of clueless absolutes....

Can't resist the insults, can you? Had to imply there was a problem with HIA's marriage and now you don't like my opinion of counsellors. My opinion is far from clueless, again, you have no data. I am afraid you aren't making psych majors look any more intelligent than my existing opinion.

You seem to be a very negative individual, CF (interesting choice of SN, btw). Anyway, good luck with your professional work, I hope you help a lot of people and vice-versa.

[ConniptionFit]

Can't resist the insults, can you? Had to imply there was a problem with HIA's marriage and now you don't like my opinion of counsellors. My opinion is far from clueless, again, you have no data. I am afraid you aren't making psych majors look any more intelligent than my existing opinion.

Lets see... you made the big deal about no absolutes and then went on to make about as much of an absolute generalization as you could.

I'd say you are making the Ph.D. crowd look pretty stupid, yourself.

[ConniptionFit]

My opinion is far from clueless, again, you have no data.

Really, OK. I'm game. I'm always up for some peer-review scientific data to change my mind. Please show the scientific peer-reviewed, review of literature showing the data that counselors are entirely overrated.

[IndiReloaded]

I used the word OPINION. Really, you need to learn to read.

As for scientific literature, I suspect I would have no problem reading (and criticising) your publications, but you would be hopelessly at sea to understand mine.

[IndiReloaded]

Lets see... you made the big deal about no absolutes and then went on to make about as much of an absolute generalization as you could.

I'd say you are making the Ph.D. crowd look pretty stupid, yourself.

LOL, backpedaling and trying to shift the problem--classic transference, yes? A bit passive-aggressive are we? LOL.

[ConniptionFit]

I used the word OPINION. Really, you need to learn to read.

As for scientific literature, I suspect I would have no problem reading (and criticising) your publications, but you would be hopelessly at sea to understand mine.

Please go ahead and cite the research showing the data to back up your "opinion".

[ConniptionFit]

LOL, backpedaling and trying to shift the problem--classic transference, yes? A bit passive-aggressive are we? LOL.

Shift the problem? What, exactly is the problem?

Oh, yeah, and you might want to read up on transference before you make clueless statement about what you think it is.

[IndiReloaded]

Why should I? I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Do your own research.