Boyfriend wants to end our relationship but doesn't know if it's the right solution..

[Muse87]

We can't generalize and say "Im too busy, not ready for a relationship" are the most common excuses so it's inevitably the case for him. I don't understand why you fix a label for each thing done or said...
Just because many guys use these sentences to end a relationship doesn't mean my bf does.
He has already broken up with me, so why couldn't he break up with me this time either? He has already been the "bad guy".

[Muse87]

Why do you only see the bad and not the good?
If you put labels on people's head, then Guys who give you phone calls everyday are inevitably in love with you? If they drive a hundred miles for you, it would mean the same? If they say they're too busy, It means that they're not in love? This is wrong...
I can sometimes be really busy and cannot manage a relationship though I have feelings. This has already happened to me. I think love doesn't only depend on your partner. It also depends on time. You can meet the good person, but not at the right time...

[Muse87]

Also I have to add, that 2 days after we had started to date (only), i had sent him a very long mail telling him that I was feeling bad (already) and he said that if I couldn't live this way, by accepting the music that would take a lot of his time + the fact that he's compeltely busy, then we'd better stop. And I really don't think that only after 2 days of relationship, he would have ever felt like he was the bad guy by breaking up...

[Muse87]

And Leona I feel like you ignore a very important detail in my story which is his father's death. It's not nothing! I have 2 friends who have lost thei father too and just after the event, they couldn't fall in love, not entirely. Because the pain was too hard. They were disconnected from reality. They had something else on mind.

[searock]

Look, you have 2 options:
a) you stick with him accepting the whole situation, no complaints. Maybe sometime in the future it will get better, who knows.
b) you break up with him and start living your life. Then if you two are meant to be, you'll find each other again once things clear up a bit.
Your choice!

[Muse87]

Thank you Searock, you're right and I'm gonna go with the 2nd option. Not that I truly want to break up with him but I m hurting too much for the time being and couldn't bear waiting. I know I'd complain :-(
I think that if I keep on living this relationship the way it is right now It will end up destructing me and I don't want that. So by living my own life without him I'm preserving our "relation" which will maybe on day become a new relationship, who knows...you're right. If we're meant to be, then we'd get back together.... :-)

[Muse87]

I was wondering...Can it be possible that he feels obliged to propose the break up? Because I suffer too much and any guy would do this? So as to stop the suffering...Not because it suits him but because it really hurts me and for the moment he is really unable to be in a relationship? I don't especially talk about my bf but guys in general, if they loose their father and are to busy with music and work, they can feel forced to break up even if they don't want to? All the more so since, I repeat, we're not from the same town??
I am just asking if it is "possible"

[Cerby]

I was wondering...Can it be possible that he feels obliged to propose the break up? Because I suffer too much and any guy would do this? So as to stop the suffering...Not because it suits him but because it really hurts me and for the moment he is really unable to be in a relationship? I don't especially talk about my bf but guys in general, if they loose their father and are to busy with music and work, they can feel forced to break up even if they don't want to? All the more so since, I repeat, we're not from the same town??
I am just asking if it is "possible"

If its the right thing to do, then yes. I've broken up with someone because I didn't see it working for various reasons - even though I had strong feelings.

It is possible.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You seem whiny and needy, and I could go on, but I'm going to be nice and stop there. I think he's using you for what he wants and is just waiting for you to get tired of him and end it. He doesn't want to be with you, but he doesn't want to hurt you. Most guys propose a breakup when they no longer want a relationship with the other person, and guys definitely don't propose breaking up to girls they want to keep. Stop making excuses.

How often does he call you on his own?
Does he ever invite you to watch his band?
How often does he lose his phone(I use that one all the time)?

[vashti]

He's already broke up with you... it was obvious in the very first post. Just move on already, and quit trying to make this into more than it really was for him.

[Muse87]

He's the same with his friends and acted the same way with his ex girlfriends, he's very forgetful and is not "cell phone". What I mean here is that he almost never has his cellphone on him and rarely sends sms, even when i'm with him. I have noticed on his wall on fb that several of his friends commented his status "Did you know that I have been waiting your answer since 2 weeks?!", messages like this "prove" that his behaviour is not specific to me.

Phone calls are not proofs either because I love him and never call him. I am not needy at all!! I never call him! We've been dating for 5 months now and i must have only called him twice, just because I m very independant and far from being this type of girl who always needs news from her bf!
I only send him 1 message per week... So I don't understand how you can judge so fast by saying i'm needy O_O
And as I mentioned the phone calls above, like I said, I never call him, but It doesn't mean I don't love him, because I do...I really do...It has nothing to do with love. I have already met a guy who always called me (because he had nothing else to do) and he just manipulated me to have sex. He had free time, so he called me, every day.
I think the most important thing is not how he is when he's away but when he's with me...?

[searock]

Has anything new happened since the last time you posted here (before today's post)?

[Muse87]

Well he has planned going near the ocean for a weekend with me. When we are together, he is still very lovely, he still hugs me, holds my hand, always wants to touch me..
Regarding his work, he is still very busy, especially these last weeks because he had to work very hard on an album, he was late but It finally came out on Friday :-)
Anyway, so he spent a lot of time in his studio. Yesterday I saw him too :-)
What do you mean by anything "new"?

[Muse87]

First, Merry Xmas all!

So, I'm back because I've got news from my bf, and I need advice understanding his message...
Last monday I sent him several messages telling him I was bad...because I felt like he wasn't there for me. Also I "blamed" him for always telling me he'd send me a message and finally never does. I told him I didn't understand why he did that all the more so since he is the one who takes the lead to send it to me. I never ask anything from him :-(
So he answered me that it is a bad habit he'll have to get rid of. Also, he told me he doesn't flee from me (because he was acting distant, didn't answer to my messages when I was doing bad). He then told me he was just on the moon, and very tired with his short nights and long work days. (FYI, he works as a manager during the day and is a musician during the night so...he sleeps rarely :-s ans he just released an album) so he's very busy, not to mention that he lives in Paris and I'm 1h45min away from him by train..

Anyway, so in my last message, I told him that If he's not capable to be there when I'm feeling bad, then he mustn't give me any hope (for our relationship)...then I told him that I didn't want excuses anymore (for instance, he's too forgetful, he looses his cellphone, he's too tired etc). I just want to be happy and won't send him any reminders anymore...

So he answered me a week later, this night and said: (My name) I would also like to be there when you're doing bad, the distance makes me react later...But I want to be there for you. It's hard and I am sorry If I can't always commit myself as much as you would. I can't do without you and don't know what to do anymore, I'd want to see you..

So I received it this night...and don't know what to think about it, do you have a good or bad sentiment? When he says It's hard, I think he refers it to his father's death to the extent that when you are already feeling bad (in his case), you can't be there for other people...

[Muse87]

No comments regarding my last post?