My girlfriend wants children but says she will chose me

[Wakeup]

Well. Number one, because so many people who are adamant they don't want kids at my age have a change of heart in the future, and if I do break up with my girlfriend and change my mind later on, then I will have lost her for no reason. Number two, there are no doctors in the UK (where I live) that would do that procedure on someone my age, even if i wanted it. There is also the chance of complications with the surgery.

Well, there ya go. So, in actuallity you are not saying you NEVER want children, you're just telling your current girlfriend that you don't. This is why women stay with men when the guy says he doesn't want children and she does... she assumes you will change your mind and when you don't she has wasted her reproductive years waiting for you to give in. If you actually had a vasectomy it would prove to her that you don't want children and she would likely curb you in order to find someone who she could still have some hope for. I'm assuming you'd not want to take a chance on her leaving for someone who actually wants what she's wants.

[Frankiesayrelax]

Well in my current mindset, I would say that I certainly don't want children. The only reason why I am hesitant to say I will NEVER EVER want children is because many in my position change their minds in the future and anything can happen, though if I were to somehow find out that 10 or 20 years from now I would be a (willing and happy) father through some time machine miracle then I would be very very shocked. I place absolutely no value whatsoever on any of the so-called benefits that having children would bring me, while they cost a huge amount of time and money, not to mention the difficult lessons in teaching the child right from wrong, and the lost hours of sleep.

Not only this but my girlfriend and I are very different in how we see certain things. For instance, our views on superstition and religion differ very much (she is from Malaysia - a very religious and superstitious country and I am Britain where most people have no religion and hold little or no superstitious belief). For example she believes religion should be taught to children otherwise they would have no morals and she will also want to teach the child the superstitions of her culture, partly because she will want to protect it from ghosts and evil spirits which she believes to be very real and harmful. I, on the other hand, disagree very strongly with this: You should see the effects belief in ghosts have on certain people over in Malaysia - some completely grown up people fly into fits of hysteria because they believe they are having ghostly visitations and are terrified to go out at night. No child of mine, whether I want it or not, is ever going to have its mind poisoned with that crap. So even if I were to eventually change my mind on having children while I am with her, I foresee some furious arguments between us on the subject in the future. She is also aware of my views on religion and superstition though this hasn't phased her.

If things happen as planned however, and I still think in the same way as I do now, then I will seriously consider a vasectomy when I am nearing 30.

[searock]

This is why women stay with men when the guy says he doesn't want children and she does... she assumes you will change your mind and when you don't she has wasted her reproductive years waiting for you to give in.

That's the woman's mistake.

Right now, the OP is a guy who never wants to have children. If she is really staying together with him just because she thinks that one day he'll change his mind, it's her mistake. She should break up with him and move on. If, later in life, he will actually change her mind, then if the situation allows it they can eventually get back together, but only then.

In this particular case, since both of them are so young, I wouldn't worry about the child issue. As was said, they'll very likely break up in a couple of years maximum, over something else.

[Blondi3]

The OP is 19 years old. When my brother was 19 years old he also said that he never wanted to have kids. He's now 32, married and about to be a father for the second time. He adores his daughter and in his own words couldn't imagine ever being happy in a world without her. In contrast my cousin, used to drive me mental with her constant chatter about the dream wedding and the many children she would raise with her future husband when she was 19. She's now 36 and is having a contraceptive implant put in because the idea of kids horrifies her and just wouldn't work for her and her husband.

My point is people change. A lot. Particularly over big decisions like this. Don't do anything drastic now that is going to be a pain in the arse to fix later if you change your mind, when there are perfectly effective methods of birth control you can use instead. And don't give up on something that makes you happy now for something that may or may not be an issue in years to come. I'm not saying be blind to it- just put it in the right context. Unless your girlfriend wants babies NOW this is not an issue yet. You've both been honest about what your long term plans are - but that doesn't mean you have to get there tomorrow. Just relax and take it as it comes. Your relationship is not doomed because of this. It's a note a future you might have.

[IndiReloaded]

So even if I were to eventually change my mind on having children while I am with her, I foresee some furious arguments between us on the subject in the future. She is also aware of my views on religion and superstition though this hasn't phased her.

I wouldn't want children with someone like this either. You aren't likely going to change her, I hope you realize this. She's been brainwashed from an early age and its next to impossible to deprogram someone like that.

Be very careful you don't depend solely on her for contraception. "Forgotten birth control" and even holes poked in condoms do happen. I'm concerned she's sticking around you when you two are clearly on such different pages. Different pages.... books, hell, different libraries, sounds like. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

That's the woman's mistake.

I totally agree. If I were her, I'd leave him. What with the difference of opinion on having children as well as the religious beliefs.

Right now, the OP is a guy who never wants to have children. If she is really staying together with him just because she thinks that one day he'll change his mind, it's her mistake.

Same as above.

She should break up with him and move on. If, later in life, he will actually change her mind, then if the situation allows it they can eventually get back together, but only then.

Up to them, I suppose.

In this particular case, since both of them are so young, I wouldn't worry about the child issue. As was said, they'll very likely break up in a couple of years maximum, over something else.

I'm thinking she'll just stay (perhaps because it's more convenient then not leaving him) and she'll accidently-on-purpose find herself expecting. My prediction.