My boyfriend went to an escort

[VincenzoG91]

I'm terrified of losing him. That's the worst part. I love him more every day and part of loving someone is loving everything about them, even their faults. This is why it's so confusing for me. I feel bad for him that he felt that low because I would never want that for him, even if it was before we met. Yet, it was right before we met so I have a hard time believing that I brought him out of his funk with the snap of a finger. I have serious trust issues and, clearly, insecurity issues of my own or I wouldn't be creeping his email in the first place. I pretty much suck at relationships and have yet to have one with any decent length or meaning. I've never felt the way I feel about him for anyone and really plan on spending my life with him. I just don't want this to linger in the back of my head worrying if it's happening.

Tell him this stuff and talk this through with him. Watch his reaction closely and listen to what he says in response and how he says it. And then decide if you can get over this. I suspect that he isn't doing this kind of stuff anymore, or else he would have been more defensive, or even tried to make you the bad guy for looking through his email. Trust is a choice. Make a choice to trust him, or not.

[bcgirl]

Well if all this happened BEFORE u two were an item then it's a whole diff story. But based on your insecurity issues, I would say it will continue to bug u into the relationship and there cause conflict and stress. U need to either get over this fact and move on, u can't change his past... Or leave him if u know its something u can't get past. Personally it's something I wouldn't like in a man and wouldn't be comfortable with, but some other girls like misty wouldn't care so much. Everyone is different.
That is why being completely honest in a relationship is key. It's good that he told u when u two started dating before u finding out after marriage. I used to be a cheater in my past , I was honest with my hubby from the beginning, it was his choice to continue to be with me and allow this fact to not bother him and trust me that I wouldn't cheat on him. If he was constantly worried about this and feelings of insecurity, our marriage would suck

[Jess319]

I don't know if I can get over it or not. It's his past, not mine, I just never had to deal with something like this before. Drugs, ex's, abuse whatever I thought I had seen it all but this is different. I've been honest with him about what I've done in the past and given him the opportunity to accept it and I feel cheated by him not doing the same for me.

[vashti]

Is it just me, or is this not spam?

[Jess319]

Tell him this stuff and talk this through with him. Watch his reaction closely and listen to what he says in response and how he says it. And then decide if you can get over this. I suspect that he isn't doing this kind of stuff anymore, or else he would have been more defensive, or even tried to make you the bad guy for looking through his email. Trust is a choice. Make a choice to trust him, or not.

He actually didn't care that much that I read his email. He seemed flustered for what to say and after admitting to receiving blow jobs, denied it later. Still is. I don't think he is doing anything like this now and I would like to think that I make him happy enough not to in the future. That's the part that has me worried. I would give anything to make it just disappear from my head

[bcgirl]

Well there is nothing u can do. He hasn't cheated on you... Thank goodness, so u either have to be able to trust him and not let your insecurities get to you... Or leave him. I don't think u want to leave him, so u just need to deal with it

[haxan]

Is it just me, or is this not spam?

Meh, escorts are available in record numbers, most of the clients are not single. You'd need a super calculator to add up the number of men who are married or in an LTR that are walking in and out of cheap hotel rooms every day, and their wife or s/o doesn't know a thing. As they say, it is what it is.

[Jess319]

Meh, escorts are available in record numbers, most of the clients are not single. You'd need a super calculator to add up the number of men who are married or in an LTR that are walking in and out of cheap hotel rooms every day, and their wife or s/o doesn't know a thing. As they say, it is what it is.

Is it that hard for men to just be men? Why the sexual deviance? Is it just the way some of them are programmed or is the girl doing something wrong? It is what is going to drive me crazy!! I can tell you that haha!

[smackie9]

Jess not all men are like this, but this does expose HIS character. If you do not wish to date someone who chose this way to get sex then just move on......simple as that. You are allowed to say "this is a deal breaker for ME".

[VincenzoG91]

Is it that hard for men to just be men? Why the sexual deviance? Is it just the way some of them are programmed or is the girl doing something wrong? It is what is going to drive me crazy!! I can tell you that haha!

Part of being a man is to think about sex all. the. time. Look at all the strip clubs, the vast majority of which aim their entertainment at men. All that pornography, mostly aimed at men. Escorts, again mostly for men. High-profile sex scandals? Usually involves a famous and/or successful dude getting caught with his pants down. Most sex crimes are committed by men. Etc.

[searock]

Part of being a man is to think about sex all. the. time. Look at all the strip clubs, the vast majority of which aim their entertainment at men. All that pornography, mostly aimed at men. Escorts, again mostly for men. High-profile sex scandals? Usually involves a famous and/or successful dude getting caught with his pants down. Most sex crimes are committed by men. Etc.

I think Jess was referring specifically to actually having sex with escorts, rather than simply thinking about sex all the time, watching porn, etc.

[HeartIsAching]

Is it that hard for men to just be men? Why the sexual deviance? Is it just the way some of them are programmed or is the girl doing something wrong? It is what is going to drive me crazy!! I can tell you that haha!

Who says it's deviance? I'm not advocating one way or the other here, I'm genuinely curious. Where does it say it's deviance?

[Maple1714]

Who says it's deviance? I'm not advocating one way or the other here, I'm genuinely curious. Where does it say it's deviance?

Our culture in the US calls this deviance...and most of that line of thinking comes from religion I think.

[HeartIsAching]

If the majority of men indulge in something, it's not deviance, it's the norm.

[Jess319]

Who says it's deviance? I'm not advocating one way or the other here, I'm genuinely curious. Where does it say it's deviance?

Hooking up with a hooker, escort, prostitute (whatever you want to call them, they're all the same), while you're in a relationship is being sexually deviant. When someone is already in a relationship where they have access to sex, why the bonus on the side? Who entitles these people (and I say people, because women do the same thing) to think they deserve more than one at a time?

“One begins to need more and more intense stimuli in order to produce the same type of arousal ... It creates a greater appetite for more bizarre, more deviant types of sexual images.” Colleen Taylor

If having sex with the wife or girlfriend at home gets boring, the arousal they get out of getting caught cheating or the dirtiness of being with an escort makes the exact same hand job, blow job, or sex feel completely different. The girlfriend or wife doesn't stand a chance to please him in the long run