Friend problem

[rob1984]

not saying to be friends with someone just to use them, but spark conversations with other women in front of her, and do it often... its a kind of test for yourself, an easy way of seeing how she feels. if you do notice change then just be up front with her and ask her if she likes you.. if she says no.. its probably a front.. just tell her that you do, and its her move. Tell her to think about it and let you know. And not to tell you right away

[someguy221]

Haha her guard is very much up and I will not notice even the slightest thing. Like you said, taking it is slow is the key.
Telling her I like her would scare her away, even if she likes me back. I know that much.

[rob1984]

well you know her better, slow and steady wins the race lol.. if not you can always chloroform her with a rag... haha jk seriously lol or roofy, haha okay kidding again.

[smackie9]

No slow and steady puts you into the friends zone. Girls and this goes for guys too, no matter how shy or insecure they are, if they want that person bad enough they will take any opportunity to make it known, and not push themselves away.

[someguy221]

You can easily drive a person away by trying too hard though. You've gotta pace it.

[smackie9]

Speaking as a female, it needs to be done within a short time frame approx:a few weeks, and with confidence. There is a differentce bewteeen being over baring, desperate (expressing feelings) to being confident and straight forward. Girls/women like out going guys that take the lead.....doing it at a snails pace makes you look weak, and insecure.

Going at a slow pace is for the benefit of an unsure guy. From my experience many guys lost opportunity with me by taking their time and being unsure of themselves.

If it hasn't worked for you thus far, it means you should be doing the opposite.

[bleucandle]

This thread is a little dicey. I can't even begin to say what I'd do, in more specific terms. But I suppose, you should probably give yourself a few days to maybe write an email, or a letter to her. And I also would suggest that you not ask her any questions, since it seems she's in "reserved" status; for whatever reason. In your "reach out" to her, just tell her what you feel. This might make her a little more receptive to you. If you doidnt do anything bad or TOO bad, she should still connect with the bottomline of your "reach out" to her.

In the event, it nets you no gain; then you'll just have to let TIME do its part between the two of you, and maybe one day, she'll be who she used to be.

Again, this is what comes to mind as a solution. The point in emailing or writing her, in my opinion, is to not be overbearing, or cause her to feel hounded. keep it open.

[someguy221]

Thank you blue candle.
Your idea is not a bad one. I shall wait a little while to "reach out", if I do, at all.

Things were quite bad but there was no animosity at any point and I am hopeful that things aren't quite irrecoverable.

If you feel specific details might help you understand and advise better, please do ask.

[someguy221]

Speaking as a female, it needs to be done within a short time frame approx:a few weeks, and with confidence. There is a differentce bewteeen being over baring, desperate (expressing feelings) to being confident and straight forward. Girls/women like out going guys that take the lead.....doing it at a snails pace makes you look weak, and insecure.

Going at a slow pace is for the benefit of an unsure guy. From my experience many guys lost opportunity with me by taking their time and being unsure of themselves.

If it hasn't worked for you thus far, it means you should be doing the opposite.

You're looking at this the wrong way. I do not want a relationship.

[bleucandle]

No, you don't need to give me, per sey, any further details...just try to approach her indirectly. Usually a tough conversation/debate is accomplished with a little buffer room. Another thing, dont expect to get a response right away, or at all. This approach is to give her your perspective without forcing it on her.

Either way, you'll certainly be alright, and you'll DEFINITELY be a wiser individual.

[someguy221]

Hmmm. What exactly do you mean by buffer room?

Haha Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks a lot.

[bleucandle]

Buffer room just means a nice cushioning between people or things. and in your case, "buffer room" means, time/space to understand your own thoughts before you hand them over to her to consider

[someguy221]

And maybe for her thoughts too. Pretty sure she has no darn clue how she feels towards me haha.

Thanks again for the wise words.

[Rowen]

As far as the friend zone goes, I'd say it's definitely that you need to pace it, but you still need to be going somewhere with it. Be firm about where you stand and what you want, but don't be kicking down the door in a karate move to take her on a date. You're not Jackie Chan (although I'd love to hear about someone doing that).

And just keep it going, OP. Keep talking. If she indeed just wants you as a friend, then everything will be okay in time. But if you want more from her, pace yourself and go forth.

Good luck and may the force be with you.

[someguy221]

Thank you Rowen. It's quite taxing and right now I feel like going as far away from it all as possible. But I'll hang in there and work on it.