Have I done the right thing?

[michelle23]

Abbey he prob cannot answer those questions for you. Some men keep there options open until they are sure they want you. I dont think its right to do that but you have to accept that he didnt do that to hurt you-he prob did that because of his commitment issues. Men like that are normally insecure but maybe beung with you has changed that. It sounds like he has grown up a lot since then.

Why dont you ask him y he used to be a player. Tell him you need to try and understand his past in order to move on. Maybe if he can give u definate answers that he was like that because... But hes changed now because...

And ask him does he see this relationship being long term if you work out your problems together. Ask him y he gave up his lifestyle for you and can he see himself going back to that if ye break up.

You just need all these qs that are going on in your head answered and i think you will be ok then and you will be able to decide whether you should stay or go xx

[michelle23]

Lots and lots of confident secure men and women find it difficult to accep someones past. There is a reason y most men avoid whores and a lot of women avoid men like that like the plague so i think you are all being a bit unfair to her here.

[basilandthyme]

Lots and lots of confident secure men and women find it difficult to accep someones past. There is a reason y most men avoid whores and a lot of women avoid men like that like the plague so i think you are all being a bit unfair to her here.

Not really. If a partner isn't what a confident person wants, a confident person will walk away knowing they can do better. They don't hang around blaming the person over the past.

Our personal outlook is something which can't be manipulated without our permission.

[michelle23]

Yes i see your point. She prob should have walked away 18months ago but she didnt and now she loves him. People come on here because they are lonely/upset etc and they just need some good advice and attacking them or making them feel worse is wrong unless they are a lying cheating rat or a serial killer etc..

[michelle23]

Plus she will likely learn from this experience, grow stronger abd become more confident because of it

[Wakeup]

Do not discuss this with him further - your insecure and irrational thoughts will only cause more damage.

Worth repeating.

I'll add: If you ask him to reassure you anymore, he's going to get totally sick of your non-confidence and find a woman who he doesn't have to baby-sit. Grow up or find someone who fawns over you (just don't get bored once you're convinced that he (the new guy) is hooked on you like you did your first boyfriend.

People come on here because they are lonely/upset etc and they just need some good advice and attacking them or making them feel worse is wrong unless they are a lying cheating rat or a serial killer etc..

Pointing out the error of their ways is hardly "attacking" them.

[HeartIsAching]

Plus she will likely learn from this experience, grow stronger abd become more confident because of it

Probably not.

[HeartIsAching]

People come on here because they are lonely/upset etc and they just need some good advice and attacking them or making them feel worse is wrong

Show me one post on here that was an attack. One.

[abbey3]

No I appreciate people being hard on me- I know I'm insecure.

But he's told me tonight we should just take 'each day as it comes'. And not focus on the future.

That's why Im insecure because still after 2 years future is still out of the question. He wants to rebuild our relationship which is fair enough but if u really love someone u see them in your future

[HeartIsAching]

No I appreciate people being hard on me- I know I'm insecure.

But he's told me tonight we should just take 'each day as it comes'. And not focus on the future.

That's why Im insecure because still after 2 years future is still out of the question. He wants to rebuild our relationship which is fair enough but if u really love someone u see them in your future

He just broke up with you because of your insecurity issues - do you really think it's unreasonable to want to go slowly? Particularly given your reaction when he said he wanted to try again.

BTW - It's quite possible that he's telling you he loves you in other ways that you don't recognize. I'm surprised that Wakeup didn't recommend a book called The Five Love Languages.

I used to work with a woman who was drop dead gorgeous that always complained that her husband never told her he loved her or that she was beautiful. I asked "Does he ever walk up behind you, put his arms around you and sniff your neck?" She said "yes, he does that all the time."

Guess what? That's "I love you".

I asked her "does he ever just reach out and caress your face, for no reason?" She said "yes, he does that a lot too."

Guess what? That's "You're beautiful".

I asked her "Does he ever pinch your butt?" and again he did that a lot... that's "Damn baby, you're sexy".

Men are far more liable to use non-verbal communications than women.

[michelle23]

I really think you need to decide now whether its worth it or not. It sounds to me like you are not compatable. You want someone who has less of a past and i can underrstand that. If thats really what you want, you need to cut your losses here and go find that. You also sound like you need to know your on the same page and can both see a fufure which i also understand-otherwise whats the point if its going nowhere.

You cannot stay and hold the past against him forever. So you either accept it and let it go or break up and find someone that you can accept xx

[surfhb2]

He just broke up with you because of your insecurity issues - do you really think it's unreasonable to want to go slowly? Particularly given your reaction when he said he wanted to try again.

BTW - It's quite possible that he's telling you he loves you in other ways that you don't recognize. I'm surprised that Wakeup didn't recommend a book called The Five Love Languages.

I used to work with a woman who was drop dead gorgeous that always complained that her husband never told her he loved her or that she was beautiful. I asked "Does he ever walk up behind you, put his arms around you and sniff your neck?" She said "yes, he does that all the time."

Guess what? That's "I love you".

I asked her "does he ever just reach out and caress your face, for no reason?" She said "yes, he does that a lot too."

Guess what? That's "You're beautiful".

I asked her "Does he ever pinch your butt?" and again he did that a lot... that's "Damn baby, you're sexy".

Men are far more liable to use non-verbal communications than women.

Bingo! The OPs issue is she has absolutely no idea how men behave In relationships

[abbey3]

Maybe I don't and I'm comparing to my ex partner who was young,but on the other hand i know plenty of other men who do vocalise their feelings.

Anyway my boyfrirnd has said now sadly things are not going to work out . Apparantly all I do is read behind the lines and when he wasn't trying to say he didn't want to commit. His exact words were he didn't want to ' get hung up on the 5 year plan' and for us to take it as it comes and enjoy what we had. I took that as saying he lo longer wants to talk about a future with me. And I went off on one. ( as usual)

[searock]

His exact words were he didn't want to ' get hung up on the 5 year plan' and for us to take it as it comes and enjoy what we had. I took that as saying he lo longer wants to talk about a future with me. And I went off on one. ( as usual)

You two aren't compatible, you want different things and even when you want the same thing, you aren't able to communicate with each other. You want a 5 year plan, stability and for him to be the emotional support for all your insecurities. He wants to take life as it goes and he doesn't want the responsibility of having to babysit his girlfriend. You don't trust him and he's sick and tired of always having to reassure you. It's an exhausting task that doesn't even pay off, because no matter what he does, you'd still find something "wrong".

I think you two are better off without each other. Find someone who is more compatible with you - someone who wants to settle down and who expresses love verbally. Men like that do exist. The only problem is, I don't think you'd be attracted to them: I think you would get bored pretty soon. I think some personal counseling could help you to understand what you want and why you aren't satisfied even when you have it.

[abbey3]

You two aren't compatible, you want different things and even when you want the same thing, you aren't able to communicate with each other. You want a 5 year plan, stability and for him to be the emotional support for all your insecurities. He wants to take life as it goes and he doesn't want the responsibility of having to babysit his girlfriend. You don't trust him and he's sick and tired of always having to reassure you. It's an exhausting task that doesn't even pay off, because no matter what he does, you'd still find something "wrong".

I think you two are better off without each other. Find someone who is more compatible with you - someone who wants to settle down and who expresses love verbally. Men like that do exist. The only problem is, I don't think you'd be attracted to them: I think you would get bored pretty soon. I think some personal counseling could help you to understand what you want and why you aren't satisfied even when you have it.

I don't want to lose him though or what we have because of my insecurities.

I think I will regret it forever