My Gf lost her sex "interest"

[Wakeup]

Op: Ask her to go to the doctor with you. She needs to know what you're thinking (that you're not getting enough sex and it's become a relationship life or death situation.) She wants to know whats going on with her, she's said so and doesn't understand. Decide one step at a time using professional guidance to rule out her meds or something physical causing her to tense up. None of us here can tell you what, if anything is wrong with her or you for that matter with 100% certainty.

[searock]

and then I kinda "forced" (but not in a physical way) and then she wasnt wet.. that was the first time she wasnt wet.

Well no wonder she wasn't aroused if you guilted her into having sex with you. Way wrong move. No wonder she doesn't feel safe or comfortable enough around you. Her body is telling you, every time you try to have sex with her: "I don't want to have sex with you". You should understand the f*cking signs and back off, instead of barging on with your attempts at penetrating her.

Have you talked to her about sex therapy?

[basilandthyme]

Well no wonder she wasn't aroused if you guilted her into having sex with you. Way wrong move. No wonder she doesn't feel safe or comfortable enough around you. Her body is telling you, every time you try to have sex with her: "I don't want to have sex with you". You should understand the f*cking signs and back off, instead of barging on with your attempts at penetrating her.

Between this ^^^ and the "what the **** is wrong" comment, I'm not surprised she's having trouble getting aroused.

[niceguy911]

that was one day, what will you say about other 20 times before that? when I said or done nothing wrong.. besides I just wrote "what the F***" comment in english, becasue I cant translate it precisly from my native language (and I didnt say what the ****! in my language) I was never pushing to sex, I was always trying to be very gentle, kissing her neck, trying to get into foreplay and stuff... and again, I have a hard time expressing myself in english, I forced her in a psychological way, just to see IF IM the one who has to take the first move!



I would totaly understand your comment basilandythyme... but only if THATS the reason of her not getting aroused anymore, but that was like after 1and a half month of not having sex, DONT YOU GET IT? It would be different If i "forced" (again forced is not a precise word for what im thinking!) at the begginig of her "non sex drive" period.

[niceguy911]

Well, anyhow... I think I got enough opinions, thank you guys and girls for your time!


I will wait for a while if she goes off birth control pills, and will see how it goes.



(I see I have to choose my words very carefully, didnt know it can make ppl butthurt )

[michelle23]

OP she doesn't have to wait until she finishes the pack. She can just stop taking them but make sure you always use condoms as its very easy for some people to get pregnant when they come off the pill. It will take about 6 months for her hormones to go back to normal so even if she is really into it for awhile-that could change again.

If nothing changes in the next month or two-I recommend you break up with her. You cant stay together if sex is a big issue especially after such a short time of being together. It will just crush you more and more and by the time you leave you will have no self-esteem left. That type of rejection is very hard to deal with in a relationship so make sure you put yourself first and end it if she doesnt really try to make positive changes in the next month.

You need to make it clear to her that something has to change now or else you are finished. Its not an ultimatum or a threat-its just honesty and reality. It sounds like shes just telling you what you want to hear-"ill stop taking it at the end of the month, I might go to the doctor, ill try" etc. Those are just words and you need action.

I dont think this is your fault and I dont blame you for getting frustrated. However, you should not automatically expect her to be wet just coz you kissed her, rubbed her or took off her jeans. That is not enough to make her wet if shes not in the mood so you will need to do more than that and dont get mad if you dont get an automatic response. Just keep going until she gets into it.

Best of luck

[pcmaster]

Best of luck

Best of **** too !

[Wakeup]

I suspect she is regretting losing her virginity to you, op. I hope you do break up with her so that she can meet someone who is more patient and experienced in bringing out the lust and arousal in a woman. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear because i think part of this girls reluctance is due to pain from not being aroused enough.

Both of you can do better then what your giving one another.

[michelle23]

He said that he gives plenty of foreplay and makes her orgasm each time... I dont agree that this is his fault.

When I met my bf I had only had sex once before him so it took time for me to get used to sex with him and he didn't have much experience either. But I was well able to communicate with him and tell him what I wanted and we built compatibility and trust together. It is not just his job to ensure she enjoys it. She has to work with him too. After a few months of proper honest communication-we were perfect together in bed and it has just gotten better over the last 4 and a half years so I really dont think you can blame the OP and say he is not patient etc. Hes still around after a year of putting up with this crap so he obviously is patient and really cares about her.

[Wakeup]

Ever hear of "faking?" She doesn't want to have sex with him. I say if he was giving her "plenty of orgasms" then she'd be wet and open to having him inside her. There's two sides to every story and he's said enough to me for me to conclude that he's not making her feel safe and loved enough to trust him not hurting her.

My Opinion: They both can do better then what they're getting from one another. Your choice if you "don't blame him."

[michelle23]

If she is faking then its her fault that she doesnt enjoy it-not his. If you cant communicate openly and honestly then you cant blame your partner for not knowing what you want

[niceguy911]

She regrets losing my virginity to me? How can you say that, you dont even know me... I can see clearly she loves me, how can you possibly know anything from couple of my posts???? I know this will sound a bit narcissistic, but I believe im the nicest guy she ever met! (hence my nickname )


I came here for advice not for you making me feel unwanted !


hahaah, I laughed about that part that she deserves someone more patient and bringing in more lust ... You are ignorant my friend, next time dont jump into such conclusions

I believe I treat her like a princess, I always make her laugh, im smart, we have much in common, im not super hot looking male, but im nice looking with a nice and healthy body, im a good listener, and most importantly I AM ALL ABOUT MAKING A WOMAN HORNY (foreplay is my thing) .. I know this will sound selfbragging but thats the way it is.. so CLEARLY IM NOT THE ISSUE! cause trust me, Ive asked her 1000x times if I did something wrong, ANYTHING!... and shes says NO, and I believe her.

[niceguy911]

Just drop this topic guys please ... Ive read enough, you were helpful (most of you) and I thank you for it, I just wanted some opinions and not a solution, It is me who will have to find one.

[searock]

niceguy, as long as she doesn't see a sex therapist and/or starts feeling safe and comfortable with you, the problem will not go away.

[michelle23]

This could also be a confidence issue on her part. Is she afraid you wont enjoy it? Does she feel insecure? Does she think shes hot or is she self conscious? Also I noticed you said you have had sex about 20 times? If that is true then it makes sense that it still hurts her. You need to have a lot more sex so her body can get used to it. I know it hurt me a bit for ages and it wasn't his fault. He was really gentle... Its just something you have to deal with for awhile.

The thing is if she is grossed out by sex or oral-she does need sex therapy coz that is a really unhealthy way of looking at sex. I would understand if you were a stranger but your not so it should feel natural.

If she doesnt make an effort to fix the issue with you and work together on it then you will have to walk away but if she is willing to try then Id say just be patient and hopefully it will get better in time. I dont think its a sex drive issue and probably has nothing to do with the pill. Its just her body is not ready yet and it takes time. Or else she just thinks sex is dirty or bad for some reason.

Come back and let us know how this pans out and good luck