Affair, kids, it's very messy !!!

[Valixy]

You're hurting because you've been living with these painful doubts for a long time, Sebastian, and you're probably in some kind of shock now when you have finally known the truth. I hope you will feel better little by little and take the best decision for you.

[smackie9]

The truth became reality, because in your heart you wished it hadn't been true. Also you know this could now be the end, and it's scaring you. Your future is uncertain, as well as everything else. It's going to be difficult to tell your family and friends what happened to your marriage.

She was cold because she thought she was off the hook.....it seems she has never learned through her life that there are consequences for her actions,and take responsibility for it. I think she has wiped her feet on you enough.

[michelle23]

sebastian i think its time now to make decisions. i know your hurting and in shock but i think we all know its over mate. save yourself any more pain and walk away. you deserve better than this.

dont blab to everyone about this for your childrens sake. confide in people that you trust and who wont gossip

i wish you luck and happieness and i reccommend you get some counselling to help you heal emotionally so you can find the strenght to leave this hell behind and meet someone who has more respect for you and more empathy for your feelings.

look after yourself and youll always be a great dad no matter what happens.

show her now that your worth more and that she has to suffer the consequences and she has lost you. she does not deserve anything from you

[smackie9]

I think he used us to help him grow a set to confront her without backing down.....it's been two years and he finally stands up to her? He needs to definitely man up and do what's best......fear and anxiety has been abstaining the inevitable.

[michelle23]

id say it was denial too. such a difficult situation to deal with. feel so sorry for people who go through this crap. i really hope it never happens to me. the thought of it gives me severe anxiety especially if im married with kids.. but if it does happen-im gone. without a doubt

[smackie9]

There you go..strong willed people, weak willed people. agreed.

[Sebastian H]

Michelle23, Smackie9 and Valixy, thanks guys. It's been somewhat a turbulent week. I'd say I'm still hurting and that's the truth. I'm very much a family values man and will always be.

Who needs counselling? I have you guys.

[michelle23]

Are you still there? Are you leaving her? What have you decided to do?

Counselling is your choice but it may help you to heal faster

[Sebastian H]

Well, I'm still there at the house keeping it together for the kids although the oldest has started asking questions like why am I sleeping on the couch and why are you nothappy with mummy. He's very perceptive. I have told her it's over and she's looking for somewhere although we have been courteous around the children we barely speak otherwise now. Certainly since I literally dragged the truth from her I feel like a weight has been lifted so in that regard I feel better but I hate the fact that the children will eventually be living apart from me. I dont plan on spreading the affair about to family and friends although I dont see why I should continue the lies and cover up for her if directly asked - I should be honest. Still pretty raw but starting to feel positive again and am sure there's some tough decisons ahead

[michelle23]

Start writing a custody plan now before she leaves and make sure you both agree to it before she walks out the door with your kids. The fairest way to do it would be 3 and 1/2 days each- say mon, wed, fri and you get the day on Saturday and change it every second week to tue, thurs, sat and the full Sunday. That way you both get time off at the weekend and its fair to both of you and the children. Im not telling you what to do. Just trying to help. make a plan that suits you.

You will also need to consider child support and how much per week or month you are going to provide.

And you should get onto a solicitor to ensure you know all your legal rights incase she tries to kick up a storm with the kids.

Its great that the truth is finally out and now you can start the healing process. A weight has been lifted and you know which direction your future is headed and im confident that in time you will meet someone else and you will be happy

It may be better for now to keep the truth to yourself-otherwise you will get a million questions and everyone will want to talk and talk and talk about it and youll have to deal with people saying nasty shite about her and a lot of bitchieness, gossip etc. Its too raw right now and you dont need to be listening to all that crap.

Thats why I suggested counselling if you really need someone to talk to.

If you have a close male friend or relative that you could confide in and who can keep their mouth shut then do that

[smackie9]

I agree family and friends will want answers but you don't have to reveal what happened to them right now. Put that aside and focus on getting things settled. You may not want counseling, but your kids are going to need it.

[TablesandChairs]

If you think your marriage can be saved, give it a shot through counselling. That way, you will have a third person keeping things in check and enabling communication.

But - for that to work, it takes two - she needs to want to save the relationship and do all that she can to rebuilt trust. From what you've written, she sounds pretty slack and 'whatever' in that department.

If you choose to leave; try not to make things messy for the time being. If people ask, just say you've been having issues for a long time and you've made the decision to part ways. It's your personal business.