Help dealing with a naive girlfriend :/?

[basilandthyme]

Yeah, we discussed her not going to after hour work events that are recreational. .

That 'controlling' vibe is now getting stronger....

[Lalalandguy]

That 'controlling' vibe is now getting stronger....

Lol it was her idea, so I went with it.

[surfhb2]

That 'controlling' vibe is now getting stronger....

Yep!! I'm smelling D bag!! No offense OP

If she's naive, so be it....what's is it to you?

[TablesandChairs]

What would you like her to do? Say "I have a boyfriend and you cannot talk to me like this!" every time a guy pays her a compliment or says something cheeky? I sure as hell don't, my colleagues would think I was a drama queen and I'd soon earn a reputation for being a princess. Most of this stuff is tongue-in-cheek and I either laugh it off/shrug it off or say something sarcastic in return; I mostly don't really care, they're just words. Often, it's easier to accept a compliment or shrug something off than it is to make a big deal out of it.

She's a grown woman, you either trust her or you don't but don't expect a grown, adult working woman to resort to "I have a boyfriend omg omg!!" every time she encounters a flirtatious work colleague.

[basilandthyme]

Lol it was her idea, so I went with it.

Sounds to me like she's walking on eggshells and trying to keep you pacified. Why didn't you tell her that you trust her and this extreme measure is totally unnecessary?

Thing is, people generally don't suggest things like this unless they are feeling pressured.

[TablesandChairs]

She might dump you eventually. I wouldn't tolerate someone telling me how to act at work; that's my environment, I know the people and the type of vibe that goes...you want to adapt and be part of the team, not some uptight recluse that no one can stand...that's career suicide.

Get a grip.

[Lalalandguy]

You guys, chill... I'm not being dramatic as it seems in reality. (In her words) She's more embarrassed because she now realizes that she was the meat in the lions den that night. When before she felt like another lion.


T&C - question: If I commented on how nice your pants fit you from behind then turned around and commented on your nice boobs in front of your spouse not even knowing him how would he respond?

[basilandthyme]

lala, you say you're not being dramatic.....but you DID start a thread about it.

And in answer to the question you asked Tables and Chairs, my partner would just laugh it off. He's really not that uptight

[Lalalandguy]

Well, I'm sorry Basil. Guys commenting on my lady's goods in front of the entire office isn't professional. Nor would does benefit her in any way. Would you agree?

[toknow]

This is unacceptable co-worker environment and could be easily sexual harassment. The reason it's not for her, is because she wasn't offended by it.

[Lalalandguy]

Precisely.

[basilandthyme]

You didn't say "in front of the entire office" in your example. You said "in front of your spouse". Now, I have been openly complimented like this in front of my partner and he was chuffed to know that others thought his girlfriend was hot.

I've seen a lot of office flirting in my time, but never *in front of the entire office*. It's normally a little more discreet than that. And while I agree that it's not professional - it does happen and this is just how office life frequently is. From her point of view, she can choose to accept the way it is or she can alienate the entire office by being a princess about it all.

[surfhb2]

Precisely.

So your issues is that she not offended by these men's actions? Seriously!?

Then find another Girlfriend LOL

[Lalalandguy]

Ha! Well pls read the entire thread be fore decide to get defensive. Besides, you can't even answer my questions of whether, breasts and tight pants is suitable dialogue in front of colleagues inside or out of the workplace.

This wasn't discreet, these men are the typical douchey guys that regret getting married and make perverted remarks whenever the opportunity arises. IM OK WITH THAT. All I'm asking for is a tiiiny bit of representation. Perhaps a jokinly, 'would you say that about my ass if my bf was here' or a 'c'mon now fellas, enough with the jokes'. She doesn't need to be a bitch just make it clear that she is aware that their comments are inappropriate. After 10 yrs, I deserve that.

*Yawn* That's it, everyone. I appreciate all the constructive advice, even from those defensive feminist who are out to bash a GOOD GUY for seeking advice before acting irrational.

Goodnight All.

[surfhb2]

She probably likes the attention in a flirting way ( wouldnt you?) or she's just oblivious or she just doesn't care to make a comment?

Either way...Who cares man! She's your lady and goes home with you every night....get over it.

You're acting just a douchy as the guys in the office. The fact that its inappropriate behavior ( which it is) has nothing to do with your issue. You're just butt hurt since your lady doesn't reject their comments outright. I wouldn't either....these are her co workers so just simply ignoring the comments is her safest bet. Make sense?

Personally, if I knew my woman was being hit on and caused men to flirt....yet came home to me to F my brains out makes her even more of a catch. Just my opinion

On a side note: Why the fucck have you been dating the same girl for 10 years? Maybe she's getting ready to bolt since you don't seem to be stepping up to bat.