How much contact should be kept during "a break"

[michelle23]

Write a pros and cons list here. The good, the bad and the ugly and ALL the reasons for your doubts. There is no point dragging this out for another while if you KNOW you will break up at some point anyway

[anonymous_a]

Write a pros and cons list here. The good, the bad and the ugly and ALL the reasons for your doubts.

My step mom suggested that too, but I feel like if I do that, it will lead me into staying with him out of convenience :S

[michelle23]

I will just say though the time I went through all these doubts and uncertainty it drove me crazy. I searched the internet for hours everyday for answers and even considered couples counselling etc

But in the end I realized that you probably shouldn't break up unless you are 100% sure that is what you want, you know you wont regret it and you know there is no turning back so on that basis I do recommend that you go home and try to make it work for now coz you are not sure what the right thing to is.

I think doubts are normal. Everyone goes through this stage but you know you love him and he makes you happy and you are scared so don't do it until you are sure

When I broke up with both my exes I had no doubts. I knew I wanted out for sure and I didn't think twice about it and it felt like such a relief to be free again. I am so glad now I didnt break up with my bf during those doubts. I know for sure now I want him to be my future. I want a 50 years married poster when Im 80

[anonymous_a]

I will just say though the time I went through all these doubts and uncertainty it drove me crazy. I searched the internet for hours everyday for answers and even considered couples counselling etc

But in the end I realized that you probably shouldn't break up unless you are 100% sure that is what you want, you know you wont regret it and you know there is no turning back so on that basis I do recommend that you go home and try to make it work for now coz you are not sure what the right thing to is.

I think doubts are normal. Everyone goes through this stage but you know you love him and he makes you happy and you are scared so don't do it until you are sure

When I broke up with both my exes I had no doubts. I knew I wanted out for sure and I didn't think twice about it and it felt like such a relief to be free again. I am so glad now I didnt break up with my bf during those doubts. I know for sure now I want him to be my future. I want a 50 years married poster when Im 80

And that's exactly why I haven't broken up with him! Because I do still love him, and I don't want to just throw it away. With both my exes as well, I had no doubts about leaving them. It was an easy decision. That's why I am struggling so hard with this, because I feel like I am being pulled in 2 different directions. I just spoke with him about the school thing, and he called me selfish, which I already know lol. He also said that he would be willing to finish his program in London IF it was offered there (I don't think it is), but he said he wouldn't do that if we were on the rocks. Maybe I just need to do something more fulfilling with my life. Like you said, you were unhappy due to external factors, not because of anything in your actual relationship. I feel the exact same way. I just don't know how to get out of this funk.... Maybe I should take a course, or join a team, or do some volunteer work... Urgh

[michelle23]

I was unhappy for 100 different reasons, i was emotionally unavailable too grieving the loss of a relative. All of it took its toll on me and him. It was a hard time but we got through it

Maybe its just that the infatuation has worn off (the butterflies) and you are craving something new (like blue eyes). Sorry I don't want to keep throwing that at you but I still think he is a big part of why you have all these doubts now.. And maybe you are fed up with your bf. You said he smokes a lot of weed and is lazy. is that how you imagined your future husband?

Im not trying to create more doubts just throwing things out there so you can decide if these things are still a part of the problem

And if you are bored or fed up with life in general then yes join a hobby and get out more together too. Do more fun things

[anonymous_a]

I was unhappy for 100 different reasons, i was emotionally unavailable too grieving the loss of a relative. All of it took its toll on me and him. It was a hard time but we got through it

Maybe its just that the infatuation has worn off (the butterflies) and you are craving something new (like blue eyes). Sorry I don't want to keep throwing that at you but I still think he is a big part of why you have all these doubts now.. And maybe you are fed up with your bf. You said he smokes a lot of weed and is lazy. is that how you imagined your future husband?

Im not trying to create more doubts just throwing things out there so you can decide if these things are still a part of the problem

And if you are bored or fed up with life in general then yes join a hobby and get out more together too. Do more fun things

That's another thing that I worry could be affecting me. My dad's one year anniversary of his death is August 30th and the memorial is coming up.

The weed thing doesn't really bother me THAT much cause I do it too, it's only when it affects his school and work life (it doesn't affect mine at all). He hasn't been able to hold down a job this past summer, which has really annoyed me because I end up paying most of the bills myself. But with school starting soon, I feel like maybe it is a another chance for him to prove that he can act like a responsible adult. He has so much potential! I just don't want to have to act like his mother all year. I just don't want to give up on him, I still feel like he is my soul mate, but I can't force him to behave and act a certain way, right? sdg;kjasnk;ajgasjkdgbsdjfkgb; <-- that is how i feel right now -,-

[lalalita]

I don't believe in breaks. If someone asks for a break, I consider the relationship over. It's few and far between that people actually do "soul searching" during a break and don't just use it as an excuse to be single while still keeping their partner at arms reach.

[anonymous_a]

I don't believe in breaks. If someone asks for a break, I consider the relationship over. It's few and far between that people actually do "soul searching" during a break and don't just use it as an excuse to be single while still keeping their partner at arms reach.

Well since you clearly haven't read ALL the posts in the thread, I am NOT single. We agreed we are still a couple, still in a relationship. I have no interest in looking at anyone else, and neither does he. There is A LOT to the story, so if you would like to give a helpful opinion, please read the whole thread.

[surfhb2]

Wtf lol. Lack of communication? We have GREAT communication! He knows EVERYTHING that is going on with me right now! I haven't kept any of my feelings a secret :S
And we've also been together a year and a half. I was with an ex for 3 years and it still didn't work out, why would I get married this soon? I would like to be with someone for at least 4 years before marriage (engagement can be apart of that first 4 years).

Whatever .....opinions are like assholes I guess.

Just seems to me to be 2 kids who are still in school and too deep into a relationship to me. That and you are being selfish (your words)

[anonymous_a]

Whatever .....opinions are like assholes I guess.

Just seems to me to be 2 kids who are still in school and too deep into a relationship to me

School, yes, but not fresh out of highschool. I am 23, he is 26.

[surfhb2]

Being an adult sucks lol.

Maybe I just need to do something more fulfilling with my life

he called me selfish, which I already know lol

No offense but these arent the words of someone who is ready to be in a serious, long term relationship.

Concentrate on the career and debt

[anonymous_a]

No offense but these arent the words of someone who is ready to be in a serious, long term relationship.

Concentrate on the career and debt

I get where you're coming from but it's not that simple. I'm not just going to leave someone I love and can see myself having a future with with because I may or not be ready. I'd much rather take the break first and hope I can work through it. If not, then I will have to do what is necessary but I don't want it to get to that point.

[lalalita]

Well since you clearly haven't read ALL the posts in the thread, I am NOT single. We agreed we are still a couple, still in a relationship. I have no interest in looking at anyone else, and neither does he. There is A LOT to the story, so if you would like to give a helpful opinion, please read the whole thread.

So, if you're still a couple, still in a relationship - what exactly is the point of what you're doing?

[surfhb2]

I get where you're coming from but it's not that simple. I'm not just going to leave someone I love and can see myself having a future with with because I may or not be ready. I'd much rather take the break first and hope I can work through it. If not, then I will have to do what is necessary but I don't want it to get to that point.

Good luck

You have to give a part of yourself if you want to be in a relationship. Vulnerability is important...

We've all been in your situation so it's not like we don't know. You need to decide what you want quickly....it's not fair to this man who seems to already know that he wants YOU. Make sense?

[anonymous_a]

So, if you're still a couple, still in a relationship - what exactly is the point of what you're doing?

The point is giving myself time to clear my head and give myself a chance to miss him (LIKE I'VE SAID ALREADY!!!) The point is to make sure BEFORE I break up with him, that if I DO decide to break up with him, I won't regret it. And yes, I am aware that this is selfish of me, but he is being understanding and patient therefore, I will do what I need to do. If I wanted to go after anyone else, I would have just broken up with him, but that's not what this is about.

Good luck

You have to give a part of yourself if you want to be in a relationship. Vulnerability is important...

We've all been in your situation so it's not like we don't know. You need to decide what you want quickly....it's not fair to this man who seems to already know that he wants YOU. Make sense?

Thanks, I know it's not fair to him, trust me. If he decided that I was being too selfish and he wanted to break up with me, then I would understand. But he isn't, and I am very appreciative of this.