What hope does a horrible person have?

[Wasting Light]

You've got a brief window to figure out what you want to give the world.

Nothing is free and you've locked yourself down so much in the basic things people do with eachother. Like chit chat or small talk that isnt deep enough for you or you dont understand thatgive and take.

Do you have a job? Bring donuts in once a week. People need to know your trying. They will even hang out with the crumugen guy if you make an effort.

Your trying to get on your feet and youll need help getting momentum. No one is going to come get you though. You have to make that genuine effort. Youre the bad guy in the movie that needs a heart of gold to begin his transformation.

if you lived in a village 15000 years ago. And everyone either farmed, hunted, or crafts. Would you fit in then? Without modern pressures of keeping up with superficial cultute. Just you and your people and your craft.

Id find a way to get a giving mentality going. Ultimately you reap what you sow. You have sowed a lot of negative seeds. Its worth the work. But its work

To be fair, I spent most of my life with a "giving" mentality. Up to a year or so ago, I always made it a point to try to do things for the people around me to try to make their lives easier. Classmates, coworkers, etc. But people either didn't care about the things I did for them, or they simply didn't even notice at all. A year or two ago, I kind of stopped caring. Although, I still do things for my coworkers, out of habit, but that's just it, it's become habit, rather than something I actually do for the right reasons. If people are just constantly going to overlook the things I do, it doesn't really do anything to help me out. What can I do to make people stop overlooking the things I do for them?

[Wakeup]

really do anything to help me out. What can I do to make people stop overlooking the things I do for them?

First you stop doing those things you do for them.

If they don't notice you stopped then you've just ended being an over-compensating, self proclaimed, "nice guy" who expects reciprocation and gets resented when he doesn't get it (like a typical self-proclaimed "nice guy" would) and you get to relax and just be.

If they DO notice that you've stopped then just say, "oh I didn't realize you appreciated those things I was doing" and then do them again.

[woody]

^yah.
and W.L,
Remember that little book from childhood 'The Elves and the Shoemaker'??

Truly giving is without expectation of any thing in return. I'm just saying. Please don't be offended. I understand how a person could become resentful after a long time of giving, giving and then giving some more without so much as a thank you in return BUT as WakeUp said on their last post, just relax and be.

I know i'm bringing up books to you. I stand by my 'jitterbug perfume' by tom robbins suggestion. I stand by that strongly and the stick of green to accompany it. Firm. I can almost guarantee you'll feel much better after this story.

[dontaskme]

Oh you fukcing troll with wOOt wOOt eyes... Who are you fooling???

Let's sum up what you posted so far to see all the contradictions in your statements. I will do the honors your trolling highness!

You said in your earlier posts that you don't care about people, that you hate them, find them annoying, obnoxious, dumb, and THEY DO GET IN YOUR WAY MORE THAN ANYTHING. You hate interacting with them and during YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, YOU NEVER HAD A FRIEND and had been ALL ALONE.

You're set in your ways and have been a HORRIBLE person AS FAR AS YOU CAN REMEMBER.

And now, in your latest post, you said that YOU SPENT MOST OF YOUR LIFE (notice the all caps man) WITH GIVING MENTALITY that YOU MADE IT a POINT to DO THINGS FOR PEOPLE TO TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES EASIER.

Ha! Who the fukc are you kidding?

Go pull someone else's leg somewhere troll.

[Wasting Light]

My realization of being a "horrible person" is a recent one. It's only in the last year or so that I've been examining how I really feel about stuff. I'm sorry that the way I think and feel about stuff is complex, but why would I make all of this up to "troll" this forum? Even if I wanted to "troll", I imagine there would be far easier ways to do that.

[dontaskme]

Your username suits you BTW because you are wasting light out of people in this forum!

The light is dimming that they can't even see the troll out of you.

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My realization of being a "horrible person" is a recent one. It's only in the last year or so that I've been examining how I really feel about stuff. I'm sorry that the way I think and feel about stuff is complex, but why would I make all of this up to "troll" this forum? Even if I wanted to "troll", I imagine there would be far easier ways to do that.

Oh wait, but you said you've been a horrible person as far as you can remember, unless you had amnesia all through the years and suddenly your memory came back as of recently?

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And you are 30 years old, how is that possible genius?

[Wasting Light]

Yeah, whatever. Thanks so much for being understanding, dontaskme. No wonder I hate people so much, with people like you around.

[dontaskme]

Don't blame me for your shortcomings. You were born with it!

That's your fukcing problem, not mine, if it's even a real problem troll!

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But wait, what happened to the giving mentality to make people's lives better? I guess it went out of the window, lol!

[Wasting Light]

What is your problem? Why are you so intent on harassing me and accusing me of being a troll? Is that just what you do? Someone here looks for help and support and you just go "lol your problems aren't real, troll!"?

[dontaskme]

Harassment? This is hardly harassment. This is me calling you out on your trolling. If you are not trolling indeed and you want people to take you seriously and not perceive you as a horrible person that you are, then stop COUNTERING every good advice given to you by giving bullshit excuses.

Dude, you're in your 30's, grow some balls and be open to suggestions, if you aren't, then take your problems somewhere else.

[Wasting Light]

So, wait, I make a topic calling myself a horrible person, and your whole argument is essentially "You're lying about being a horrible person! You're actually... a horrible person!"? At this point, I'm just completely confused about what you think is going on here. But clearly you're so damn smart and you have everything all figured out, so why don't you enlighten me about what you really think I am and what I'm doing here?

And what "countering" am I constantly doing? If you're just referring to the same thing you said before, then perhaps I need to explain it one more time to get it through that thick skull of yours.

I spent the majority of my life trying to be a good, "normal" person. I tried making connections with people the way any normal person would. But I failed every time. Within the last year or two, I've started becoming more self aware of how upset this makes me, and how much disdain I have for people, and it occurs to me that I've actually felt this way for much of my life, but just hadn't realized it until recently.

Does that make sense to you? Or are you just going to continue going "lol it's all a lie! Troll! Troll! Troll!"? I'm not trying to "counter" anything, but you have to understand that over the course of my life, I tried everything I could possibly think of to connect and forge relationships with people, multiple times, even. I've tried being generous, I've tried being less of a "door mat", I've tried making the effort to talk to people, I've tried "just being me", I've tried being somebody different, I've tried everything, and no matter what I say or what I do, nothing works. For my entire life, nothing has worked in helping me connect with people.

That makes me angry, makes me sad, makes me confused, makes me upset, makes me frustrated, makes me all kinds of things. And if that makes me a "troll", well, then I guess I'm a "troll". But if you think I'm just making up stories on some stupid forum to get a rise out of morons like you, I don't know what to tell you, because you've clearly made up your mind already, and only keep coming here to further your agenda.

[dontaskme]

Oh, excuse me, but clearly, you're the one who has not made yourself clear in explaining yourself. Read all your posts again and tell me you are not contradicting yourself?

And yes, I am smart, probably smarter than you. You can't say you've been horrible all your life that you hated people because they are dumb, obnoxious, etc, as far as you can remember and yet claim to have a giving mentality and just want to make people's lives better and that was what you had been doing most of your life? Does that make sense to you? And for every advice given to you, you always counter them with whatever crappy explanation or excuses you have instead of opening yourself up to the suggestions given and taking them in more seriously because it might have some merit to them, yes?

Aren't you here to ask for help? Then if that's the case, I suggest you take more of the suggestions given to you seriously and when posting, make clear of the exact sequence of events so you don't confuse the hell out of people.

Hell yeah, I'm proud to be a smarty pants

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And let's make things clear, the word "lie" came from you... I was merely pointing out the fact that what you were posting was BS!

[Wasting Light]

I realize I didn't make it clear the first time, but how much clearer can I possibly make it, at this point? It's not "BS" (and come on, there's really no difference between "BS" and "lie"; what else would "BS" mean?) that I was one way for most of my life, then started thinking differently and looking at the past from a different perspective. You mean to tell me that's simply not possible for someone to do? I don't know how to explain that situation more clearly at this point. If you still don't understand what I was trying to say, I don't know what else to tell you.

And again, what excuses for suggestions have I given? I simply said that I've tried everything I can do to connect with people in the past, and nothing works. But what are these suggestions I'm supposedly making excuses for? Woody told me to read a book and, unless I'm misunderstanding, get high, which I didn't really comment on because I wasn't sure if I was understanding that right. Sbc04c said to be a more giving person, I explained that I have been in the past and asked what to do when that doesn't work, Wakeup said to stop overcompensating to people, which I've also done in the past. So what else is there? Where are these myriads of suggestions that I've been "making excuses" for? Everything I've written has been for further elaboration and to further the discussion.

But apparently, that makes me a "troll". Apparently, everything is "black and white", and if the thoughts, feelings, and experiences I have had are more complex than that, then I'm obviously just "BSing".

So what is it you think you're accomplishing, dontaskme? You think you're hurting my feelings by calling me "dumb", "obnoxious", and "horrible", when I've already said worse things about myself in the first few posts of this topic? You're essentially just agreeing that I'm a worthless piece of ****, which is fine, I guess, but you're not even making any kind of point, you're just repeating that same idea over and over again.

[dontaskme]

Oh, wait a minute... let's make things clear again, the dumb, obnoxious and horrible is from you, your own words and as such, that's how "YOU" feel about people. Nothing to do with me, but you.

And whether your posts are true or not, I call them BS because once again, it's all the sequencing of events that you managed to post on here, nothing to do with my thick skull (which BTW happens to be there to protect my precious, smarty brains ).

If I were to rewrite your post, I would have started this way... You ready?

"I feel that I had been a horrible person the last year or two, reason being that I have done everything possible to be giving and nice to make people's lives better but people reacted in such a way that all my efforts were ignored, thus, made me frustrated and annoyed at their responses and reactions, and now I came to the point of realizing that I just hate people because they are dumb, obnoxious, they get in my way, ect."

"I'm now in my 30's and I worry about dying alone and I want to change things a bit but don't know how to accomplish that? Any advise will be greatly appreciated "

Perhaps you need some help in writing.

Another thing, you have 3 pages in your thread, and if you feel that none of these suggestions are helping you, don't you think it's time to take it a step further, like asking a professional maybe to do some personality make over or a psychologist to help you figure out what's wrong with you?

Every suggestions that were made here so far, you have... as you say "explanation" as to why they don't work. I don't know why? I thought they were pretty good advice given by the same people that "you hate so much."

Oh, I think I know why, because according to you, you are so much better than anyone else, there you go

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"Like I said, I feel like many of the people I interact with throughout my life are "dumb", compared to myself, and I don't want to connect with people I perceive as "dumb". I also don't care what anyone has to say about anything; in my mind, I know everything, I'm right about everything, and I've no interest in being told differently, nor do I care enough about anyone else's opinions to take advice."

This was your quote BTW just to prove more point. Now you stop with the thick skull and start listening for crying out loud

[woody]

Okay Okay, now Now now.... My golly. Yikes you two. HOly smokes, got any? might help diffuse this uh, situation. I don't know wether to chuckle or bat down the hatches.
What the hell is a troll anyway? I've been coming to this site for a spell now and seems this word comes up now and then, what the hell does it mean? Isn't it when uh, someone posts their concerns and gets allot of responses? Isn't that what this site is about? Getting advice? idk.

Anyway folks, 'wastinglight', p l e a s e read that book... For goodness sake. If you do not, you will miss out. I hope your well.
'don'taskme', I hope your well too. I also wish for all of us here today one massive cosmic joint to be enjoyed and loved by all. May it lighten everyone up.

Lets get along shall we?