Considering leaving a long-term relationship...

[dontaskme]

Your GF needs serious therapy, otherwise, she will never have a successful relationship with anyone. She is controlling and manipulative and could care less about anyone for as long as she gets what she wants.

I don't know how serious she is in wanting to change because the way I see this, she is saying what you want to hear because she's afraid of losing you for good and as soon as she gets comfortable again, she will go back to her usual ways and pattern.

I suggest taking a break and let her go to therapy so the therapist can help her transform her manipulative and controlling behavior. This isn't something that she can just switch off since she grew up this way.

[roku1]

Hi Dontask, I couldn't agree more.

I have spent the last few days coming to terms with our last conversation and I can't for the life of me understand why she would say what she did. Unless she had genuine guilt or wanted to hammer the final nail into our love-coffin then I just can't see the benefit for either of us. Anyway, 36hrs later and it has strengthened my resolve that the right thing has been done, we are over.

I couldn't agree more with the therapy comment although I am not going to throw fuel on the fire by saying that to her, I think she needs to come upon that realisation herself.

I keep getting waves of sadness and some guilt, even pity knowing that she is in our old house all alone but then I realise that this is the result of both our failings and I remind myself that I put in so much effort to make it work, that I shouldn't feel bad about our partnership collapsing, she played her part (big time). I realise that the emotions surrounding pity shouldn't be associated with romantic love, more so compassion and respect, which I still have for her.

I also feel grateful for the amazing memories, of which there were many, and thankful that all the bad times aren't as easy to recall.

Finally I feel excited for the future and starting a new chapter in my life. The relationship I'm leaving has taught me a lot and I'll take those lessons into the next to make it even stronger. I have an amazing trip to the US booked to see my brother and his new family for his 30th birthday and I'm going to set up a business over there so hopefully I can be closer to them in the long run.

All in all, I feel sad but relieved and despite her flaws, I know that my ex will bounce back stronger than ever. Her dominating force will throw her into the next chapter of her life and without me asking for more of her time she will be able to give her business all the attention she wants. Someone in that business network will snap her up and give her what she wants. I just hope she learns from her mistakes too.

Thanks again for sticking in here with me.

Wakeup... the 'faff' I've been through and this "saga" you've been reading was worth the torment and "words"; 5 years is too long a relationship to make a snap decision on and as for therapy, well, you've all been my therapy You, my friends, family and trying to talk through our relationship with my ex, combined there isn't much more a therapist could do. I'm a thinker and analyse everything, sometimes too much. Maybe a therapist would have helped me reach this conclusion sooner or made our breakup easier but if they had put us back together it would have been the wrong move... we were not meant to be and this awkward journey has finally made this clear.

Cheers all, wishing you the very best from (not so) sunny England!!