the dividing line...

[Tone]

Wow!

*cheers Bluevetteracer*

I don't get it, carp seems like he would be a cool guy sometimes, but then when he tells us about his cheating and this... just seems like he's throwing away a lot of his potential by doing really... stupid things.

All, in my opinion of course. (Which is obviously shared by many, including his own girlfriend...)

[Junsui]

Nice response Bluevetteracer, I agree with you.

[carpflounder]

Thanks guys and gals for the advice, specially you bluevettracer. I agree, weed is a drug, and even if its not killing me it is preventing me from moving forward.

Cheating is my flaw and it has nothing to do with my gf. I was wrong. It is a weakness in my character.

Bluesummer said a lot too. I think a big part of relationships is finding a balance. Whats fun for me weighed against what my gf tolerates. If one side is feels "shorted" then the relationhip isn't really working.

I'd also add that my gf is a marvelous person, almost a saint, she is the kindest and sweetest person there is. She is too nice: never ASKED me to stop. I see how she feels about it and thats what I go off of. (And what her Mom says too).

So I have a couple of more questions that will help. What is a reasonable amount to change for your significant other? Meaning what would you change (stop doing, do more of, do less of, do differently, etc.) if your SO made a make or break deal out of it?

And for all the fine members who's position is that I quit smoking marijuana for her ( gHEXjt, Tone, mini696, bluevettracer, and the others).......... If the circumstance was that I smoked cigarrettes then should I quit that for her as well -OR- would it be appropriate to keep a habit such as that one providing that I didn't do it around her?

Lastly, I apologize to anyone here that I pissed of when I spoke of cheating. I'm sure that many of you have been cheated on and it just pissed you off hearing my banter.

See ya

[whaywardj]

Were one to take time to tally them, I would hazard the intolerant tone of the posts in this thread would decrease the farther away from America they originated...with the exception of Canada of, course. (But Canada is more a state of mind than a place, so one, probably, shouldn't include it in the tally.)

[carpflounder]

I'd agree with that with Australia being the one exception in this thread.

[Bluevetteracer]

Carp

You do not piss anyone off, if someone gets pissed, it is their fault.

Don't change for anyone but yourself. Get up, go look in the mirror and tell me if you like the person you see looking back at you. Look at the person in the mirror and tell me if you see a drug user, a cheater, etc.

You are better then that. Stand tall, walk proud, and do something from your heart and your mind, and be a leader. Start by dropping the drugs. It will help build your mental strength immediately. Drug numb you from reality, until returning to reality is to painful, and then the drugs are needed just to live. Even then, with the drugs, that reality becomes too much to take, and another more power drug comes in. Sound like some high school counselor crap but it is the truth. Ask yourself why you do the drugs. Sure here or there at a party, but then I bet it is more often then that, daily, like eating. It will not get any easier.

Buck up, stop the drugs and be a man. A man TO AND FOR YOURSELF first, and then a man to your girlfriend. She may not be the girl you marry, but you will find her someday, and it will far more painful to loose her then to quite your weed habit.

Men respect other men that have there shit together, Women respect men that have there shit together. Nobody respects or takes someone who is a drug user seriously, except other users. Misery loves company.

You can be anything you want, but not as a drug user.

[indigosoul]

BTW, I may seem a little more lax on the weed issue than most people, but that's because I'm from Canada, where it's practically legal. I don't think I even know anyone that's never smoked it, honestly.

BC bud! Canada's SuperPot. We make the best (apparently; I've only ever tried the regular kind). Smoking pot is like smoking or drinking alcohol. Its a habit that she can either tolerate or not. That you would be willing to give up for her, or not. As has been said. What's more important to you & her?

Don't get me wrong; I'm NOT a fan of drugs. I think addictions of any kind are dangerous on many levels and I don't believe in polluting one's body. But not everyone agrees and that's OK so long as you don't infringe on the rights of someone else to indulge yourself

Too bad BD isn't around anymore... he'd definitely have an opinion here.

[Only-virgins]

Quit smoking you pansy.

[aphrodite]

I have been in your girlfriend's position.

About 2 years ago I was dating the guy who I am again dating now. At that point in his life he was involved with drugs, mostly smoking pot though, and for some reason or another it affected me greatly. I saw him under the influence only a few times, but if he would mention it, I would feel sick to my stomach. If he mentioned that he had been high last night, I would react in a similar manner. While I made it clear that I didn't agree with it, I didn't want to pressure him too much about it. He and his best friend smoked on a regular basis; who was I to say what he did or didn't do when he was with his best friend? I would, however, cry about it ocassionally; only once in front of him, though...

And still he did not stop.

Looking back, I wish that I would have broken up with him. It was too much pain/stress over something so dumb.

It is a disgusting habit. In addition, drug habits such as smoking oftentimes bring along characteristics like unreliability and deceitfulness.

So why am I still dating him? Well, we broke up about two years ago while his addiction was still present, saw other people for a little over a year, and our paths crossed again. We had both grown up, and he had grown out of his addiction.

Just my opinion: if you give a damn about your girl, you'll stop for her.

[updraft]

Carp

You do not piss anyone off, if someone gets pissed, it is their fault.

SO I guess his gf doesnt matter then? This is all about Carpflounder? My point was in the previous thread was that it pisses me off ... here is a guy who cheats on his girlfirend and cannot even let her make the decision to whether or not she will stay with him should he *ever* own up to his indiscretions. She could get a disease from him! She doesnt even have control over her own health.

Aside from the morality of this issue, there is the poor unsuspecting gf who thinks he is monogamous. Who cares if he smokes pot? Smoking pot, cigs, etc is bad for one's health yes, but he will damage his own body therefore its his responsibility, but he is f*cking around with the gf's health too should he get an STD or HIV. Is this so hard to comprehend???

Carpflounder: if you were upset by some of the responses to this thread and\or your previous one regarding cheating, then too bad. If you post a thread putting the question out there and want opinions, they're not all going to be in your favour. Deal with it.

Supposing you had the tables turned and your gf was cheating on you and didnt have the guts to tell you about it...how would you feel if she continued to have sex with you and three other men and then gave you HIV...would you be pissed???

[updraft]

So why am I still dating him? Well, we broke up about two years ago while his addiction was still present, saw other people for a little over a year, and our paths crossed again. We had both grown up, and he had grown out of his addiction.

Well at least you took the steps to have control over your life and not let your bf's habit control you. Just be aware of the signs should he start the weed again.

[jimbob]

This sounds painfully familiar.

Exactly the same thing happened with my mum and (biological) dad.

He smoked pot regularly like yourself, and my mum didn't like it. Eventually, it got to the point where she said it's either me or the pot that's going.

And I'm sure you can guess the ending. The bastard kept his pot and my mum divorced the man she once loved, having to look after a four year old son (myself) on her own.

Of course she won custody because my dad was, effectively, a drug addict. I saw him every 2 weeks 'til the age of 7, where I stopped seeing him. Don't get me wrong, he seemes like a nice bloke.

But that's what pot can do to a relationship. Ask yourself, the woman you love, or a bud that gives you short, chemical highs.

Despite my wording, I can relate to your situation and apologise if the above seemed a bit harsh, but I'm sure all this has already been through your head.

Good luck

[mini696]

And for all the fine members who's position is that I quit smoking marijuana for her ( gHEXjt, Tone, mini696, bluevettracer, and the others).......... If the circumstance was that I smoked cigarrettes then should I quit that for her as well -OR- would it be appropriate to keep a habit such as that one providing that I didn't do it around her?

I have quit both for my GF (although I am smoking again ). I wouldnt have a problem with you doing it away from her, as long as she knows the truth (make sure she doesnt think you are hiding it from her).

I just think if there is a problem in your relationship -that you know the solution to- you should do your best to fix it.

Another thing to think about is your friends. I have lost a lot of them since I quit smoking, I no longer get calls to hang out (read smoke up), and it really shows you who your true friends are. I also find myself getting bored easier now. I will be sitting at home and thinking "I'm bored, what would I be doing now if it was 4 months ago"? The answer would be having a cone. It really snuffed my life out when I was smoking it full time. So now instead of being bored and having a cone, I get bored and do something fun, or constructive.

I guess the only thing worse than a pot smoker, is a reformed one.

Mick

[carpflounder]

Thank you bluevettracer.

There are "friends" and then there are real friends. My gf isn't just my gf she is also my real friend. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she has Mono. The doctor saw that we still kiss and he assured me that I would get sick with it too. The thought of being sick with that doesn't bother me to the point that I would withold affection from my gf.

I've heard a lot and taken it in. I got a feeling that I'm going to marry this girl. I dont want to be some looser father who is never really "there". Bluevettracer is sooooooo smart: its not just about paying the bills, listening, or being physically present....its about doing whats right for myself, being emotionaly present, and reveling in being on the same wavelength as my gf.

I'm happy that she's okay and with me too. Bluevettracer, your such a cool guy, when i read your posts I feel a sense of inspiration from each one. Well, thanks everyone I'll see you all later.

[Bluevetteracer]

You are most certainly welcome.

You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be Joe Fabulous, just be EVERYTHING you can be.

At the end of the day, you don't need rewards, gifts, trophies, or acknowledgement from other people. If you gave it your everything, every day, then, at the end of the day, the only thing you will need to remind yourself of your efforts is a mirror.

My father stood me in front of a mirror when I was 13, and told me to live my life, so that I can be proud of the person standing in front of me. Only you know all your secrets, and only you can judge the person in the mirror.

When you live everyday to the fullest, have self discipline, the world around you becomes full of life, and so do you. You are on your way my friend.

Now, go buy some flowers, put on a suit and tie, and go tell that women of yours that you are done with the weed, and that she is your everything and that you want be the best man you can be for her. Starting today. Look her in the eye, hold her hand and say these things. Profess them to her and yourself, and then live by them. You will be surprised at the effect. You will walk taller, walk prouder, and be filled with confidence.

Good luck -