What is she doing?

**Junsui** · 03-10-05, 09:53 PM

Why do you care so much what her intentions behind that phone call really were?

**poweredbuyer** · 03-10-05, 11:08 PM

Because I am angered at the way she ended it ... She makes it seem like she is mature with my sister and wants me but then treats me like Shyt ... should I pay it?

**poweredbuyer** · 05-10-05, 09:40 PM

Hi all,

More advice needed. So basically I was told by some “relatives” and common “family friends” that she has been extremely needy and searching for attention. A common family friend was at a Bar/Club and she was flirting with him giving him the impression she wanted him and wanted to fool around. This made me go nutz because what kind of respect does it show for me? … Running around wild at clubs with random guys looking for sex or attention. She is very aggressive with guys this is maybe how she is dealing with the breakup but when will it hit this girl. First the nipple ring then sex with loosers now she after only a couple months is hitting on family friends? … that’s sick …

I felt like calling her and saying “if you don’t respect ur body and want to throw it around to people that’s fine” … but have enough respect for me to not do it with common family friend and shit. What the heck is she doing? … She is probably going to call my sister on her birthday and make it seem like she is an innocent girl … what should my sister say to her because she is also angry at the way I was treated. Should she be polite and offer no information on me … In our last conversation she mentioned that “I want someone who loved me as much as you but someone who had a life outside of me and wasn’t controlling” … she is sick …. Obviously didn’t love me enough to give it a fair chance … this girl has lost her marbles it seems or is trying to find herself or needy and quickly trying to replace me. Her behaviour is sick … At least show me some respect in our community by not making it public to everyone we broke up and “I am not good for the future” … if they only knew the truth about her …

Actually a lot of them do … anyways any advice would help. I have an image to uphold and this is BS …

**Junsui** · 05-10-05, 09:49 PM

Maybe I'm missing something, she's out whoring it up ruining her reputation and you want to know what to do because you have an image to uphold? I don't know why people would look at you poorly unless you were still with her. Why does your sister still talk to her? I would just tell your sister to stop communication with her as well. I'm sorry she's going after mutual family friends, but I don't know that you have control over who she throws herself at.

**poweredbuyer** · 05-10-05, 11:14 PM

But is this how someone deals with a break up whoring out? ... Being needy and searching for a quick replacement ... partying ... won't this all hit her eventually ...

My sister doesn't call her once in a while she calls my sis ...

anyways more advice is appreciated ... should I tell her to frickin not be such a biatch ...

**Junsui** · 05-10-05, 11:36 PM

No, of course not everyone deals with a break up by going out and sleeping with whoever. Yes it will all hit her eventually. Your sister should just not accept her calls. Why would you tell her anything?

**poweredbuyer** · 06-10-05, 01:49 AM

Thanks Junsui for your advice very knowledgable ... I guess my problem is I am moving on but its tough ... I just wanted mature proper closure to this but she is acting like a "looney" and making it seem the last 5 years meant nothing. She gives me this impression she is suffering when she talks to me but I know she is enjoying being "Free" and having fun. Its kinda sick though ... I guess we all wish for the day they regret the decision but it can take months / years however long .... the sooner I move on and let go ...the sooner it will hit her ... just seeing her personality change so much is really scary ... so influenced by people ... so defensive when talking to me... I want her to apologize and let me go with peace and comfort not all this crazyness ...

Anyone else with their two cents ... Junsui anything further?

**Junsui** · 06-10-05, 01:54 AM

I know it's tough and you want to know that you at least meant something to her afterall she meant something to you, right? Unfortunately I don't think you're going to get what you are looking for. She may regret her decision to not be with you, but like you said that could take months maybe even years. I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships and try not to let this one cause you to become bitter or think poorly of all women.

**boognish** · 06-10-05, 02:04 AM

Originally Posted by poweredbuyer

Thanks Junsui for your advice very knowledgable ... I guess my problem is I am moving on but its tough ... I just wanted mature proper closure to this but she is acting like a "looney" and making it seem the last 5 years meant nothing. She gives me this impression she is suffering when she talks to me but I know she is enjoying being "Free" and having fun. Its kinda sick though ... I guess we all wish for the day they regret the decision but it can take months / years however long .... the sooner I move on and let go ...the sooner it will hit her ... just seeing her personality change so much is really scary ... so influenced by people ... so defensive when talking to me... I want her to apologize and let me go with peace and comfort not all this crazyness ...

Anyone else with their two cents ... Junsui anything further?

It's human nature to be angry at someone living it up while you suffer.... especially if they are the "cause" of your suffering. But really, think of it this way... she is obviously either:
A. Trying to party her way out of misery.
or
B. Not worth your time.

It may seem cruel, but this seems like what you needed. Maybe she was WAS your whole life... you are certainly hung up on her still, at least in part. My advice is to go out and have a good time yourself. Don't jump in the sack with the first girl you meet, but go out with friends, surround yourself with recreation, and do the things that made you happy before you met... maybe it will be BS... but BSing yourself has a way of becoming truth when it comes to fun

As for the whole, "Letting the community know" about your break-up, just forget it... everyone takes sides after a long relationship. Just try your hardest to be happy in a non-destructive way and people will realize sooner or later who has dealt with this the best... if not, screw em', they aren't your kind of people

I say, forget the apology, forget her. One look at what she's doing should be a constant reminder of why she's not worth the time of day... feel free to let her know that if she continues to make contact/rubs your face in her new "life". It sounds like she enjoys games.

**poweredbuyer** · 06-10-05, 02:07 AM

Junsui,

Let me ask u this ... analyse her behaviour if possible.

First she breaks up with me because "I was controlling and she wants to discover her independance again". Then she calls me after 2 weeks of no contact initially sounding confused as heck about what she wants. Constantly blaming me and making it seem this is all my fault. not acknowledging anything on her own. Then she travels with friends meets tons of other guys goes out. Calls me here and there "whenever she can pull me off the shelf to come play". Tells me she wants to marry me and misses me (actions completely different) tells me not to take the job in California she needs me here ... She wants me and her freedom it seems ... she makes it seem she is soo mature when in reality she is acting like a teenager. She wants everything and its all about HER HER HER ... Will she ever regret ... probably not ... I mean after 5 years u jummp in bed with other men it obviously shows u didn't value the person u were with before. She didn't want me and trying to find the "Perfect Man" (that was her MSN name) ... but wanted me there because I was real and "loved" her like no other ... yet perhaps .... I can't figure this chick out ... why couldn't it just be a peaceful ending.

**poweredbuyer** · 06-10-05, 02:11 AM

boognish,

Thats what I wonder ... if she actually enjoys playing games ... she really doesn't want to see me do well before her ... **** biatch ... do some women enjoy these games?

**boognish** · 06-10-05, 02:19 AM

Wow... and she called YOU controlling...

That is classic mind-games. She dumps you, but then is not sure so she goes overboard "living it up" to convince herself what a good, fun decision it was.

Which makes your normal, human reaction seem too good and right, so she goes out of her way to try and make you and your new life "inferior" to both herself, you, and everyone she can.

It's very immature, and believe me, pretty transparent to anyone who has been around the block a couple of times.

Trust me, deep down, she knows this stuff... but she's gone too far to go back now.

It's like my ex... at first she tried to convince everyone how evil I was... it even worked with a couple of people. Then, when the effect of that wore off, she went on a self-destructive rampage to show everyone how "happy" and "over me" she was. It's very sad, really...

**Junsui** · 06-10-05, 02:19 AM

She just sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and is in her own way trying to discover that. You said you started dating her when she was 19 and that went on for 5 years. Maybe she doesn't want to see you happy before she is. We're only getting one half of the story here, so I can't really say what's going on in her head. Some women do like manipulating, same thing with some men.

**boognish** · 06-10-05, 02:26 AM

Originally Posted by Junsui

She just sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and is in her own way trying to discover that. You said you started dating her when she was 19 and that went on for 5 years. Maybe she doesn't want to see you happy before she is. We're only getting one half of the story here, so I can't really say what's going on in her head. Some women do like manipulating, same thing with some men.

Junsui, you're way too objective...

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, WIN WIN WIN!

j/k

**Junsui** · 06-10-05, 02:28 AM

Originally Posted by boognish

Junsui, you're way too objective...

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, WIN WIN WIN!

j/k

lol

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