How can I get my best friend to date me?

[nycguy]

This is why you should always make a move right away. Cause the longer you wait, the lower your chances get. Oh well, live and learn.

True. But doesn't exactly apply when your friends from childhood and begin to develop feelings later on when you become really close.

[lahnnabell]

[quote=nycguy;522913]Hi. I have a dilemma that is quite common - I have strong feelings for my best friend. I'm a guy, she's a girl. We're both in our early 20s. She & I are very close friends. We have been for years. We get along perfectly well, and live on the same frequency: we see life & the world the same way, we have similar goals, etc.. We can talk to each about virtually anything. We have complete trust toward one another. Sometimes we stay up talking til dawn. Etc... People often think we're a couple, but we're not...which is what I want to change.

I haven't told her exactly what I want yet, but in the past we have had indirect hypothetical conversations about it. Here are the pluses I see here: never in our hypothetical convos has she ever said anything along the lines of "it would never happen to us."

Hypothetical conversations are never a plus. It's a dream state that you are living in. It's a mask that is preventing you from seeing the factual side of this situation. Notice how that despite all this hypothetical conversations, you are still not her boyfriend.

She has in fact agreed with me once that she and I are compatible and would be a good couple. She's told me that a few of the guy's she has liked before were in some ways like me. We have kissed a few times before, though just in a minor friendly way.

You kissed? In a friendly way? Like on the cheek? I don't kiss my guy friends on the lips. There is nothing friendly about that, IMO.

And we have also spent much time together on 1-on-1 "dates" (dinners, movies, etc..), where we always both have a wonderful time together. Sometimes I catch her smiling at me in what seems to be an unusual way (unless it's my imagination).

You see them as dates. I guarantee you she thinks you are hanging out and doing what friends do. Eat food, watch movies, and HANG OUT.

Now here is the downside: while she knows deep down that I represent what she wants, and she herself has said we'd probably be good together, she doesn't realize that what she wants is right in front of her.

How do you know that she feels this way? You apparently don't know much, which is why you are on here looking for advice as to what she is possibly thinking, and how you can effectively change it (if need be).

Because of how long we've known each other, she sees me as a brother figure. This what I want to change.

I agree that if your friendship has progressed so far as to where she feels as though you two are RELATED, then you need to do some hardcore backing off. If I literally thought of a guy friend as a brother, I'd freak out if he came on to me.

Before I tell her eventually what I want to try, I want to spend some time trying to change her image of me a bit. I know that she and I would be wonderful together, and all that's missing is a spark, that makes her see me in a different light, like I have with her. I don't know how to ignite such a spark though.

Do what a lot of the guys on here are advising you to do. Take some time to be with you, figure out what you want (yes, I know you want her). But your life has to be about more than just acquiring this girl. Women are not attracted to guys who grovel at their feet. And if you constantly shower her with attention and seek her approval, she'll get sick of you fast. It may be one of the reasons she can't even begin to see you as a romantic option.

[nycguy]

You see them as dates. I guarantee you she thinks you are hanging out and doing what friends do. Eat food, watch movies, and HANG OUT.

Obviously I know they're not dates. That's why I put the word in quotes. I just meant that we've spent significant one on one time together, doing stuff that couples do (aside from physical). If someone who didn't know us observed us for a while they'd think we were together.

You kissed? In a friendly way? Like on the cheek? I don't kiss my guy friends on the lips. There is nothing friendly about that, IMO.

I don't see anything wrong with kissing on the lips once in a while between friends. Tons of people do it. We're not talking about passionate making out. Just friendly little kisses sometimes like when you're playing a drinking game, or on new years, birthday, etc..

[Sanctuary]

But your life has to be about more than just acquiring this girl. Women are not attracted to guys who grovel at their feet. And if you constantly shower her with attention and seek her approval, she'll get sick of you fast.

Listen to what Lahnna said. Right now, the more you show that you like her, the less she'll like you.

You really should just disappear and work on improving yourself. If anything, go focus on your goals and be ambitious. Work out a little and get confident. Do something to improve your life.

Obviously I know they're not dates. That's why I put the word in quotes. I just meant that we've spent significant one on one time together, doing stuff that couples do (aside from physical). If someone who didn't know us observed us for a while they'd think we were together.

I don't know what it is you think 'stuff that couples do' means but one of my best friends is a girl and people mistake us for a couple all the time whenever we hang out together one on one. We have dinner together, we talk on the phone sometimes for extended periods, and I've taken her out for movies and shopping. But we're just friends, it doesn't mean anything at all. I don't have feelings for her and I'd be very surprised if she did too. If anyone here thinks that's odd, just pretend I'm a girl and then it becomes clear that we're just 2 friends hanging out.

And we have also spent much time together on 1-on-1 "dates" (dinners, movies, etc..), where we always both have a wonderful time together. Sometimes I catch her smiling at me in what seems to be an unusual way (unless it's my imagination).

I think you're so desperate to see any signs of her reciprocating your feelings that any time she does something nice, you see it as a positive sign. Also, notice how when you describe your friendship with her, you frame it as a couple. Your love for her is deluding you my friend. This must be why so many girls believe that platonic love is impossible, the guys keeps falling for them every time they get close.

I don't see anything wrong with kissing on the lips once in a while between friends. Tons of people do it. We're not talking about passionate making out. Just friendly little kisses sometimes like when you're playing a drinking game, or on new years, birthday, etc..

Oh, well that's different. I think we were under the impression that you guys kissed while hanging out.

[IndiReloaded]

This is a long letter, but I think everyone should read it...

But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship
BY KIMBERLY PRUITT


Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

Brilliant^. That genie doesn't go back in the bottle and women have radar when it comes to this kind of stuff. This is why, when things get weird b/t friends, the best route is to cut them loose. No contact is sometimes a kindness.

[thrillaveza]

Brilliant^. That genie doesn't go back in the bottle and women have radar when it comes to this kind of stuff. This is why, when things get weird b/t friends, the best route is to cut them loose. No contact is sometimes a kindness.

as much as i dislike that thought, i seriously have to agree. cutting contact will only help the both of you. it keeps you both from getting hurt and helps you move on. i mean just cause you've known each other for a long time wouldn't necessarily mean that in a long run she will reciprocate the feeling; that is something you see in a movie. i mean i can be wrong stating that but if you known her for that long and she hasn't felt the same way then, perhaps she'll only see you as that friend. i mean, im not trying to knock you off your spirit, heck, for all i know she might feel the same way someday (if it's not too late). it's just im basing this off of experiences from myself and people i've known.